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I can hardly feel the pain when she’s near.
I try to tough it out as she wraps the bandage around my leg, and I realize now that I’m trying to look into her eyes as she passive-aggressively tries to help me. She’s clearly tired as hell, and I do feel awful for waking her up, but there’s something about the way her sleepy, half-open eyelids make her eyes look that causes something to awaken in me.
She continues to wrap my wounds, sarcastically offering comfort with a slight sense of authenticity.
The whole time, I can’t help but feel a strong sense of guilt for ever involving her in this life. There’s something she’s afraid of, likely something to do with seeing Dean hit a woman in the face earlier. She doesn’t feel safe here, and it’s obvious that this arrangement is beginning to get muddy for both of us.
I feel a true attachment to her now, even after such a short period of time. I miss her when she isn’t around, and I think about her when my mind drifts away from me. She’s made an impression on me that hasn’t been made by anyone before her, of which there have been many.
I don’t even know what it is about her that I’m so drawn to. Is it the fact that I knew her when she was young? Is it the bond in her knowledge of the depth of my crimes? It has to be more than that.
This is getting too serious for me. I’m getting way too attached way too quickly for my own good. Before now, I didn’t even know I could feel this way about a woman, especially after I vowed never to let a woman control me emotionally after what my mother did to my father. I’m in dangerous territory, and I have no idea how to get out of it if I’m in too deep.
Cambria continues bandaging me, smirking at me whenever I wince in pain. “Looks like you don’t have that high of a pain tolerance for someone who’s constantly swinging his dick around,” she says as she tapes the gauze to my ankle.
I try to hold back another flinch. “Yeah, well, let’s see how much of a gangster you are when you get caught in a bear trap.”
“I wouldn’t do that because I don’t try to break into women’s apartments when they’re sleeping,” she replies half-jokingly.
“You know I wasn’t here to try and hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter, Abram. This is supposed to be the place I feel the safest, and you used your authority to justify breaking in,” she replies curtly.
The sting of the antiseptic isn’t nearly the magnitude of the piercing of her words. She’s right; I got too carried away with being in charge and allowed it to cloud my judgment. She probably would have responded to a text in the time it took me to decide whether or not I wanted to face the consequences of this. I get what I deserve.
“Alright, you’re probably fine to at least limp home like this. Just remember that you never know if there’s a bear trap on the other side of a door,” she says, smiling deviously as she helps me to my feet.
I groan as I put my weight on my ankle. “Well, it’ll be a hard lesson to forget, that’s for fucking sure.”
She kisses me goodbye, which is something I wasn’t expecting at all. After seeing how angry she was when she saw me, I’m shocked she didn’t just default to calling the cops.
The pain in my ankle isn’t what’s bothering me the most, though. It’s the persistent warmth in my chest whenever I remember how her hands felt as they glided around my hand, so expertly careful and nurturing. Her presence feels like a warm breeze in autumn right when the leaves begin to change, and I’ve never met someone who makes me feel so poetic.
This is bad.
I don’t want to feel this way at all. She’s a great girl, sure, but she doesn’t know better than to not get involved with me. She’s too sweet to be in this life alongside me, and I would never forgive myself if she ended up getting hurt.
I text my cousin and let him know that I’ll be departing for Florida tomorrow morning at six AM. He better be ready for me because if I hesitate at all, I might not end up leaving.
