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I come out of the stupor and charge over to him. I poke him in the arm as soon as I get there, making them jerk apart. Or rather the girl jerks away, Jimmy is slow to come out of the kissing haze.
Which breaks as soon as he sees me.
His blue eyes go wide and then he jerks back.
“Holy fuck, Poe,” he cries in his usual way, high and animated, fearful for the first time ever. “What the fuck? What… What are you doing here?”
He goes for a hug but I put a hand on his chest to stop him. “What are you doing? Why were you kissing her?”
As if my words remind him of what he was doing, he snaps his eyes to the girl. Who mumbles an excuse and runs away before I can even properly glare at her.
And now it’s just him and me and the dispersing crowd.
“Jimmy.” I push him slightly to get his attention because he’s still watching the girl go. “What the hell? Why were you kissing her?”
He looks at me, his eyes wide as he swallows. “Well, she came on to me, Poe. I was just —”
I push him again. “No, she didn’t. I saw you. You were the one who leaned down and kissed her first.”
He swallows again, his drug high crashing right in front of my eyes. “I… I was…”
I shake my head. “I thought… I thought you liked me. I —”
He grabs my arms then. “I do. I do.” He squeezes my arm to make his point. “I fucking do, Poe. It was just one kiss. It was harmless. It was… It didn’t mean anything. All this, doesn’t mean anything. It’s just the high from the show. High from the music and people cheering you on. It’s… It’s nothing.”
I look at him, at his face that’s been so dear to me. Such a dream that I wanted to be real.
And I did everything that I could to make it real.
But we’re not.
That’s what I came here to tell him. That I can’t be with him.
So what does it matter if he was kissing someone else?
I let the tension drain out of my body and sigh. “I can’t go with you.”
“What?”
I inch up my glasses, feeling an ache in my heart. “I can’t go on tour with you.”
His eyes cloud over and that ache jacks up. “Why?” Before I can answer though, he tightens his grip and growls, “What, because of this? Because I kissed some slut in a bar?”
I frown up at him.
First, we don’t know if she’s a slut. Just because she was kissing Jimmy — my would-be and almost boyfriend — doesn’t mean she’s a slut. I mean, he was kissing her too. So what does that make him?
And second, I can’t help but notice that his growl — the first time I’ve heard it, by the way — was… boyish.
It wasn’t as deep or authoritative or rough, so that chills would run down my spine or make my skin rise up in goosebumps.
Like his does.
His growls make me clench every part of my body and…
Oh God, Poe. It’s not even important right now.
“Come on, Poe,” Jimmy’s voice breaks my thoughts. “I just told you that it wasn’t important. It didn’t mean anything and —”
“It’s not because of her,” I cut him off, swallowing. “I-I can’t go. I can’t quit summer school.”
His fingers squeeze me so tight that it becomes painful. Not the good kind though, and it makes me wince. “Why the fuck not? You don’t even like school, Poe.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Jimmy,” I tell him, fighting through the pain he’s causing. “But I can’t. I really can’t. I-I have to stick it out.”
For him.
“I know this is disappointing to you,” I continue, pleading for him to forgive me with my eyes. “And I’m really, really sorry. I am, Jimmy. It’s breaking my heart but you have to —”
“Is it about the money?” he asks then, his blue eyes hard in a way that I’ve never seen before and it makes me want to cry because I’m doing this to him. I’m breaking his heart right now.
“What?”
“Is it about the fucking money, Poe? Your trust fund. Because I told you that I’d take care of it.”
Oh right.
The money.
Something that has been so important to me all this time, but somehow it hasn’t even entered my mind while making all the decisions. And now that I am thinking about it, I know that I don’t care.
I don’t care if he controls my money.
It doesn’t matter to me anymore.
“You don’t have to,” I tell Jimmy. “I know you wanna take care of me and all but first, even if I was going with you, I would be taking care of myself. I know I don’t look it but I can work. It was never about the money so I appreciate this so much, and second —”
