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17
ABRAM
Ican’t fight it anymore.
It’s impossible.
The way that Cambria felt next to me in her bed was so natural, so sweet, that I craved it as soon as I left this morning. I wanted to steal one of her shirts from off the floor just so that I could smell her whenever I missed her. That would have been against my better judgment, so I decided not to.
Right now, I’m regretting that choice.
Something was different with her last night, something in me. I felt a completely different kind of desire, something that I thought was only the fantasy of women who had never been heartbroken before. The spectrum of my ability to love somebody as an entire person was stunted the second my mother walked out the door and never came back.
The last time I felt even a fraction of this emotional attachment to someone was a girl I dated when I was a sophomore in high school. She was the last person I trusted like this, the last person I would have killed someone for. Yet, she cheated on me with a guy who could barely read above a fifth-grade level.
So, where is all of this coming from?
When I arrive at the club, I’m immediately approached by Isaac, who has a worried expression on his face. He knows I’m not one to overreact or punish people unfairly. He knows I’m not my uncle. So, why is he so anxious?
“Hey, I need to talk to you, but we can’t do it out here,” he says, gesturing toward the main stage area.
“Alright, let’s go to my office then,” I reply, and he follows me down to my office on the lower level. We still haven’t been able to get Demetrius’s bloodstain out of the carpet. We’ll probably have to replace it.
“Okay, tell me what’s going on,” I say as soon as I close the door.
He takes a deep breath. “The ATF is on our ass. I don’t know why or how, since it was before the shooting happened. But that doesn’t matter. We have surveillance footage of one of their agents in here,” he says. “Can I show you?”
I nod, and he pulls up a video on his phone. It’s grainy, but I can clearly see a man talking to Cambria. It’s the same guy from her first night here, the one who gave her his phone number.
“What the fuck? What would they even be looking for here?” I ask, trying to think back on what kind of drama was happening around that time. Despite the possibilities, nothing had actually occurred at that time. Demetrius getting killed happened after that night, as did the shooting.
“Listen, it doesn’t matter what he was here for. He’s not allowed in here again. Say you saw him touching one of the girls when he was at the stage area, I don’t give a fuck. But keep him out of here,” I reply, feeling the heat on my face as the reality sets in.
We know for a fact that someone is trying to shut us down now. To make matters worse, there’s a distinct possibility that Cambria is involved with them.
Was that the real reason why she was so cold towards me over the last few weeks? Was the story about Cole Davis a lie? Maybe she’s just one of those weird girls who gets off on guys who kill.
Isaac puts his phone away and purses his lips. “I could print out this fucker’s picture and put it in the break room, so everyone knows his face. Does that work?” he asks.
I nod.
“Okay, I’ll get on that,” he says, leaving the office.
Now that I’m alone with my thoughts, I can’t help but feel jealousy starting to creep up on me. I grab a cigar from my box and light it up, puffing furiously until the entire room is filled with blue-grey smoke.
I’ve never been a jealous person, especially not over a girl that I’m just having sex with. I mean, I have to be realistic with myself; Iamjust fucking her. Even if I like her, even if I think she feels amazing lying next to me at night, I can’t let myself get attached to her. Not now.
If all of this was just a plan to ruin my empire, I don’t know what I’ll do. I have no solid proof yet, but I have enough to warrant spending some time away from her.
I text her that I’ll be gone on business for an indefinite period of time, and I see her read the message and close it without responding. She’s probably upset.
Let her be. I don’t need her asking questions.
There’s an icy kind of anger that sits low in your stomach when you feel you’ve been betrayed by someone you’re close to. It’s a special kind of resentment that can only be broken out of its little glass box when your impression of someone has been wounded irreparably, but you still care too much to let go.
It’s an evil little vice to have – hating someone for betraying you but loving them so deeply that it potentiates the pain.
I should have known better than to trust Cambria. For god sake, her brother died on my watch. I’m sure she believes I’m responsible to some extent, perhaps entirely.
People in grief need someone to blame. When a cancer patient receives a terminal prognosis, the family blames the doctor. When a child can’t be saved from a burning building, the family blames the fire department.
When a man is murdered in cold blood, they blame his closest friend.
Cambria is no different.
Yet still, after all this time we’ve spent together, I’d be led to believe that she would have a change of heart. Is she really so laser-focused on ending my life and tearing down my empire that she can’t feel how much love I have for her? Have the last few weeks meant nothing to her?
It doesn’t matter.
I need to let go of her now.
