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His jaw tightens then; his entire body tightens until he makes himself breathe.
Until he forces himself to move his chest up and down.
“I lied to you that night,” he says. “When I said that your lawyer couldn’t find someone else to take you in. He could. He did in fact. There was a family, old friends of Charlie, who were ready to take you in, but I refused. Because I wanted to keep you here. Against your wishes. Because I wanted you under my power. I wanted you helpless and hopeless. I wanted to punish you for all the crimes committed against me. And when I realized how wrong I was, I ran. I fucking ran to Italy, thinking that that would absolve everything. Thinking that if I removed myself from your presence, all the crimes that I committed against you would somehow be forgiven.
“And yes, I sent you to St. Mary’s to protect you from that asshole, but I was the one who pushed you into his arms in the first place. I was the one who pushed you into rebelling and skipping school and cutting classes. If I hadn’t, you probably never would’ve met him and… And then I came back and did the same thing. I pushed you again. I cornered you again. So what you did today is not your fault, it’s mine. I made you do it. But it stops now.”
He shifts on his feet. “It stops tonight. I can’t take back everything that I’ve done. Every lie I’ve told, every unfairness that I’ve dealt, but I can give you back your freedom.”
My heart thuds. “What?”
“You are free. From St. Mary’s. From this mansion. From me. I’ll make arrangements for you to finish your summer classes early so you can graduate and I’ll set up a meeting with the lawyers to get the paperwork sorted to transfer funds.” Then, “I haven’t been a good guardian to you. And I want you to know that I’ll regret that. I’ll regret punishing you for the things that weren’t your fault, pushing you, torturing you, trapping you. I’ll regret not seeing you as your own person since the beginning. But most of all I’ll regret making you think that I hated you when I never did.”
I’m free.
I’m finally free.
I have what I want. What I’ve wanted for years now.
My freedom. My control.
Or almost, at least.
He’s called me into his office this afternoon to talk about it. To discuss my classes and assignments so I can make up for my grades and finish summer school early. He says he also wants to talk to me about meeting with the lawyers. Or rather, Mo told me that that’s what he said.
She was very happy this morning at breakfast while she relayed the news to me. She was happy that he was doing the right thing after all. That he was going to let me go and live my life in New York. She said that she’d miss me of course and that I could always come back here for a visit.
I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t make any promises.
All I did was smile and finish my breakfast before getting in the car that he’d arranged for me and coming back to St. Mary’s. Where all morning, I attended classes and went through the routine. And now I’m here, in front of his office, right on time for the appointment.
I knock at the door and it opens before I even finish lowering my arm.
He’s wearing his usual clothes, a dark gray dress shirt, a shiny black tie, and a matching tweed jacket with elbow patches. His hair is combed back, not a strand out of place, and his jaw is clean-shaven.
He’s all polished and every inch the history professor slash principal of a reform school.
Unlike how he was last night.
All disheveled with wrinkled clothes and spiky, messy hair.
Without a word and regarding me dispassionately, he steps aside so I can enter. He then closes the door and walks around me, approaching the desk. “Take a seat.”
His voice sounds very professional and principal-ish as well and I walk up to the chair, obeying his command. When he’s all situated in his chair on the other side of the desk, he begins, “I’ve discussed your situation with the faculty and we’ve all come to an agreement that with a few assignments and quizzes, you should be able to make up your grades and graduate.” His eyes are on a file in front of him that he opens and flicks through. “Considering your lack of grades over the last year, I’d say math and biology are the ones that require the most effort from you. I’ve talked to the respective teachers and they both feel that you’d be required to complete three homework assignments and two make-up quizzes. The rest are pretty straightforward. However…”
