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MASON
“…I hate how we’ve just destroyed each other…” I barely catch the last part of what Winter says through her sobs. At this point, her words are becoming unintelligible because she can’t get it together.
I guess I should give her a break. If anyone went through what she did this weekend, they’d be highly emotional too. I decide to give her a little comfort for now, even though I know it won’t last long since we’re always down each other’s throats at the drop of a hat these days.
Neither one of us is willing to bend when it comes to our own views on what we believe is the truth of what happened that day in London. I let out a sigh and just push it all to the back of my mind for now, because I’m just as exhausted as she is. Who knew hating someone would drain you this much?
Instead of saying anything, I step closer and wrap my arms around her. Her body instantly melts against mine as she rests her head against my naked chest while she continues to cry. I don’t even think she notices how her body just melts against mine. She might think she hates me, but her body knows different. I already know the power I have over her but for now, I just hold her, not uttering a word until she calms herself down. There’s no use adding flames to the fire.
I have no idea what I’m doing right now with her and with my life. It’s like I’m at a standstill because I’m still obsessed with her and the need to make her hurt is still there. But after what happened this weekend, the need to make sure she doesn’t die seems fiercer than my need to hurt her and that’s where all these conflicting feelings are coming from. Though with the way I’ve been acting lately, my feelings could very well change in an instant.
When the hell did my life become so complicated? I hate to admit that for once I’m kind of lost and confused, and I’m not sure where we’ll go from here. There are still so many unresolved issues standing between us and even if we wanted to try being together again, those obstacles are too large to ignore.
“I know,” I finally respond to her last statement. It’s the only thing I can think of to say because when I look back at the last few months… Yeah, I hate the absolute devastation that we’ve caused one another, but I don’t know how to stop or even if I could, and that kind of scares me.
I know everyone talks about how I’ve become an unfeeling bastard, and that’s true, seeing as though I haven’t been myself in a long time. I don’t know if I’ll ever be back to normal again. I think it’s time to find some other outlet for all this pent-up energy I constantly have inside me.
“You broke me,” she says, her voice low, but I hear every word because they’re branded into my soul as much as they are into hers.
“You broke me first,” I say in response and then we’re both quiet as the weight of our words settle around us. We soak in the pain and agony of what those words mean and the weight of what they’ve done to us.
“Is this what we’re going to be for the rest of our lives?” she asks in a small and hesitant voice. From the sound of it alone, I can hear how guarded she is, and I don’t blame her. She’s probably afraid I’ll snap at her again. I’ve become so unpredictable to her now that she’s not wrong in her assumptions. I’m no longer the man she knew. In his place is a darker and colder version of that man and she’s afraid of the one currently standing before her.
Though I know she’s scared of me, my girl still has steel in her spine. A lesser woman would have folded a long time ago after being subjected to so much bullshit, but not her. She continues to thrive. Even though she managed to fall a few times, she always got back up just to show me what she’s made of.
To think I almost lost her for good this time, this past weekend, is still unsettling, and I hate to even think about it for a second.
“I honestly don’t know anymore,” I tell her, because in truth, I don’t know what happens now.
Seeing that she’s stopped crying, I put my hands under her legs and lift her up. She wraps her legs around my waist as I carry her through the bathroom and into her bedroom. I gently place her onto the bed and pull her blanket over her.
“Get some sleep,” I tell her before turning and walking away from her. I have to fight every instinct that wants me to slip into bed next to her and just hold her for a while to remind myself that she’s still alive. But I don’t do that. Instead, I keep walking.
I walk back into the bathroom and then head into my room. I get dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt before heading out in search of my brother.
Ever since he found Winter bleeding out on that bathroom floor, to say things have been strained between us would be an understatement. I know he’s still pissed at me, and I can’t blame the guy. I screwed up royally while we were there.
But the only thing that matters to me right now is making sure that we’re good because my brother is my life and I’d do anything for the little shit, even if that means groveling.
I guess knowing she came so close to dying hit him hard. I shouldn’t have expected anything less because my brother and Winter have always been close friends while growing up, even though we always had to hide that friendship from Dad.
When she eventually became my girl, I loved the fact that two of the most important people in my life got along so well, almost like a family already. Too bad she had to go and fuck it all up with her slutty ways.
And there I go again, back to my asshole thoughts…
I let out a sigh as I walk down to the kitchen to grab some snacks before heading into the den. Gray is probably already in there playing video games and I’m hoping he’ll appreciate me bringing him snacks.
He’s like a bottomless pit. It’s a good thing we’re rich because I have a feeling he would’ve bankrupted our parents a long time ago with the way he eats. But before I can grab any of it, my dad walks into the kitchen.
“Hello, son, come into my office. I’d like to have a word,” he says before walking toward his office and I follow. Guess video games to destress for a while will have to wait.
When I step into his office, he’s taking his seat behind his desk, so I take the one in front of it.
“What can I do for you, Dad?” I ask before he can say a word. I actually can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him to be honest. The last time was probably before Mom’s death.
Ever since she died, we’ve all just avoided each other and avoided the topic of her altogether. If there weren’t pictures of her in some parts of the house, you’d think she hadn’t even existed with the way no one speaks of her. That’s a sore topic for all of us I think and for good reason too. I’m still a bit messed up over her death. I don’t think I’ve properly come to terms with it yet because I was too preoccupied with hating Winter instead of grieving.
I thought she’d live forever but life just showed me once again how it can change in an instant. She was as healthy as a horse, but then one day, she started getting sick and then it just all went downhill from there. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss the hell out of her but as everyone keeps saying, life goes on. I wish they’d just shut the fuck up. If they lost one of the most important people in their life, they’d be singing a different tune.
