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I sigh softly as I miss Mikah for a brief second. I still feel kind of empty and incomplete without him, but not as much as I used to. I look down at my baby and realize that he is slowly filling in that void. I cuddle him a little more. I don't need any man, not even Mikah to make me happy. Why? Because my life is more than just blindly chasing after the shadow of a man I love. My life has a purpose now and that is to raise my child. I know Mikah would be furious if I ever told him I felt like that. I don't care. I would choose raising my child over avoiding his fury any day. My baby has given my life meaning. He has given me something to live for.
I smile a genuine smile for the first time in months of struggle and pain. I mean it, I'm going to move on and live my life for my baby. Outside I hear the sound of hushed voices. After a few more seconds of rocking I lay the baby in his crib. He remains asleep. I blow him a kiss and tiptoe out of the room. Everyone sits in the livingroom including Aunt Edith. They all look at me when I enter. I clear my throat softly. "I have an announcement. I have decided to tell you who the father is." I state boldly. They are quiet. They stare at me with shocked interest. "It is….mikah." I announce. They are still quietly shocked.
"What happened between us was an accident but something very beautiful came out of it. I'm not ashamed of that angel in there. I do ask that you don't tell him about the baby, and please keep all of this a secret for obvious reasons." I reply. I speak with boldness and confidence. They hug me and agree. Edith surprises us by resisting. "No. I won't do that." She answers. We all turn to her. "What? Why? You're the one who didn't approve of me being with Mikah in the first place. " I question. My cousins sit down and listen to the debate. "I know but things have changed. I think he should have the opportunity to be a father if he wants." Aunt edith answers.
"Wait, so you're placing Mikah's feelings above my own?" I demand. We keep our voices low so as not to wake the baby. "I'm sorry dear. I don't mean to make you feel that way. I just want what's best for everyone including the baby." Aunt edith apologizes. "So do i." Is my response. There is a few seconds of tense silence. I have already made it clear that I don't want to use my baby as a trap to get Mikah back. It wouldn't be fair to burden the baby with that task. I just want to enjoy my baby and take care of him. "Please Aunt Edith, don't tell Mikah about the baby?" I ask. She looks at me, studies my face. She knows how strongly I feel about this now. "All right fine." She agrees with a sigh.
Chapter 16 - Mikah
It feels like time has passed quickly. It has been three years since I made my mistake by touching Susana. The mistake that severed the most important relationship in my life and resulted in the one person I loved and cared about the most being ripped away from me. How has my life been since then? I can honestly say it has been one depressed haze. It's like all the joy has been sucked out of my world. I've just been drifting and quietly existing since then. It's boring and tedious and any other Words that you can use to describe mind numbing. I'm often tired and irritable for no apparent reason. Most days I feel like I live in a fog. I ignore people and never go out. My friends have noticed this and don't invite me as much as they used to. I guess they have given up on trying to get me out of my funk.
I found a way to cope with the loss of her from my life. I wasn't harebrained enough to turn to drugs or become an alcoholic. I turned to my work and became obsessed with it. Over the years I have worked nonstop. It was the only way to get through the thoughts and the pain of what happened. Fortunately, all of my hard work these few years did not go unnoticed. I rose through ranks rapidly. I received promotion after promotion. To my surprise the CEO who had no children or anyone to pass on his empire to, appointed me the next in line. Wow, I didn't even think he had taken notice. Naturally I accepted it with aplomb. It's a shame though, all this wealth and success and no one to share it with. If only Susana were still in my life. I work harder than ever now.
