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It doesn’t take long for me to figure that one out. I woke up this morning feeling better than I had in as long as I could remember. No, I wasn’t exactly proud of myself after what happened with Vincent. I’m still not, and I’m dreading meeting up with him face to face. But for once, my head felt clear. The weight on my shoulders lightened. I hadn’t realized until this morning there was so much weight there. Not until it was gone and I felt light. Loose. Fast on my feet.
I doubt it’s my brother’s presence.
The only other explanation? The woman now in the kitchen with Nora, according to what Jock told me when he first stepped into my study. Nora was in the process of teaching Delilah how to make buttermilk biscuits from scratch. He looked at me strangely after reporting this, like he expected me to put a stop to it.
I don’t have the heart. Something changed last night. It wasn’t just the fucking—though that was good enough on its own. It’s the insight she gave me. How much pain did this girl go through already? Now I understand why she ended up with a loser. Her entire life, that’s all she’s known. I’m sure for a girl who lost both her parents by the age of sixteen and had no one but herself to rely on, even a cheap promise of protection must have seemed like a gift.
I don’t have it in me to tell her to leave Nora alone. No matter what she thinks of me, I’m not some unfeeling bastard. It might be what passed between us last night. It might be the memory of my sister so fresh in my mind after talking with Jock. How would Sera want me to deal with this? Do I even need to ask myself? If my sister had her way, Delilah wouldn’t be here.
Not that I would ever ask her advice, but the thought of her makes me ashamed. What would she think of me now? I’m sure she would want to take Delilah under her wing, though the two of them would be roughly the same age. She’d want to be friends, wouldn’t she? And she would slap me upside the head if she knew I’d accepted a human being as repayment of a debt, even one the size Greg ran up.
This is why I don’t like thinking about the past. It fucks my head up.
Then again, my head was already fucked up after last night. The last thing I need is to feel sympathy for this girl. Her problems aren’t my problems.
Yet I can’t bring myself to keep her from enjoying her time here. I’m losing control of the situation.
And what’s worse, I’m not sure I ever had it to begin with.
Chapter Sixteen - Delilah
“That’s the secret.” Nora finishes placing the last of the biscuits on the baking sheet. “You can’t handle the dough too much, or the butter will melt before it hits the oven. You want the butter nice and cold, so it melts into the biscuit as it bakes. Plus, overhandling the dough makes the finished product tougher.”
“I have to admit, the only biscuits I’ve ever made came from a can.”
She wrinkles her nose, but laughs indulgently. “We all do it we have to do.” She places the biscuits close together, I notice. When I ask why, she explains, “That’s how they rise. They sort of lean against each other as they bake, and it helps them climb higher. You’ll see when they’re finished.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Certainly.”
“What’s it like, doing something you’re good at every day? Something you really like to do?”
Her face lights up, eyes twinkling when she looks up from where she’s brushed butter over the tops of the biscuits before putting them in the oven. “Nobody’s ever asked me that before.”
“I’m not trying to pry.”
“No, I didn’t think you were. It’s nice, being asked.” I can tell she’s thinking about it as she slides the pan into the hot oven. “It’s a blessing. This is a good job. It doesn’t even feel like a job, really. Maybe because I’ve been at it so long, or perhaps because I’ve always felt like I was part of the family. Though lately…”
“Lately?”
“I shouldn’t say. It isn’t right.” She goes to the sink to wash her hands. I could just about explode, waiting to hear what’s on her mind. I need any little bit of information I can get, anything I can use to keep myself out of one of those godforsaken brothels. Now that I know Luca is a lot more human than he wants to let on, I have more hope than ever. But I still need every advantage.
“It’s okay,” I murmur. “Who am I going to tell? I’m sure you’ve figured out by now Luca isn’t my boyfriend.”
She sighs, shaking her head with her back to me. “It’s none of my business. That’s what I tell myself. But it wasn’t always this way.” She turns to me, drying her hands, and I hate to see her looking so concerned but I have to remind myself it’s for a good cause. “Of course, anyone who worked here knows what the family does. How they earn their money that they so generously share with us.” I wonder how many times she’s had to remind herself of that little fact.
“I guess it would be pretty hard to ignore.”
“Still, there was more happiness here before… that night.” To my surprise, she dabs at her eyes with the dishtowel. “I’m sorry. It’s difficult to talk about.”
“You don’t have to,” I’m quick to assure her. I didn’t want to upset the poor woman. No matter how insanely curious I am about what exactly happened to the family, I don’t want her to get upset. God forbid she tell her boss I was asking too many questions.
Now that the biscuits are baking, I excuse myself so she can get on with the rest of her work. I’m sure she doesn’t feel like having me hanging around all the time, though it’s tempting. She’s the only really nice, interesting person around here. Vincent seems like he could be a good time, but I don’t think I need that in my life right now. Not when Luca looked like he wanted to rip his head off for flirting with me last night. Sure, it’s sort of flattering, but what good is flattery if it ends with me watching somebody get a steak knife in their carotid artery?
Luca’s door is closed. I wonder if Jock is in there with him, giving updates about me. He definitely looked interested when he saw me working with Nora, though he didn’t say anything. I wonder what that’s all about, his relationship with the family. He lives here. He must, he’s always around. Why doesn’t he eat with us? What’s that all about?
Right now, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting a phone call to my sister. With Luca busy, I have a better chance of sneaking around. The library seems like as good a place as any to make the call from, since I already got away with it before.
