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ooked back at her mother, she tried to put her pain into words. “She was my best friend, and there are parts of her that are missing.”
Judy took another step forward. “Maybe it’s for the best.”
Her mother could’ve slapped her across the face, and it would’ve hurt less. “How could you say that?”
“You might not remember, but I do. You were miserable, Cassie. Completely beside yourself with anger and sadness. We were worried about you. We didn’t have another choice. We had to do something.”
“So you taught me to repress it? I wouldn’t call that healthy, would you?”
“We did the best we could at the time.” Judy’s voice held no warmth. “And I don’t regret it. I would’ve done anything to keep you safe.”
Cassie’s head was spinning. Her mother might not have known what was going on, but she knew Cassie saw what others did not. And she kept it a secret. How much of Cassie’s life would’ve been different if she hadn’t repressed those memories of Sarah, if she hadn’t repressed her abilities? Would she have been able to solve Sarah’s case sooner? Would the ghosts of Novak’s victims have warned her before he’d attacked?
“Well, it didn’t work, did it?” Cassie infused as much venom into her voice as she could. She wanted her mom to feel how much it hurt. “You didn’t keep me safe.”
The last thing Cassie saw before she stormed inside was the tears running down her mother’s face.
23
Cassie pushed through the French doors and headed directly to the refrigerator. She grabbed the first bottle of wine she saw. But the wine glasses were another issue. She couldn’t remember where they were, and she wasn’t worried about being quiet while she searched for them.
Her mother was on her heels, with her father and sister close behind her.
“What’s all this racket?” her father asked.
Laura caught sight of the look on Cassie’s face, but had the wherewithal not to ask if she was okay.
“Just found out some interesting information from Mom.” Cassie poured herself a glass but was shaking too much to lift it to her mouth. “I’m still trying to digest it, so if I could have a moment alone with my wine, that would be great.”
“What were we supposed to do?” Judy asked. She’d wiped the tears from her face, and now she looked indignant. There was the Irish temper she was known for.
“What’s going on?” Laura looked from Cassie to their mother. “What happened?”
“Mom just informed me I used to have delusions. They took me to a child psychologist. Guess what that person told me to do? Ignore it. Repress it. Forget about it.”
“We never meant to hurt you.” Judy’s voice was hard, but Cassie could hear the pain underneath. “We only wanted to help.”
“Tell me, Laura.” Cassie took a sip now that her hand was steadier. “If a kid came to you and said she was talking to her best friend’s ghost, would you tell her to just ignore it until it goes away?”
Laura looked at their parents, then back at Cassie. “I’m not a child psychologist—”
“Go on, give us your best professional guess.”
“—but it’s typically better to work through the issues than tell a kid to just ignore what they’re seeing.” She looked at their mom. “Did she recommend any medication or anything?”
“For a little while.” Judy looked guilty. “But we stopped it. It turned her into a zombie. She wasn’t the same.”
Cassie pushed her wine glass away and put her face in her hands. She wanted to pull her hair out, but she didn’t understand why. Was she frustrated that she couldn’t remember any of this? Absolutely. But did she blame her parents? Not really.
She looked up and found all three of them staring at her. She must’ve looked unhinged.
What would her therapist say at a time like this? Cassie allowed Dr. Greene’s voice to fill her head. If you’re feeling as though all of your statements are reactionary, take a moment to do some inner reflection. Look at how you’re feeling and try to discover why. Once you can explain those feelings, you’ll have an easier time solving the problem.
“I feel like you’ve been lying to me my entire life.” Cassie held up a hand when her mother tried to speak. “Please, just wait. I’m not saying you did it on purpose. I understand you were trying to help me. But, Mom, there are blank spaces in my memory. There are things that Laura talks about that I have no recollection of. I don’t remember ever seeing a psychologist. I don’t remember taking medication. I don’t remember seeing things as a kid.”
“Is that so bad?” Judy asked. Her voice was soft. She was treading lightly. “It wasn’t a pleasant time in your life.”
“But it was part of my life.” This was something Cassie had learned a long time ago—she could wish away the pain Novak had caused her, but those wishes would never come true. That man had forever marked her, and as much as she hated him with every fiber of her being, her experience had led her to this version of herself. The one where she got to help people. “I hate that I don’t remember everything about Sarah. I hate that there’s a piece of me missing.”
