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Little by little I feel like my life is starting to get back on track. I don't have a lot of stress. My job isn't too demanding either since it is mostly online. I don't have to worry about finances because i know that if i run short i can rely on aunt Edith and my cousins. Things are actually looking pretty good right now. Aunt Edith and I leave the nursery and go to the kitchen. I sit at the table while she prepares lunch. I have stopped crying and can enjoy the little bit of peace that follows. I eat my lunch ravenously and she laughs. Afterwards we settle on the couch to watch tv and read.
Chapter 14 - Mikah
Today is just another day. I don't pay attention to the weather or anything. Why would I? The outside world really holds no interest for me anymore. My time must be occupied in other ways now. That is the only way I can get through life. It's as if one day blurs into the next without end. I might as well be a hamster running on a wheel. Everything's the same, it has to be. That is the only way I can function. The only bright spot in my life is gone. There is nothing else to focus on. I don't go out anymore, I barely eat. Only when I'm at home and I remember to. It's just another thing I need to do to survive. I have been at the office since the crack of dawn. A few people are still surprised to see me show up that early. Most have grown accustomed to it.
It's noon when I pause to finally catch my breath. Another nonstop day at the office for me. I have been throwing myself into my work as usual. I jump from one project or task to the next. It is the only way to keep my mind occupied. I get a drink of water and use the bathroom before disappearing into my office. I always skip lunch now. Any free time is not good for me.
Even now I reach for my phone and scroll through my contacts. I stop on Susana's name. I want to call and check in on her like I used to. The desire to do that is constant. I push her number, my fingers hesitate over the button. All I have to do is press once more and call her. My thumb hovers over the dial button but never presses. With an angry sigh I close my phone and put it away. I put my head down on my desk. I don't know what I would say to her, especially now. Too much time has passed. Besides, I promised aunt edith I would leave her alone. I don't want to make trouble for them. Susana already has one ruined relationship, that's enough.
I really want to contact her though. I'm a fool for thinking that there would be a way to do that. The intercom on my desk buzzes. I lift my head and press the button. "Yes?" I ask tiredly. "Sir you have an incoming call. He says a friend." My secretary explains. "All right put him through." I sigh. With a click she connects the call. "Hey, mikah my man. What do you have going on tonight?" My friend asks loudly over the speaker phone. "I'm working. I already told you that." I answer. I lay my head back down on my desk. I'm so not in the mood for this conversation.
"Come on man don't be like that! You never want to come out with me anymore." He replies. "Because I'm always busy with work. I keep explaining it to you I don't have time." I reply trying not to sound exasperated. "Well you should clear your schedule tonight because I have two girls lined up for us. Man, they are dtf if you know what I mean." He says trying to entice me. I sigh loudly and sit up. "I'm serious man. All you need to do is get laid. That'll get you out of that funk you've been in." He answers.
"Sounds like a lot of fun but I can't. Work is extremely busy for me right now." I reply. I turn him down again, like I always do. He sighs in disappointment. "All right but you're missing out." He says trying one last time. "I seriously doubt that but you have fun." I answer. "Yeah ok. I'll see you around then." He says and hangs up. The call is over and I sigh with relief. That's how it has been all these months. He's constantly inviting me out and I'm constantly turning him down. I have no interest in being with anyone else.
Yes, I know I can't be with Susana but she will always be the only girl that I want. I feel a pain in my chest as I think about her. I wonder what she is doing right now? I know her beauty has only increased. What I wouldn't give for one more glimpse, even if it was from afar. I sigh and shake my head. It is foolish notions like that which end up getting me into trouble. I glance at my watch. I have wasted enough time. I need to get back to work. With a sigh I sit down at my desk and thumb through my paperwork. Working like a dog is the only way I'm able to fall asleep at night. A lot of times I bring work home with me and fall asleep at my desk or on the couch.
