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Chapter Six
Olivia
He suggested we come back here, to my house, and now I’m so confused. Is he trying to drop me off, or is he trying to get me upstairs? Goodness gracious, I’ve never done this before. I don’t know how this is supposed to go.
Finn pulls his car into my family’s driveway and as soon as he’s at the end of the lane, puts it in park. He sits beside me for a minute and cocks a brow. “Something the matter?”
“No.” I will lie straight through my teeth if I have to. “C’mon, let’s get inside. It’s going to rain any minute.” Again, more bullshit is spewing from my mouth though I’m sure Finn doesn’t have the slightest idea.
I unbuckle my seatbelt, open the door, and grab my small crossbody bag. The next thing I know, I’m entering through the back sunroom, and he catches up to me rather quickly. “Olivia.” His tone is a bit more serious, but I don’t know what he wants me to say. It’s not like I’ll blurt out the fact the only experience I’ve had with sex is when I was drugged by my evil stepmother and raped by her brutes. Getting to know him has already been hard enough from the memories of my past constantly coming to the surface. I don’t need to have anything else come out and add more issues to the overfilled pot.
“Olivia,” Finn repeats my name. This time, he grabs me by the shoulder, and I hit the ground like my life depends on it. The moment his firm hand grabbed my flesh I was taken back again, and now my stomach rolls in agony. Nausea cripples me and I close my eyes, inhaling deeply through my nose. “Olivia, are you alright?” Finn’s voice drops a few keys, and he seems visibly worried as his voice shakes.
I clear my throat and stammer my words. “Y-yeah.”
“I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my intention to scare you. I was just trying to, erm, I was . . . I suppose it doesn’t matter now.” Through his words I wonder if he’s analyzing the situation, trying to see where he went wrong. The fact of the matter is he probably didn’t. This is all me. Every bit of this is my fear.
Rémy comes walking in wearing a wife beater and a pair of jeans. His new tattoo shows proudly on his left shoulder, still wrapped. “Liv?”
“I’m good,” I tell him, and the way his dramatic eyebrows raise practically strikes me dead.
“Girl, you are the worst liar on the planet. What’s the matter with you? Do you want some chamomile tea or something? I know you like that shit when you get in a fuss or whatever,” Rémy comments.
Immediately, I nod. “Yes, some tea would be great.”
Rémy offers me his hand. I take it, pull myself up, and look back at Finn. “I’m sorry, just give me a little bit if that’s okay? You can meet me upstairs if you want . . .” I say the last bit very lowly so my brother doesn’t hear what I’ve said. I’m not sure what’ll happen whenever I get upstairs tonight, but I just want to get to know Finn more. I want to see if he means what he says. If he’s as gentle as he seems, and most of all . . . I want to know if he’s the type of man I can see myself pulling my walls down for.
At the end of the day, we’ll be married, but it’s my decision if I want to care about the man whose last name I’ll eventually take.
Rémy pulls me away before I get a response from Finn, and the next thing I know, we’re in the kitchen. Rémy’s grabbing the porcelain container I keep my teabags in and hands it over to me, and I take a seat at the kitchen island.
“Now, I know you know better than to lie to one of us, so what the fuck is running through that mind of yours?” Rémy questions.
I inhale deeply through my mouth and shrug. “I don’t know, Rémy, I’m so . . . so . . . God, I don’t know!”
“Conflicted, confused, constipated. You gotta give me something here, sis.” Rémy’s words immediately make me start laughing, and then tears come crashing out. Tears I didn’t even realize were on the verge of coming down anyway.
“I’m s-scared, Rémy. I’m scared of opening m-myself up to h-him.” My feelings come rushing out as quickly as my tears do, and my brother comes around the island and looks right at me.
“I’m gonna hug you, so know it’s coming,” he tells me, and I appreciate what he’s doing. Any sudden movements that involve me being touched freak me out so bad. It’s been horrible since that night, and I know it’s only natural given what I experienced . . . but still. It doesn’t mean I like it.
Rémy wraps his arms around me and moves his hand along my back in a soothing manner. “You’ve been through hell, Liv. Fuck, you’ve survived shit most women would’ve offed themselves over. You’re the strongest, most fearless woman I know. But, when I tell you that you don’t have anything to be afraid of when it comes to Finn, know I mean it. There is nothing to be scared of. He’s one of the only good guys I know.” Rémy kisses me on the temple and pulls away from me.
“Good guy?” I ask, cocking a brow. I might be scared but I’m not an idiot. There aren’t any good guys in the mafia.
“He’s as good as they come, alright? Fuck, he’s one of those bastards from the romance books you read. The one who burns down the world to be with the chick he loves.”
“They’re called anti-heroes, Rémy,” I speak lowly, and I do love a good anti-hero romance.
“Whatever. The point is I know you’ve endured some heavy shit, Liv, but you’ve survived the impossible. I get being afraid, but that man in there, he is one of the good ones, and I mean it. You know my biggest flaw is being brutally honest, so, I mean, I must be telling the truth.”
I scoff and laugh at the same time, and Rémy smiles. “It’s good to hear you laugh. Now, are you okay?”
I nod once. “Yeah, sorry for having a dark moment, and I’m sorry for needing you to come to the rescue.”
“Stop it. I didn’t do shit.” Rémy waves his hand in dismissal. “But, Liv . . . I think you can be happy with him and if anyone deserves it, it’s you.” Rémy smiles and walks out of the kitchen, and as he disappears from my view, I realize I need to listen to him. He’s right, and I do deserve happiness. I just don’t know if Finn is the happiness I seek, but I do know one thing—I’m going to find out.
