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~Charlotte~
RELAXING ISN’T MY THING.
I watch the old analog clock on the master bedroom wall ticking by, and I can feel myself tensing with every single second that elapses as I just stay here in bed, trying to keep my promise to Cal of taking a whole day to just relax and take it easy.
One day seems like nothing, like it should be easy. But it’s not. Not for somebody like me who’s existed in a business that demands you keep moving, keep training, keep acting. Having the luxury of standing still was never an option for me. Not only is it counterintuitive to survival, but it’s also a detriment to reaching higher levels of success. Even though I’m confined to a safehouse right now and needing to lay low, there’s still a lot I need to do. I should be training constantly, keeping my skills sharp. I should be strategizing with Cal, working on a backup plan to decimate the Gatekeepers in order to manage any possible setbacks and unforeseen surprises.
Yet, in spite of all of that, I found myself agreeing to Cal’s idea of taking one day to let all of that fall to the wayside, to be devoid of any work talk or action. To just be.
Sure, I agreed right after sex, and I’m always at my most open and agreeable in the afterglow, but it was more than just that.
I realized when he brought it up last night that I actually want to do it, not only to see what it’ll be like, but to savor the time I have with him, that we have together. Maybe we can recapture or maybe even surpass that magic we had together all those years ago.
“Chill, kitten,” Cal’s rough, sleep-laced voice sounds at my ear.
He drapes his arm over my breasts, holding me to him, to the bed effectively, making it clear he doesn’t want me going anywhere.
“I’m trying, sweets.”
“Sweets? Well, shit.”
I crane my neck to look at him.
“What does that mean?”
“It’s a throwback to the old days. You used to call me that all the time. Means last night meant something major to you as well then, yeah?”
He has me blushing at the recollection, how carnal it got. “It did.”
“Been a long time since I’ve had you blushing like this. Guess I ain’t lost it then.”
I roll my eyes. “You already know how good you are.”
“Nah, Char. How good we are. It ain’t like that with nobody else. Just you, just between you and me.”
“I agree,” I say, nestling against him. “It’s nice waking up next to you too.”
“Been way too long. Shouldn’t be a luxury, should be a given.”
I tense at his incredibly loaded statement.
Of course, he notices it, and in the next second, he’s shifting onto his side to face me head-on, barely any space between us, nowhere to escape to, to avoid what’s clearly coming from the intensity rolling off him and his opening statement just now.
“Could you honestly walk away again now, Charlotte?” he asks me, point blank.
Jeez, that’s a hell of a question.
It has me hesitating.
Cal’s eyes burn into mine as he implores, “Don’t think on it, don’t dissect it and weigh up the pros and cons and all that the way you do with everything. Just go with your gut.”
Even after all this time, he can still read me all too easily.
“Well?” he presses. “Give it to me straight, woman.”
I release a heavy sigh and pull away. “I can’t leave out all the rest. My feelings are only a very small part of it when going up against all the rest in the complicated mess that is our lives. What I want and what can happen, what needs to happen, are all very different things.”
He shakes his head, then sits up, propping himself up against the headboard, all rigid and intense. “Your feelings are all that should matter. That’s the issue, for both of us, not allowing that to be a factor, not letting ourselves listen to what we actually want. Don’t you think years of not doing that, all that punishment and grief, is more than enough now? Don’t you think you and me finally deserve to take what we want, to live our lives exactly the way we want, after so long of living under restrictions and all that bull?”
