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Teo and I make it to the championship, and then lose to Nala and her mom handily in a game of pool. Turns out, Reece Jansen is a pool shark. Who knew?
Carmen brought vats of food, and we eat spread over every available surface, inside and out. At one point, Felipe’s phone rings and I watch him look down at it before silencing it again. The look on his date’s face tells me the call wasn’t unexpected, just unwanted. Valentina lets Teo stay to watch the East Coast ball drop, and then she drags him out, even though he puts up a good fight.
Soon, the rest of the party starts to disappear too, until it’s just my brothers and me, and their girls and Nala. We sit outside on the deck, Adirondack chairs facing the ocean, sweatshirts on against the chill, and for the first time since early fall, we’re all together again.
Isa brought out a bottle of tequila with limes and shot glasses, handing each of us one before raising her own.
“Feliz año nuevo, familia.”
We all raise our glasses and then drink them back, slipping the lime in afterward. She fills mine again, and I lift an eyebrow. “Trying to get me drunk, gorgeous?”
Her wink is saucy, and makes me laugh. “We have a tradition in my family,” she says, going around and filling everyone’s glass again. “Every year, right before it ends, we make a promise to the people we love. It isn’t a resolution, not like the ones to lose weight or to stop being an asshole.” She looks pointedly at me. I just blow her a kiss. “It’s more like a vow, something you’re going to do for them to make the bond stronger. Since you’re my family now, I thought we could share a drink and a promise.”
Isa looks down at her glass when she says that last word, and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her nervous. No one says anything for a second, as enthralled as we are intimidated by her suggestion. Brooks shocks us all by going first.
Raising his glass, his arm around Jordan’s waist, he sweeps his eyes over everyone, making sure we all see him. “I promise to never be silent again. No matter how heavy the darkness is.”
He swallows back his shot quickly and we all do the same. Isa fills them again, laughing when Jordan suggests half a shot. “It’s time to celebrate, Red, and let your hair down. Get drunk and let your man carry you home to his bed.”
Jordan smiles, raising her glass. “Then I promise to always celebrate, and to always enjoy, no matter how tempting the future is to worry over.”
Hunter goes next, also promising to live in the moment, and not try to control the future as much. Isa follows, promising to think before she speaks, which earns her a sigh of gratitude from Hunter, and a laugh from the rest of us.
“And then there were two.” Nala looks at me, eyes intent, and for that brief second, I forget that anyone else is there. “I promise to stop living in the past—to take the good memories, and make new ones.”
I’m holding my breath, like everyone else, watching her lips form the words, wondering if she’s talking to me, hoping. Everyone else around us is silent, too, no one drinking, no one here-hereing like they did with the others.
It’s her and me, I think, and decide to make the promise I should have a long time ago. “I promise to stop disappearing.” Nala breaks eye contact, but I don’t stop. “I promise to be here, like I am now, a part of this family, and no matter what happens, I promise to never disappear again.”
I won’t leave you, I try and tell her.I can’t.
Nala takes down her shot silently, and then stands and walks inside. No one else says anything, but when Jordan goes to slide off Brooks’s lap, I stop her.
“Let me.”
She pauses, eyes shifting to me and then the doorway, and I know she wants to tell meno. Brooklyn whispers something, and then she sits back, nodding her head. “Be careful with her.”
“Didn’t I just promise?” I snap. Getting up, I curse my bum leg and the need for crutches for the millionth time, making my way inside and down the hall when I don’t see her. The small guest bathroom door is closed.
When I knock, she calls out, “Just a second.”
Fuck that.
I have the lock-pop key in the door handle and the bathroom door swinging open in under ten seconds.
“Jesus.”
I close it behind me, ignoring her stunned expression. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” Her answer is a little too quick and we both know it.
“Nalani,” I say, and she actually winces. “What happened? What did I say to upset you?”
“Nothing.” But she can’t look at me, and I think there are tears in her eyes.
“Don’t lie to me.” My throat is tight, my own emotions spiking and dropping like I’m on a roller coaster. “Tell me if you can’t talk about it, or if you just don’t fucking want to, but don’t lie to me. We’re more than that.”
“Fine, I can’t talk about it.”
“Too bad,” I shoot back and she laughs in that exasperated way. “We’re friends, Nala.” I almost choke on the word, because it’s so tame compared to what we are. “We’re part of the same family. We made promises. I’m not disappearing; you don’t get to hide in the past. So tell me why you’re in here, instead of ringing in the new year with our family.”
“I missed you,” she blurts out. She looks up, and our eyes meet in the mirror. My heart is rapping against my ribs, and my chest is tight, like a roar wants to rip through, or rip me in half, because those words…they make me feel like I have a chance. “This week, playing at the beach with Teo, being here tonight, making those promises…” she trails off, her eyes a sparkling blue sky, unshed tears glistening, each one breaking my heart. “I missed you, Malcolm, and I just realized how much.”
I’m shaking inside, like a girl about to receive her first kiss. Stomach jumping, heart going so fast I’m afraid I might pass out. But I don’t show her. Instead, I look at her in the mirror and show her I’m strong—even with the fucking crutches—brave, confident, because that’s who she deserves, a goddamn warrior.
I put my hand on her shoulder, turning her around and bringing her into my chest, wrapping my arms so tightly around her that my hands touch my opposite shoulders. “I missed you, too, Nalani. Like a fucking limb.”
And then, while I hear the fireworks go off to signal midnight, I welcome in a new year, and a new chance with the same love I’ve had for the last nine years.
