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My mind is suddenly a crazed jumble as I try to make sense of this situation. I keep staring at her. I open my Mouth as if I want to say something but no words come out. I can't even make sense of my own thoughts. There's no way I'll be able to string a coherent sentence together. I think I have to take time and gather my thoughts, how can I though? This is so much to process.
Chapter 18 - Mikah
My mind is a wreck. It is buzzing with so many different thoughts. The main one is, "What does she mean the little boy is mine?" I suck in air through my teeth and slowly exhale. I'm trying to calm myself but that doesn't seem to be working. I try again. Although the technique is not very effective it does allow me to focus a little better and assess the situation. I should probably start by asking her the obvious question. I don't understand how the baby could be mine after just one time with her. Besides, she was a virgin. The odds of something like that happening would have to be too great. I guess stranger things have happened in this world. This isn't that uncommon of an event.
She beats me to speaking once again. I'm dying to ask her this but she holds up her hand. Respectfully I bite my tongue and wait my turn. "I'm telling you this because you have the right to know. No, I'm not trying to scam you or anything. That really is our baby, your baby in there. I honestly didn't think this could happen. We were only together that one time. It's a miracle, me ending up pregnant after that. I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't want you to think I was using the baby to manipulate or trap you into something that you didn't want to be involved in." She explains.
I listen quietly to her words. She seems confident, headstrong and speaks from her heart. She is different from the girl I remember. She continues talking. "Also I want it to be clear that I'm not asking you for any support either. Not after all this time " her explanation is brought to a close. She gazes fondly at our son again. He runs happily on the playground. I try to breathe evenly, wow this is a lot of information to process at once. At least now I understand everything, including her reasons.
I know on the outside I look impeccable and confident. Inside, is the opposite. I'm an absolute wreck. I know very well I don't have it all together. I need to put all of that aside for now. I've gotten this far, I'm here again with her. We are talking. This quite possibly could be my last chance with her. I'm finally going to be honest and go after what I want, which is her. It has been for so long. I'm not going to be a fool and let her slip away from me again.
This time I'm going to leave Aunt edith out of it. I can have my own conversation with her later if I need to. Right now I need to focus on Susana and my talk with her. It's about time I owned up to my part in how we got here. "Susana, let me start by saying that I'm happy to see you again. I owe you so much more than an explanation. I have wanted to see you for so long. I just stayed away so that way I wouldn't ruin your life. However, I see that I ended up doing that anyways." I explain.
Susana quickly takes offense to my last comment. She narrows her eyes at me. "Our son did not ruin my life. He made it better." She replies in a curt tone. "I'm sorry. I worded that wrong. What I meant was that I didn't want you to be saddled with responsibilities or things that would hold you back in life. I only stayed away because I knew if we were around each other we would become romantically involved. " I apologize and explain.
She stares at me with shock and wonder. "I was leaving you alone all this time because I didn't want you to be saddled with any responsibilities that you didn't want." She admits. It's my turn to be shocked. "You are not a responsibility. You are the love of my life. I love you and I already love our son." I answer softly. I reach over and hold her hand. She gazes down at the table. "Susana? Is there any way you can give me another chance?" I ask. She grows misty eyed. She wipes her tears before they can fall. "Yes" she whispers before pulling her hand away. We both smile at each other. My heart is filled with such joy.
