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“Me faither is here,” she said. “It would be only sensible to ask him now.”
His head darted up and while the suggestion stung a little, he nodded. “Aye, lass, we can do that,” he said, hating how old and tired he sounded.
Olivia gave him another searching look but then she nodded and left the room. Going back to his seat, Conner slumped into it, suddenly exhausted. If was as if the last ten years of worry and sleepless nights had merged into one and descended upon him.
He was beyond the point of tired, past worried and if he were true with himself, a part of him had long dipped into doubt that Astrid and Sadie were still living. Leaning forward, he placed both elbows on the worn wood and covered his face with both hands.
How do I ask him this? Outright?
When he heard footsteps hurrying back, he straightened and fixed his expression into a blank, stoic one. He was on his feet when Olivia reentered the room with her father one step behind. Laird McKoy had a mystified look on his face and when Olivia politely excused herself, Conner stopped her.
“I would rather ye stay, lass,” he said then gestured to a chair while he and McKoy kept standing.
Bracing his hands on the table, he asked, “McKoy, I should have asked ye this years ago, but I dinnae think ye would answer. I ken ye ken what I am about to ask, it’s been an open secret between us for years. Did ye have a hand in the abduction of my maither and sister?”
He met Conner’s eyes, “Nay. I dinnae. I will admit, I kept this feud going because it was what I had learned from me faither but ye kent better and ended it. I was rash and very flighty in me youth, but I was never and will never be cruel. I ken how much yer maither and sister mean to ye, son. I would never take them away for some sort of cruel leverage to be had on ye.”
Conner picked apart every word of that statement, trying to find any deceit in the man’s tone—but found none. Moreover, McKoy had held Conner’s gaze with a firm hold all through his statement and liars rarely did that.
After a moment, he nodded, “I believe ye.”
“Do ye?” McKoy asked.
Conner sat and rested his elbows on his knees while guilt and shame rose within him, and he felt a part of him die inside—the odd hope that somehow, he was right about McKoy. His eyes burned and a lump rose in his throat, making it difficult to swallow.
“I do, it is now that I am thinking of how many years I wasted trying to find a connection with ye to them…” He swallowed. “I feel like a fool.”
All those years, all of them, chasing a ghost and cold revenge… all of them wasted.
“Daenae be,” McKoy shook his head. “If I were in yer shoes, I would feel pride. Ye never stopped searching for them, lad, and I daenae think ye ever will.”
“I willnae,” he said, looking at the two. “I am just wondering what I could have done differently.”
“Those thoughts will destroy ye even more than the memories of what ye did,” McKoy said. “The suppositions and guesses are never ending, and if ye go down that road, ye might never come back.”
Pressing the heel of his hand to his eye, Conner nodded, “I believe ye.”
“Good,” McKoy nodded. “Keep the faith, Ó Riagáin, ye might never ken when things will start turning in yer favor.”
With those wise words, her father left the room, but Olivia did not move from where she was. Tentatively, she said, “Ó Riagáin, I—”
“Conner,” he interjected, then looked at her. “Conner, please.”
“All right then.” She stood. “Are ye all right? Should I call someone to get ye a drink or—”
“Nay, come here, please,” he asked, shuffling his chair a little so she had space to come to him. When she came near, he reached out and pushed her against the table, then took her hands. “I am sorry I ignored ye. T’wasnae right of me.”
She touched his cheek with her other hand. “But I understand.”
“Nay,” he shook his head. “Ye daenae.”
Olivia kept her expression neutral and open. “Then tell me what I am missing. I fear I am already attached to ye, and I daenae want anything to happen to ye.”
“Attached…how? Do you love me?”
“Nay,” she replied. “I cannae explain it. It is as if ye were a friend I had never met before. Why? Is this about how ye had told me our marriage would be? Just another business matter to ye?”
“It’s nay as if we can shake hands, call the business done and go about our separate ways,” he said dryly.
