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CHAPTER 19
Darius heaved the axeinto another piece of kindling. It struck the wood squarely with a satisfyingthunk!He straightened for a moment. Easing the kinks out of his back, he wiped his forehead and gazed off at the mountains.
His only oasis.
Over the last few days, he’d spent a lot of hours driving in the mountains, as he’d done after his parents died. Marking time, trying to ease the pain—a pain that shattered his bones. Sometimes he didn’t want to come home from those drives. Other times he would rather crawl in a corner and never leave his parents’ house at all. And sometimes he just wanted to hop in his car and drive north. Until he reached the world’s end.
Tears were coming. He’d always cried easily. Angrily he swiped at his eyes. Emotions only got a guy in trouble. Hadn’t he learned that by now? He took a deep breath and grabbed another chunk of wood. In July, the house didn’t necessarily need firewood, but he needed something to whack. And a way to fill his day off work.
As he pounded, snatches of memories whipped through his mind. The time he and his dad had argued over his training schedule for Nationals. The orange windsuit of the skater in front of him the day he fell. The way the light had left Addisyn’s face with the suddenness of a summer storm cloud blotting out the sun when he turned on her.
Forget it, man.Another piece of wood flew off to the side. Another piece of his life falling apart.It’s over. You’re over.
He needed more, needed something else to hit. He grabbed another log. He wouldn’t stop till the pain was at least bearable.
This reminded him of the way things had been right after his parents died. The agony had dogged his steps. He couldn’t stop running or it would catch him.
Keep chopping.
Why had he fallen in love with Addisyn? Why had he ever allowed her to reawaken his soul at all? He had never deserved her.
Keep chopping.
Where was she now? With that preppy guy?
Keep chopping.
Finally he couldn’t keep chopping any longer. In a final blaze of disgust, he flung the axe across the yard. Sweat was streaming down his face, rolling down his spine, dripping off the ends of his hair. He opened the door and went into the house.
And saw the portrait of his grandfather.
There was nothing strange about that. The picture had hung there since his grandfather lost his battle with cancer—the year after Darius’s Olympic gold. He’d passed it a dozen times every day since then. But today, it seemed to reach out to him. As though Grampy were calling his name.
Darius stopped and stared at the photo. The old man’s face was beaming with a simple, homely joy. He was standing on the steps of the little church he’d pastored in Whistler, a Bible under his arm.
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.
The words flashed into Darius’s mind with such suddenness that he stared around the room. Hadn’t he always heard Grampy say that to him? Tell him that in moments of decision? Preach it from the pulpit and live it with his life?
“Grampy?” The whisper barely brushed his lips.
A Presence seemed to stir in the room around Darius. He held his breath, waiting. Was his grandpa with him?
Or was it Someone else?
“God?”
No answer. Of course not. The Lord he’d failed had left him long ago.
And with that, Darius braced his palms on either side of the photo, leaned into the wall, and wept. Not just tears that rolled tamely down his cheeks, but heart-ripping, gut-wrenching sobs. The kind of tears that a man cried. The kind he should have cried a long time ago.
“Grampy!” The sobs were shaking his soul, dredging up all his past pain. “Oh, Grampy!” How disappointed and angry the man would be to see him now. How heartbroken that his only grandson had strayed so far.
“I’ve failed!”
He had. He had drifted a million miles from the eager young boy who sat on a pew in his grandpa’s church and led a youth group. He was no longer the kid who loved God and strived to lead a clean-cut life. No, he was ruined, a broken vessel no longer fit for anything but garbage.
All because of the mistake that had ruined his life.
