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I shifted in my seat, and my father’s eyes sharpened and narrowed slightly, a sign he had caught the scent of something he wanted to learn more about. The man was incisive and extremely perceptive. His curiosity was a dangerous thing to have turned on you.
“Nicu, is it?” he asked casually.
“Yes, Nicu and Luca,” I replied, praying he wouldn’t delve any deeper into the subject, since I couldn’t tell him the truth.
“Interesting name,” he observed.
“He’s Romanian. They’re all Romanian. Traditional families and all that,” I mumbled.
My heart pounded against my breastbone. I’d never spoken about men with my father. It was unspoken between us that I would focus on school, on graduating college, and creating a “normal” life for myself. One free of drama and tragedy and, it went without saying, crime.
A life free of crime was paramount. More than betraying Cat, this was the reason it would never work out between Nicu and me. I wasn’t about to fail my father on this point.
His fingertips rapped on the surface of the metal table. The sounds of other conversations drifted over us.
“I hope he’s a good man,” he mused.
He loves his family, so I’d say he’s a better man than you, I thought harshly, but instantly stifled it.
“It doesn’t matter what kind of man he is because I’m focused on college,” I responded. That, at least, was the truth. I was doing everything in my power to stay away from him. Since Cat’s engagement party, I’d gotten a text from him. I didn’t reply. He’d called me. I’d blocked his number so I wouldn’t be tempted to pick up.
“Glad to hear that. It’s important to surround yourself with the right people,” he said in a stern tone. “You only have to look at me as a cautionary tale. I’m the poster boy of a life gone wrong.”
I gripped his hand in mine. “Don’t say that.”
His eyes softened on me. “It’s the truth, sweet pea. If there’s one thing that came out of what I put us through, it was learning the hard lesson that when you do wrong, you’ll inevitably face the consequences. No matter how rich or powerful you are, no matter how clever you think you are, your closest friends, hell even your spouse, will turn on you in a heartbeat. And you will have to face your sins alone, having been abandoned by everyone.”
“I didn’t abandon you,” I cut in, my throat tight and my voice raspy. My heart was bleeding. Bleeding for him.
“You’re the one exception, the only proof that blood is thicker than water. Only blood will stay strong, Jewel. To depend on anything else leads to tragedy. You would be remiss to believe otherwise,” he finished.
“Visitation time over!” came a booming voice from the guard at the entrance.
The sound level in the room rose exponentially as families sped up to finish their conversations. Women and children began crying at the imminent separation. It was like this every time, and every time, the reactions of others echoed my own emotions.
I had to stuff them deep down and put on a brave face. If my dad knew how much it killed me each time I walked out of Otisville and left him behind, he’d forbid me to visit him. So I kept it inside until I got into the rental car and bawled my eyes out.
We stared at each other. I caught the look of anguish on his face before he masked it, smoothing over his features.
“Thanks for visiting me, sweet pea, but you don’t have to come every month. You’re a grown woman with your own life. You’re too busy to trek up here that often.”
Ignoring his comment, I patted his hand. “Thank you, but you know what you can do for me. They didn’t rescind visiting hours and actually let me in, so I’m guessing you’ve been on your best behavior.”
His mouth broke into a boyish grin. “Always. For you, always.”
That was a lie. I’d come and been turned away, having to wait another month to try again, but I appreciated that he was trying to be good so that my trips upstate weren’t in vain. It wasn’t a stretch to say that following rules didn’t come naturally to him. He thought it was a hardship for me to see him, but the irony was that I saw him more often than I did Mother, and she wasn’t incarcerated. Resentment suffused my chest, but I reminded myself that it was pointless to be mad at her. Angry outbursts never changed her behavior. Her narcissism ran too deep for that.
“Next month will be Halloween—”
Before he could finish his sentence giving me an out from visiting him, I interrupted, “It’ll be perfect. I can come here and visit my favorite goblin. Then I’ll be back in the city in time to hit a Halloween party at school.”
The guard called out a last warning. I gave my father a hug and walked out with my “chin up and no looking back,” as he had taught me.
Back outside, I joined the rest of the family members who had been able to hold it together in front of their inmate for a good cry, each of us in our individual cars.
