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When I get out of the shower, I find the bedroom empty. After allowing the water to drown out my sobs, I feel nothing but relief for the quiet.
I want to be ready for him. I want to be ready for this intense, real, relationship that he’s offering. And I’m not right now. But I’m too scared to walk away. Somehow, I need to figure out how to get better, how to move past all these issues and reset my business, while also balancing this.
It’s a big love. He hasn’t said it yet, but I can tell it from the way he looks at me. He feels it all so deeply, and I don’t want to disappoint him.
Dressing quickly, I don’t take time to do my makeup or fix my hair. A low ponytail and my face moisturizer will have to do. I open the door to the bedroom and peek out into the hall. The smell of coffee seeps through the air, tempting me to find the kitchen.
As I tiptoe down the hall quietly, a door to my right slings open and reveals Tessa in all her bare-legged glory in only a T-shirt and sheepish grin. Behind her I spot a lump in the bed. There is hair attached to the lump, but I can’t see a face.
“Did you sleep with Frank?” I whisper scream.
Tessa shuts the door behind her and tells me to shush. “No. That’s Carter.”
My face must have forgotten to move because it’s frozen in a circle. “Carter as in Cash’s brother?”
Tessa smiles demurely. “Yes.”
“Is he the older or younger one?”
Please let him be older. I’m pretty sure the younger one is in his twenties and that just seems icky. Also, I don’t think Cash would be pleased if my best friend seduced his younger brother.
Tessa rolls her eyes. “Older.”
“Okay, you are going to have to speak more words. And put on clothes!”
She blushes. My best friend who has never been embarrassed about discussing blow jobs and anal sex is blushing over a man. My boyfriend’s brother no less.
I slap my hand over my face. Could these twenty-four hours get any more complicated? I throw my chin forward telling her to hurry it up, and she turns around and runs back into the room. I hear conversation on the other side of the door but can’t make out any of what they say. Is this a thing, or did it just happen? I have so many thoughts.
Finally, after several torturous moments, Tessa appears in black leggings and a fake smile. “Do I smell coffee?” she asks sweetly.
“Save it. I want to know everything.”
“Fine. But first, coffee. Seriously. There’s a reason for that slogan. And the reason is me. And all the tequila we drank yesterday. And all the sex I had last night.”
We round the corner and are dropped into an immaculate kitchen. Navy cupboards, white granite countertops, and a beautiful anchor above the oven finish out the kitchen that appears equipped to service a family of twenty. “Holy shit,” I mutter.
Tessa squeezes my hand and points to the corner. Cash is in the breakfast nook, drinking a cup of coffee, with his eyes on me. From across the room I can feel his nervousness.
We are in his house, and we’ve made him feel out of place. Stupid Grace.
“Coffee cups are next to the pot, and there are different types of sweeteners and creamers in the fridge, including hazelnut.” He motions toward the coffee and my heart hurts. He remembers the way I took my coffee in Florida. And he’s too nervous to approach me because of how I acted earlier. I smile and thank him, walking farther into the kitchen to make our coffees.
“If you want privacy, there is a three-season room off the patio where you can both sit and talk. Or I can go out there if you want?”
I shake my head at his generosity. I want to tell him that we’ll have coffee with him. I want to slide onto his lap, curl up against his chest, and gossip with Tessa while being coddled by that man. But I can’t. And it’s annoying. I’m completely annoyed with myself. I’m defective or broken in some way because I can’t allow a man who cares about me to do just that. “We’ll go outside. Thanks, Cash.”
Tessa says nothing, but she glares at me as we walk out of the kitchen. “What are you doing? Did you not see that hot, sad guy in the kitchen looking at you like that?”
“Like what?” I feign innocence, wondering if she sees what I see. Is it real or is it all in my head?
“Like half of him is walking out of the room. Like you are the only thing he’s ever wanted in his life. Like he’s in love with you.”
Okay, so I didn’t make it up. Which means I am properly freaking out now. Rubbing my hand over my face, I groan. “I can’t deal with that right now. Tell me what happened with Carter.”
She laughs and rolls her eyes as she settles herself down onto a wicker couch. Once again, I’m taken aback by how beautiful this house is. White shiplap lines the walls, a fireplace made of big white stones sits in the corner, and the furniture is navy with red pinstripes. But it’s the view that has me speechless. Sailboats sway in the wind in a small bay which overlooks a quaint town. Brick buildings of various sizes fill the other side of the water. It’s absolutely idyllic and charmingly New England.
“Where did Cash say we are again?” I ask as I walk to the window and take in the view.
