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MILA
Today has been so weird, and I still don’t know where I stand with the guys.
I told Jace I didn’t want to sit at his table, but he insisted. Then Emerson overheard and wanted me to sit with him too, so I agreed. Jace told Em what he thought about that idea, but I just rolled my eyes. Jace needs to get over himself. I can be friends with Emerson if I want.
I’ve been hoping to speak to the three of them together, but Roman isn’t here. Hunter strolls over to the table, and the look on his face is hard to read.
Then Britney fucking Montlake appears out of nowhere, and from the look on her face, she’s not thrilled to see me here. Far from it. I don’t think she likes me sitting at their table.
“Hey, Britney. Shit,” Jace says, appearing caught. “We need to talk about us.”
“What the fuck?” Britney gives off an ear-piercing screech.
My mouth drops. Holy fuck. They’re still together? Shit, how could I have forgotten. And after what we did on Saturday…I feel so guilty. I might hate her, but hell, I don’t want to be the chick he cheats on his girlfriend with. It’s cheating, yeah? He didn’t touch me… No, I touched him. I feel my cheeks heat at the memory.
“What the fuck, Jace? You’re fucking her now? After everything you said to me?”
I grit my teeth and tense at her words. Fuck this shit. I’m out of here. I get up and push away from the table.
Jace and Hunter call out to me, but I don’t look back. I continue to leave the cafeteria and walk into the warm sunshine of the day. I take a deep breath and shake my head and body.
I shouldn’t have sat next to Jace. He hasn’t spoken to me about what happened. I don’t know if we’re friends. He’s acting like we are but never said anything. I rub the scar on my palm and think about how things have changed so fast from the moment we got to school. Only last week not one of the guys would look at me, and now they want me to sit with them. Chat and laugh. It’s surreal.
All I want is my three best friends back. But Saturday changed things in a way I hadn’t been expecting.
I spot Roman sitting under a tree. He’s hunched over and picking at grass shards. Hell, even Roman wouldn’t speak to me earlier in class. He wouldn’t even look at me.
I want what we had, before I left. I don’t want to go back to what we were last week, but I know the kiss I shared with Roman is why he’s avoiding me.
I don’t say anything as I sit on the grass beside him. His hair has fallen like a curtain around his face, but he tenses up. He knows I’m here.
“I need to talk to you,” I start, but he doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t even speak. “Roman?”
He grunts and picks more of the grass. I think that’s the best I’m getting out of him for an acknowledgement.
“I don’t want things to be weird, you know, after…”
Fuck, now I can’t even say what happened. Because that wasn’t just a kiss, and I don’t want him to think it didn’t mean something to me. No, it was an earth-shattering kiss, and as much as I want to do it again, I can sense he doesn’t want to talk to me after it. And it will mess up everything I want if we do kiss. I want my friends back. I want Roman back in my life, picking flowers and hugs every day.
“Can we be friends again? Like we used to?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I watch the other students as they pass us by. Some look at us, and girls giggle as the pass by, checking Roman out. I can’t blame them; he grew up to be so good-looking. Not that he wasn’t always. I had a crush on him for a long time, but the same goes for the other two.
Still, the pact is important. It’s what’s going to keep them together. I can’t ever pick one of them; I wouldn’t do that. The pact is the best thing they ever came up with, and I can’t mess this up again. I need them all back in my life.
I notice that Roman’s knuckles have split open, and blood trickles down his fingers. What the hell happened to cause that?
“Shit, Roman. Your hand is bleeding.”
He sits up and looks at me, really looks at me. I swear, for a moment, I can see something lurking in the depths of his eyes. Something dark that’s been there the whole time. Only, it’s closer to the surface now, and it scares me.
He needs me more than I need him. He’s broken, he’s hurt, and the only one to blame is me for not being there for him when he needed me.
“God, Roman, I’m so fucking sorry.” I choke back tears. “I’m sorry I left you all alone. I didn’t want to, please believe me when I say that. I was a sad little girl who couldn’t bear hearing about how her friends were all having fun without her, so she locked herself away and cried. Until she was only a fragment of the little girl her friends once knew.
“When the girl emerged, she’d turned into a broken puppet with vacant eyes, dancing for her mom and putting on a show. She used vices just to get through the week. Alcohol, drugs…sex. Until she got on that plane and knew she was coming back to her best friends. That she could finally live again. Be happy and free.”
I reach for his right hand, and he lets me touch him. I flip it over and see the scar there. I trace it with my thumb. His skin is rough, but the scar is still raised like mine. “Blood friends for life.”
