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Avery had been right all along.
And the supposed harmless fun Addisyn and Brian had shared had mushroomed into a giant whirlpool of darkness. A whirlpool that had stolen her sister, soured her dreams, and robbed her of the joy of discovering love with the kind of man she hadn’t even known existed.
Because the reason Darius could never love her was plain. And as Addisyn watched the lights of Whistler wink to life in the afterglow of the sunset, and as she replayed Darius’s eyes darkening as he scooted away from her on the rock, she felt like that scared, lonely little girl again, looking for love but finding it nowhere.
It didn’t really matter what was happening with Darius. What mattered was what had already happened with her. She was a girl with no future. A homeless drifter, floating through Whistler. A girl who was cheapened and dirtied by the attentions of a man who’d overawed her younger self.
And now the tears could come.
THE DOOR SLAMMEDinto the wall with such force that the cabinets rattled and a framed photo of Whistler Mountain crashed to the floor. Darius didn’t care. He hurled his backpack into the corner, banged the door shut, and leaned his forehead against the distressed wood.
Why, why, why did he think this was a good idea? Mentally he berated himself. He couldn’t believe that he’d let his emotions take the reins, couldn’t believe that he’d actually been so vulnerable with Addisyn. Couldn’t believe—especially couldn’t believe—that he’d kissed her.
She’d hate him now, he knew. In a way, he’d violated her—kissing her like that when he knew full well he could never hold her heart. It was nothing short of theft.
He pounded his fist against the door. A moan of desperation throbbed from his innermost soul. He’d never hated anyone or anything more than he loathed himself now.
On the one hand, he’d give anything to undo the moment on the rock, kissing her as if all of life was a fresh and exciting adventure ahead of him. Confusing her about his intentions, entangling both of them in feelings that he could never allow himself to pursue.
Yet, at the same time, deep in his heart, was a certainty that he would give anything to repeat that moment all the rest of his life. That no one had ever made him feel that way, and that in those moments on Whistler, he’d never been more alive.
Selfish.
He pushed away from the door and wandered through the rooms where he’d grown up. Gradually the current of his thoughts began to settle from a raging river to the usual slow ooze of defeat. His heart felt numb, as if, after years of hard knocks, it had finally been bludgeoned beyond what it could take.
He hadn’t intended for things to go this far. He hadn’t wanted to see her vulnerable, ready for his love, and then slap her away. If only he hadn’t endeared himself to her—hadn’t hung around the coffee shop so much, hadn’t shared his story, hadn’t taken her on outings. Good grief, no wonder the girl was confused. If only he’d never walked into her life at all.
If only.
The two words that defined his life. Anger seared through him—anger at himself. What had he done? Actually, whathadn’the done? The pain of his past was ripping the old wounds wide open.
He rubbed his hands over his head. It was as if a giant morbid swamp inhabited his brain, its murky waters teeming withif onlys. Regret and guilt and shame.
Until Addisyn came, he’d been—okay. Not great, certainly, but able to survive. But now she had awakened his heart. She had roused him from the sleepwalking routine of the last few years—brought him back to life.
And it was a life he couldn’t face. Because of his biggest mistake. The one that haunted his dreams and dogged his steps.
The one that was the reason he would never, ever, put a girl like Addisyn through the agony of living life chained to a failure like him.
Yes, Darius had a lot ofif onlys. But by far his biggest one was this: If only he hadn’t made that one mistake—the mistake that had ruined his life.
The one he’d never told anyone—and never would.
BRIAN SIGHED AShe washed his hands, rinsing the heavily perfumed restroom soap from his palms. He glanced at his reflection in the men’s room mirror, brushing his still-damp fingers through his styled hair.
As he headed for the door, he swept the room with a cursory glance. Another overused public restroom in another crowded airport.Another airport.
Back in the terminal, he slumped into a seat, his chin in his hand. Idly he watched the flight numbers flickering on the neon screen, the crowds flowing through the concourse, the wailing toddler who wanted his mother to buy him Goldfish crackers from the vending machine. He was sick of it all, sick of burning up his frequent flyer miles seeking Addisyn all across the country. With no success whatsoever.
Rage burned through his veins when he thought about Avery. He didn’t believe for one minute that she was totally ignorant of Addisyn’s whereabouts. Okay, maybe she didn’t know exactly where her younger sister was hiding out, but she had to at least have some idea. Surely she could have narrowed his search field to a specific state or even just an area of the country. After all, hadn’t she always been some sort of psychic or something? A sneer twisted the corner of his mouth.Guess her powers aren’t working too well now.
Once again, he pictured Avery standing there inside the two-bit little cabin. He shook his head in disbelief. What in the world had possessed her to give up a life in New York City, capital of the world, and take a demeaning job working at some pathetic outdoor shop in a one-horse Colorado town? Had to be some kind of religious thing. Penance or something. Or maybe she thought she was some sort of missionary.
Uneasily he chewed his nail as a disturbing thought poked at him. What if Addisyn had done something similar? Escaped to small-town Americana, taken her place in suburbia? Panic engulfed him at the thought. If she had done that, he’d never find her.
In his mind’s eye, he envisioned Addisyn living in some dumpy little town, working some menial job like a hotel maid or a restaurant server. The image forced the terror from his mind. There was no way Addisyn would make such a move. She enjoyed the lights and action of the big city far too much. She wouldn’t trade the glitz and glamour, of that he was sure.
And he was even more sure of one other thing—she wouldn’t give up on her dream of being an Olympian.
