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“I think you’ll be amused by the particular cottage Sebald and Avenel are living in,” Sai said, looking downright impish.
“Could you please avoid speaking that young man’s name at this table,” Mother hissed, dampening the mood entirely.
I had reached for my mug of coffee and nearly choked on the drink I’d just taken at her words. I swallowed awkwardly, then said, “Sebald? What’s wrong with Sebald? He’s a good friend.”
“Not him,” Mother went on, lowering her eyes. “That servant.”
She glanced up warningly at Sai, giving me the feeling that I’d missed something.
Then again, Sebald had been in Hedeon for two months. I’d probably missed a lot. And that wasn’t even counting the last three years I’d missed.
Knowing I’d missed things in my head quickly spread to the feeling that I’d missed things in my heart. My home had changed and my family with it. Hedeon had changed.
Fuck it, everything had changed. The whole world was in turmoil, and my mother was snapping at a king because he’d casually referred to two men who were apparently in a loving relationship?
I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to set Mother straight, to make her see that there was nothing wrong with men loving other men. I wanted her to come to love Genny as her own son. I wanted the simple feelings of childhood back, when my mother could do no wrong and she loved me unconditionally.
Those days were long gone. I could see it now, and it killed the last of my appetite.
It did more than that. The one thing that had always separated me from the other Sons of the Cities was that I’d had a family that loved me. My father had accepted me just as I was. None of my friends had had that. They’d been rejected by their families, been treated as mistakes or worse. Mother was still clinging to the image of me she had in her mind, I could tell, but in my gut, I now knew how my friends felt.
I’d never felt more like a Son, and it hurt beyond measure.
I shook it off, turning to Sai with a smile. “I can’t wait to see these cottages you’ve put aside for us,” I said, then added, even though I knew it was cruel, glancing to Genny with a sly grin as I did, “I hope the one we stay in has a nice, firm bed and a strong bedframe so that we don’t break it.”
It was a rotten thing to say. Genny lost the mild smile he’d plastered on his face. Vera gaped at the two of us. Taisiya dropped her fork and splattered egg yolk on her dress. I’d embarrassed all of us.
Worst of all, Mother stood slowly from the table. “I must see to the kitchen staff to make certain everything is in order,” she said, struggling to get the words out. “Yulia?”
“Yes, Mother,” Yulia said, getting up with her. She sent Sai a short, accusatory look before tilting her chin up and following Mother away from the table.
I watched her go, teetering between a hollow feeling of loss and a fiery indignation so fast and so many times that it made my head spin. I hated that things had fallen apart so fast, but not as much as I resented anyone who would reject Genny.
“I was really hoping that wouldn’t happen,” Sai sighed, resting his elbows on the table and planting his face in his hands.
I studied him for a moment before saying, “You knew it would, didn’t you.”
He peeked sideways at me, then nodded.
I felt for him, but my offense was nothing compared to the bigger problem I could suddenly see Sai had on his hands.
“This is going to be a big problem,” I told him. “Not for me. I have Genny, I don’t care.” It was a lie, I did care, and when Vera looked hurt on the other side of the table—and Taisiya looked scandalized—I winced. “I’m sorry, I do care,” I said, reaching across the table to take Vera’s hand.
Miraculously, she grasped it. “I think…I think Mother was just expecting you to be…like you used to be.”
Had I changed so much?
Yeah, actually, I had.
I smiled at Vera. “I know. We’ve all grown up a little, though.” I let go of her hand and rested my arm around Genny’s shoulder. “Genny is my heart and my soul,” I told Vera, but looked pointedly at Taisiya too. I could easily sway Vera to greater acceptance, and I thought that, with time, I could convince Taisiya too. “If you don’t accept him, you don’t accept me either.”
I glanced to Genny only to find him watching me with a surprising amount of sorrow in his eyes. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, though. He knew so much. So much that I couldn’t resist kissing his lips.
After a brief silence, Sai said, “I know this is going to be a major point in negotiations in the next few days.”
I moved away from Genny and reluctantly glanced to him. Sai looked worried and vulnerable. I simultaneously felt sorry for him and frustrated. He needed to take charge and act like a king. He was in a public room, surrounded by people, many of whom had watched our entire exchange. I didn’t care what people thought of me. I was protected by my status in Magnus’s household, by the fact that I was a wolf, but Sai’s every move would be scrutinized for the next few days. He had to step up and be the king his people needed him to be.
“It’s your issue to solve,” I told him, pushing my plate back and standing. I brought Genny with me, since he’d finished all of his breakfast as he was supposed to. “And it’s one you need to solve before anything else. Before trade deals, border disputes, and military treaties. You need to guarantee that the wolves will be taken seriously and seen as people, not rejects from the cities. If you can’t do that, I don’t want to think about what will happen this winter.”
