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“Hey—” I cut in.
He held up his hand. “It’s not an insult. It’s how it was. You were our younger brother, and your father was murdered when you were still a kid. You can’t blame Alex and I for wanting to protect you. Look how you blossomed in Cali, taking the reins and creating a solution when none presented itself. In the beginning, when we were deciding who to send out there, none of us considered you. You didn’t even think of it. We’ve underestimated you all this time because we coddled you.”
I pulled back, shock inscribed on my face. “Coddled? I was inducted right after Papa’s death. After killing a man. As a thirteen-year-old,” I replied, dripping with sarcasm. “That’s not exactly what I would call ‘coddled.’”
He waved my declaration away. “Sure, you grew up fast in some ways, but in other ways, we took care of every decision so you wouldn’t have to. It was me and Alex duking it out on every subject under the sun, with Tatum weighing in with the deciding vote when there was an impasse. California with the Hagis was the first time you were given the opportunity to handle a problem, and you came through with flying colors.”
He stood up and moved toward the kitchen. “You want coffee?” he asked.
With a nod, I rose and followed him into the next room. I slid onto the bench against the window looking out onto Columbus Circle.
He clanged about as he pulled out the coffee grounds and began preparing the ibric to make Turkish coffee.
“What I’m saying is that we made you who you are today, including your focus on your ?ef and what he wants. Alex is more of a father to you, anyway. But you’re a man now, and it’s time you focused your energy on your life. Not the family. Not the job you’re tasked with. Not just your cars and bikes. This is an opportunity to build your own life, your own family. Jewel tests you the way a mafie girl never could. With a mafie girl, you wouldn’t be compelled to change. And change is good, Nicu. Don’t doubt that.”
“I fucked up bad,” I moaned. “I came off flippant about marrying her. I acted as if I didn’t care. She accused me of only wanting to marry her because it was expected of me, and she’s right. I want her, but I don’t care if I’m married.”
My heart plummeted as I thought back on our conversation. “She sensed my weakness and asked what I would do if Alex arranged someone for me to marry. I didn’t answer quickly, and that was answer enough for her,” I confessed.
Placing the ibric on the hot flame of the stove top, he chuckled. “I blame myself for your situation. If I hadn’t been so unhappy, if I hadn’t acted out and argued with Alex every chance I got, you would’ve had more space to explore dissension and contradiction. Since I was always the one to battle him, you had no way to stretch your wings. It’s normal for you to respond the way you did. It’s how you were brought up to behave. Now that you’ve had time to think about it, how would you react?”
“Differently,” I replied. “Maybe not as quickly as you responded about Cat earlier, but if Alex asked me to marry someone else, I’d fight to keep her. I was twisted up inside and didn’t know how to answer, but the truth is I can never let her go.”
“You love her,” he declared.
The words settled in my chest as truth.
I did love her. I would do anything for her. What was I thinking, answering the way I did? Luca was right. It was a knee-jerk reaction because I was so used to being at the beck and call of my family, but there was no way she’d get away from me that easily.
“Let me give you some advice, little brother. Jewel’s a keeper. If you have any sense, you’ll lock her down,” Luca advised as he poured the coffee into two cups. His head swiveled around his shoulder, and he pinned me with a stare. “I’d get on that, if I were you, because you’re not wrong. In our world, shit can turn manic in the blink of an eye. I’ve fought Alex for years; I’m used to it, but you aren’t. I’d try to avoid a confrontation if I were you.”
Fucking hell. For some reason, the moment of peace between Luca and me was broken, and now he was back to being my annoying, know-it-all older brother. I couldn’t fuck, I got no relief from racing, but I knew one way to relieve the incessant, unshakable pressure I felt building around my cranium. I couldn’t kill Cristo outright, but I sure as hell could fight him.
* * *
I found Cristo at a club,where he often hung out, not far from his home in Queens. He had his usual entourage of sycophant Popescu yes-men around him, soldiers, and the new consilier, a man straight off the boat, probably from their old neighborhood in Bucharest.
I’d convinced Tatum to come with me, telling him he was the only one who could stop me from killing the bastard. We sauntered into the chintzy club, so unlike The Lounge. Every wall was a mirror, as if that would trick people into thinking the place was larger and more crowded than it really was. Through the smoky red-and-violet lighting, punctuated by a tacky strobe light that did nothing to build any kind of allure, I spotted him at one of the back tables.
“Remind me why I’m here again?” Tatum grumbled beside me as we crossed the dance floor.
“So I don’t kill him,” I said.
“You shouldn’t do this,” he counseled.
“What I shouldn’t do is kill him, which I won’t. Anything outside of that is open to interpretation, and I’m interpreting that the man needs a beat down,” I explained.
I stalked toward him and stopped right in front of Cristo, ignoring the crowd around him. We had entered Popescu territory, and Alex was going to be pissed off, but no one would kill us. We were the most high-ranking made men of the Lupu family.
“Barging in again, I see?” drawled Cristo, looking me up and down with derision. “What brings you to my part of the neighborhood?”
“What do you think?” I spat out. “We have unfinished business to attend to.”
“Back from exile, and your first stop is me? I should be flattered,” he mocked. “Your big brother shipped you out to California, but it wasn’t more than a smack on the hand, because you haven’t learned a thing. You’re still as stupid as ever.”
I shoved him on the shoulder. “You touched what’s mine.”
“Funny, I didn’t hear her say she was yours. I didn’t see her pulling away from me when I kicked it to her. I sure as hell didn’t see a ring on her finger. She’s a free agent. She can do whatever the hell she wants,” he challenged.
