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Tuscany
‘What are you two whispering about?’ Our lovely host?the rotund gentleman with the kind smile, not Giulia the scary drawing teacher?has just seated us for lunch on the terrace and Jae and Sarah are deep in conversation.
‘Um, nothing,’ says Sarah.
Jae’s more forthcoming. ‘Just catching Sarah up on negotiations about the venue.’ Sarah nudges her with an elbow. ‘What?’
‘We’re still in flux,’ says Sarah, smiling at me brightly.
‘Well, it’s not a definite “no” regarding the great hall,’ adds Jae. Sarah’s lips tighten in frustration but I just shrug. At this stage, I have resigned myself to standing on a leopard skin rug while Jean-Luc and I exchange nuptials.
‘Signorine, you are celebrating, so we begin with prosecco.’ Brilliant. Bubbles are (almost) always a good idea?actually, I could have used a glass or two to get me through that drawing class. I had one eye on my drawings and one on Mum. It was hilarious watching her concentrate on getting the curve of that (impressive) penis just right.
All right, I also had one eye on our male model?but not just his penis, I promise. His body was incredible?like watching a Marvel movie up close. Who needs Captain America when there’s Captain Tuscany? And I’m not sure I believe Sarah’s assurance that he wasn’t planned, but at least he didn’t wave that penis in my face. I’ve been to enough hen parties to know that male strippers are not shy about wagging their willies about.
When we all have glasses in hand?a half-glass for Mum who’s driving?Sarah raises hers. ‘To my dear, darling, adorable little sister. I love you to the moon and back. Happy wedding week.’
‘Aww, thank you, Sez.’ Six glasses meet in the middle of the table in a round of clinks and we collectively sip. Oh, I really do love Italian bubbles and there will be oodles of it at the wedding.
A waiter arrives with an enormous antipasti platter?cheese, olives, cured meats, roasted peppers and aubergine. Oh my. I’m not sure what else is on the menu, but I could happily graze from this platter all afternoon. I load up a small plate and start munching.
‘So, Cat, want to know what else we have planned for today?’ asks Sarah.
I swallow. ‘Well, lunch obvs. But there’s something else? Oh, please tell me that it doesn’t involve silly costumes and pink penis party hats.’
‘No, nothing like that.’ Sarah shakes her head at me.
‘Well good because I’ve had my fill of penises for today.’ Mum.
There’s a beat of silence, then Lindsey pipes up. ‘Now, Karen, do we really need to hear about your sex life over lunch?’
Sarah’s eyes meet mine and we start sniggering. ‘What? Oh, no I meant …’ Mum shakes her head at herself, then joins in on the laughter, as do Lou and Jae. Lindsey winks at me. She may be my sister’s bestie, but I’m also glad she’s here. Anyone who can get Karen Parsons to have a good laugh at herself is gold in my book.
‘So, what are we doing this afternoon?’ I ask Sarah.
‘Well, we had two options?horse riding …’ I make a face. ‘Exactly, so not that. The other option was lounging by the pool and getting massages.’
I sit up straighter. ‘Are you being serious?’
‘Yes.’
‘That’s brilliant.’
‘I know.’
‘No, I mean it.’
‘I know you do and I agree. It’s brilliant.’
‘Sarah, don’t be so immodest,’ says Mum.
Sarah ignores her. ‘Wait,’ I say, ‘I don’t have my swimsuit.’
‘It’s in the car,’ she says smugly, popping an olive into her mouth, her eyebrows raised at me.
‘I love you.’ Her expression softens.
‘I love you, too,’ she says, a hand over her mouth.
