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Calvin waited, giving Ethan time to put his thoughts into words, and then he waited for Ethan to take those words and find the voice to speak them. The latter was always the most difficult for his friend.
“When we were taken by Shultzon’s men…,” Ethan began softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I woke up in a cage.”
Calvin gritted his teeth. He remained quiet, not wanting to interrupt Ethan. What he wanted to do was punch something. That son of a bitch, Shultzon. Wherever TIN had him, Calvin hoped the asshole was rotting away inside his own cage.
“They were supposed to have taken Seb, but Fuller made a mistake. He didn’t know there was more than one Hobbs. Shultzon was angry. He said I was… useless, because my disabilities were psychological and not physical like Seb’s. He called me….” Ethan’s eyes grew glassy, his pupils dilated. “He said I was broken. And then Ash was in a cage next to me trying to get out, and Sloane was strapped down to this horrible chair. They were going to inject the drug into him. I couldn’t help him.”
Ethan shut his eyes tight, and Calvin pulled him close. With a sniff, Ethan wrapped his arms around Calvin and buried his face against Calvin’s T-shirt.
“I dreamed I was back there, and they killed Sloane because I couldn’t help him. Because I was too scared. Broken.”
“Fuck Shultzon. That asshole was out of his fucking mind, Ethan. He wanted to turn Therians into mindless super soldiers. He messed with your head, and he did the same to Sloane and Ash.”
“And yet Ash got out.”
Ethan pulled back enough to look into Calvin’s eyes, the anguish gripping at Calvin’s heart and squeezing.
“Ash got himself out of his cage, and Sloane got out of the chair. I couldn’t get out. Could barely move. I’m stronger, and I couldn’t do anything.” Ethan shook his head, his lips pressed together as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “I was trained for those situations. If Ash hadn’t talked me off the ledge….”
Calvin put his hand to Ethan’s cheek. “Shultzon messed with you. He fucked up your meds.”
“And what does that say about me, huh?” Ethan asked, agitated. “I’m so fucked-up I can’t function without them anymore. I can’t…. Without the meds I’m nothing. I can’t do my job. I can’t have fucking dinner with my family. Thanksgiving was a disaster. You got into a fight because of me. Again. My whole life I’ve had someone fighting my battles for me because I’ve been too weak to do it myself.”
“We talked about Thanksgiving. That wasn’t your fault.” Calvin’s heart broke, but he did what he always did. He remained strong for Ethan, doing his best to soothe Ethan’s fears. Calvin wiped the wetness from Ethan’s reddened cheeks. “As for the rest, I will always fight for you. Not because you can’t fight for yourself, but because you’re my best friend. If some asshole has the balls to mess with you, he has to get through me first. I know you’re bigger than me, and stronger, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to lean on me, Ethan. That’s what people do when they care about someone. Your fight becomes mine.”
“I’m going to be on meds for the rest of my life. What if they stop working?”
“Then we’ll find something else to help you.”
Ethan sat up and shook his head. “I hate that I have no control of my own head. That I have to rely on stupid little pills. Everyone thinks I’m a fucking spaz.”
“Hey, no one thinks that.” Calvin sat up with a frown. “Are you telling me our friends, who woke up at four in the fucking morning after a twelve-hour shift and ran in here to make sure you were okay, that they think that?”
Ethan shook his head, and Calvin took hold of his hand.
“No, they don’t. Look at your brother. How many prescriptions does Seb have? He can’t function without those pills either, and he’s the reason you wanted to become a THIRDS agent. You remember what he told you when you said you wanted to become an agent like him but couldn’t because of your mutism?”
Ethan nodded.
“Tell me.”
“He said my disabilities didn’t define me. I define me.”
“That’s right.” Calvin placed Ethan’s hand to his lips for a kiss. “You define you, Ethan. Not your meds, not your mutism, not anyone else. You.”
Ethan went quiet. He dropped his gaze to his hand in Calvin’s before looking up at him, his expression softening. “I got out for you, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“In the cage, I couldn’t move. I was so scared. Ash told me to do it for you. He said you didn’t think I was broken.”
Ethan searched his gaze, and Calvin made sure Ethan found what he was looking for.
“And he was right,” Calvin replied with all the conviction he possessed. Twenty-four years they’d been inseparable, yet Ethan still needed to be reminded that Calvin was at his side because he wanted to be, needed to be, as much for himself as for Ethan. Calvin took Ethan’s face in his hands. “You’re not broken, Ethan. You’re amazing, and that will never change.” He stroked Ethan’s cheek with his thumb and smiled. “Thank you for getting yourself out of there. I couldn’t stop worrying about you.”
“It scares me sometimes,” Ethan said quietly.
“What’s that?”
