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My feelings for Mikah are so deep that I wanted a romantic relationship with him or nothing at all. I guess I ended up with the latter of the two. His text made it painfully clear that he wasn't interested in any of that. I know that a relationship like that would be difficult. We would have to keep it a secret or face judgement. With a sigh of longing I wish we could work things out. I know we can't. Neither one of us is willing to compromise. I've been telling myself these past weeks that I'm not interested in him. I don't need him. Who am I fooling? I know that's a lie. I also know I've been in a depression that night. All I do is work and go to school. I feel like every day is the same and just getting out of bed is hard. I can't even enjoy my own graduation ceremony.
I know I need to get my shit together and move on. Pretty soon people will start to notice and ask questions. Is hard though. Mikah wasn't just some random hookup for me. I had spent years building up an entire relationship with him in my head. It all crumbled after a single night and is completely gone now. I finally get out of bed and dress for the day. The school is having its graduation ceremony today but I'm going to skip it. I don't feel like celebrating. Besides, my degree isn't that big of a deal. It's just a piece of paper, nothing fancy. I'll never use it and keep working the same part time job that I'm at now. Or I'll end up at another equally crappy one.
I finally drag myself out of the dorm room and to my car. I drive to Aunt Edith's house, my childhood home. I just want to be someplace familiar right now. "Aunt Edith? Are you here?" I ask when I walk in the front door. The house is quiet. "Hello?" I call out as I walk through the house. Aunt edith is a widow. My uncle died years ago, and my cousins all live with their spouses and have their own lives. Edith lives by herself. Family photos line the walls. I frown, could she be at the store? I hear a noise outside. Cautiously I open the back door and peek out. I'm greeted with a loud chorus of "Surprise!" I look shocked.
Aunt Edith and my cousins stand in the backyard. Taped to the fence is a graduation banner. The picnic tables are filled with cake and food. "What's going on?" I ask amazed. They all rush forward and hug me. "We are proud of you! You're the first person in the family to get a degree." Aunt Edith says kissing my forehead. "But it's only an associates degree." I protest. "Still that's impressive. We wanted to attend your ceremony, but you insisted on not going. So we decided to bring the party to you." Aunt edith says with a smile.
We all move to the tables and start eating. I'm touched that they wanted to celebrate my graduation with me. Its amazing how close we are. Despite having their own lives my cousins will drop everything to help Aunt Edith with whatever she needs. I hug her and each of my cousins once more. "Thank you so much for this nice surprise. " I say actually meaning it. We share food and laughter. I'm enjoying celebrating here with them. Everyone is in a good mood and its taking my mind off of Mikah. I really need that. I don't know how I will get through the days, but at least I still have my family. I can always rely on them.
In my heart I know that I'm deeply in love with him. I always will be even though we can no longer be together. I feel it in my soul. I'll always have those feelings for him,nothing can ever change that. Aunt Edith senses me drifting off. She taps my shoulder gently and brings me back into the moment. Even though it's only temporary, it is nice to forget about Mikah and enjoy life. We spend all day in the backyard enjoying each other's company. It reminds me so much of my childhood. I wish things could stay like this forever. I feel a pang in my heart as I think that. I grab more cake to distract myself.
Chapter 12 - Susana
We are in the middle of the graduation celebration. We sit around the table talking and eating. My oldest cousin turns and looks at me. I can feel her studying me up and down. I grow a little nervous under her gaze. "Susana? Have you been taking care of yourself properly?" She asks. She remains staring at me. "What? That's a ridiculous question. Of course I have been." I try to answer nonchalantly. I continue eating like nothing is wrong. My other cousins have become aware of the conversation. They all exchange glances with each other. I see them from the corner of my eye. I realize then that my lie is up. I sigh and set my fork down. They all stare at me expectantly. "Guys, really? It's not a big deal. I've just been a little blue about a few things but I'm all right. I'm working through them, it's fine." I reassure my cousins.
