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COLTON
Last night was incredible. The meditation, her gift, the sense that she’d called on a guardian to protect me. I tucked the St. Michael’s medallion under my shirt, it was cool against my skin. The sensation I experienced from meditation was strong this time. The air around us pulsed instead of shimmered. It was a small but subtle difference, indicating that I was open to experiencing more.
Professing our love for each other and coming together without concealing my past was life-altering. I wasn’t hiding anymore. I didn’t feel as ashamed as I usually did when I shared my story with someone. I hadn’t forgiven myself like she suggested, but I felt better. Lighter somehow. Had she done that? Had she opened some secret well to start the process of healing, like she said?
Forgiveness and healing sounded good, amazing even. But was it realistic? Was it what I deserved?
Everyone must atone for their sins. A part of me didn’t think I had yet. Everyone got what they deserved, whether it was jail time or something else.
I was the sole judge in my life and sentenced myself to endless loneliness and unhappiness.
This thing with Remi seemed too good to be true. She said she loved me after I bared my soul to her, admitting my greatest shame. She loved me.
It didn’t seem possible, even if that’s exactly what happened. My future seemed brighter, and I felt more hopeful. Was a future with Remi a possibility?
Being with her made me feel better, and like she said, we should go with our gut. Trust our instincts. Go with the flow, and stick with what felt good. But it was more than that. It went deeper. I felt a connection with her I’d never had with anyone else, and it went beyond the spiritual or the meditation experience.
I loved herand wanted to protect her. I wanted to be with her and could see us living together in my home, taking Scout for walks, maybe even her pregnant with my baby. It felt like way more than I deserved. It felt too good to be true, yet I wanted it anyway.
I didn’t delude myself into thinking it would be smooth sailing. Remi had strong opinions and different views than me. We wouldn’t always agree, but we could probably come to an understanding.
She seemed to think Corey was redeemable. That he deserved sympathy instead of a sentence. I wasn’t so sure about that. Nothing mattered more to me than her safety. If the judge found him to be guilty, then he needed to suffer some consequences.
If he got off with a slap of his wrist, he wouldn’t learn his lesson. His actions might escalate. Next time, someone could get hurt, or the damage could be irreparable.
I headed into the station. Today was our interview with Corey. His attorney, Avery Arrington, would be present, along with his father, Dexter, and me.
I’d let Dexter take the lead. He had a softer touch. It was unlikely he’d ruffle the attorney’s feathers or raise Ryan’s ire.
Dexter approached me as soon as I walked inside the station. “You ready for this?”
“You’re taking lead?”
Dexter grimaced. “Chief wants you to.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“He wants you to take the opportunity to practice your good cop routine. I won’t always be there to help.”
“Does he know what he’s asking?” I never had to temper my questions. My gruffness and levity evened out Dexter’s easygoing friend-next-door demeanor.
“It’s a test.”
“Fuck.”
Dexter touched my shoulder. “You can do it. He wouldn’t have asked you to take lead if he didn’t think you could do it without sacrificing the investigation. Your promotion to sergeant is on the line.”
I shrugged my shoulders to ease the tension in my back. “I know.”
“You can do it.”
“Jesus, Dex. I don’t need some pep talk.”
“Don’t you? Isn’t that what Remi gives you?”
“Are you serious right now? Don’t talk about Remi. She’s off-limits.”
Dexter smiled wide, sitting on the desk across from mine. “Oh, is she? Is that because she’s taken?”
