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I didn’t have the heart to go into the question of whether my clan would accept her. My nuclear family wouldn’t be a problem; they knew her and loved her. But the rest of them? As sef, I was given certain latitude, but I had no idea whether my clan would forgive such an infraction. It had never been tested before.
The corners of her mouth dipped down.
“I see…” Her eyelids dropped to hide from me, she sounded defeated, and that tore at my heart. Fucking hell, but I wanted her to be mine. My soul thundered that she already was. I’d taken her virginity, for Christ’s sake. Even if it had been done in an exceptional lapse of sanity, it was physical proof of what I already knew to be true. Why did life have to be so difficult? As hard as being sef was at times, even Tasa’s disappearance didn’t tear me up like this. The walls pressed in on me. I felt trapped.
I took hold of her nape and snarled in her face, “No, you do not see. Not the complete story. I am more than the Lupul. I am my own man as well. There are so many balls to juggle at once, decisions to be made, and consequences to be dealt with before I am free to decide. Some things have barely played themselves out. But I swear to you that until everything is resolved and the dust settles, you’re with me.”
She stiffened in my hold. I felt the taut tendons of her neck against my palm. Of course, she was upset. This wasn’t what she’d expected. She thought I was a man with the same choices as any other man. While that may not be true, it didn’t mean I’d let her go. Was it fucked up what I was asking of her? Yes. Was it too much? Probably. Did it dishonor her? God above, I prayed no. I had to believe that, because I couldn’t let her go. I could not. Not after we’d just gotten together. Not after feeling her lips on mine. Not after taking her, when I’d fantasized about it for so many years. Christ, it was even better than my imagination, and that was saying a whole lot.
“My intention isn’t to disrespect you. You’re not a whore, so don’t even think that—”
“It did cross my mind,” she cut in.
My chest tightened. I squeezed my eyelids shut. Fuck, that was painful to hear. Snapping them open, my gaze burned into her. “Listen to me. That’s not true. I’m not using you. How many years have we known each other, Nina? You’re my sister’s best friend. You’re the closest a person has gotten to my family. There’s no way I’d take any of this lightly.”
“I waited for you,” she confessed, her eyes bleeding dismay. “I remained a virgin because, deep down, whether I fully admitted it to myself or not, I wanted my first time to be with you.”
“And it was a fucking honor, baby. It was a precious gift you gave me and not one I take for granted.” My hand caressed down the curve of her back and palmed her ass, bringing her flush against me so she could feel how aroused I was. I ground gently into her. “You have no idea what a good thing you did. I didn’t deserve it. You bestowed your virgin blood on me without me having to work for it. A truly selfless present. There are forces at work holding me back right now, but I’ll never take you for granted. It’s the opposite. I intend to treasure every fucking moment we have together.”
Not knowing if I could keep her, I’d cherish every inch she gave to me.
“Can we not try to get to know each other better? Spend time together. Let’s see what this grows into because nothing will prosper if there isn’t a foundation built between us. Would you give me the gift of your time to explore this powerful thing between us? Give me time to figure a way out of this clusterfuck Tasa left us with. It’s a big ask, I know, but that’s what I can honestly give you right now.”
Nina fiddled with the top button of my shirt, her eyes glued to the movement of her fingers. It was a rare occasion when I was nervous, but I waited for her answer with bated breath. The pressure around my chest intensified until it felt like a crushing vise that would snap my ribs. I’d never felt more impotent in my life. Even when Tata was murdered, I had revenge to focus on and a clan to take over. This…this was a mindless agony. I’d never wanted anything for myself as much as I wanted Nina.
“Okay,” she acquiesced. “I’ve given over so much already. I can gift you my time.” I released a breath. Her eyes flicked up to mine. “Can you say the same? I know you’re a busy man.”
“I am a busy man. That’s why I don’t fuck around with women…until you. My duties are demanding, but every moment I’m not working, I’ll be with you. That much, I can promise.”
“For a powerful man, you don’t seem to have that much power,” she mused with a small sad smile.
“Tell me about it. My life is dedicated to a cause much greater than myself, but I am a man with needs. Those needs include you, and I’m willing to fight to have you in my life, baby girl.”
Did I sound as confused and fucked up as I was? I was trying to speak my truth, but the truth was messy. I needed Nina and I needed time. Time to figure out how to pull it off and walk away from these crushing expectations, but I had to believe I could make this work.
Her shy eyes glanced away and then fixed on mine. “Will you take me to bed?”
“Hell yes,” I swore. Bending at my knees, I scooped her into my arms and stalked into my bedroom. “This night is nowhere near finished.”
