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“It matters that he went for it! It matters that he went for what—and who—he wanted. Look,” he says, sliding his refreshed glass of bourbon around on the bar top. “I was right there when you two met, and maybe I should have seen where all this was headed back then. Because he’s known what he was doing from the day he walked into the Oval, and he knew what he was doing with you.”
“Are you trying to make me feel worse?”
“No,” he says. “Haven’t you thought about going for it, too?”
I close my eyes. “Every damn day.”
But the reasons why I can’t be with Brennan haven’t changed. He’s just as off-limits as he ever was.
“Then—” He waves his hand toward the door like I should get up and go straight to Brennan, lay him down with a kiss.
“Arrête-toi. No, Jesus, Henry. No.”
“Is it a crime? Is it against any law?”
“Dereliction of duty.”
“You couldn’t derelict your duty if you tried.” He scoffs.
“What are you really trying to tell me?”
Henry leans in close, until he’s speaking into my ear. “If he thought you were worth the risk to him, isn’t he worth the risk to you?”
“I could destroy him, Henry. What we did… That’s not just a little risk. I could ruin his life.”
You are bad for Brennan Walker.Bad for his career, his legacy, his dreams.
“Isn’t what you guys had even worth trying for?”
If this is how Henry thinks he’s going to cheer me up, he’s wrong. I don’t have to listen to this.
I’m halfway off my bar stool before he grabs my forearm and hauls me back down. “This is your life, and you only get one. Make a decision on what you want. Go for it.”
“Real life doesn’t work that way.”
“If I wanted something bad enough, there isn’t a fucking thing in this world that would stop me.”He grabs my chin and turns me to him. I can smell the bourbon on his breath. “You have to do something. I can’t watch this anymore. Either go make Sheridan’s dreams come true and fuck him through the mattress—”
I flush. He winks. “Or go after what you really want, and don’t let anything get in your way.”
It sucks falling in love with someone you can’t be with.
I drag my lip between my teeth.
I want Brennan. I’m in love with Brennan. I want to spend all my days at his side. And I’m willing to lose everythingin my own life to gain Brennan and his love.
But between us, Brennan shoulders the greater risk in our love story. He can lose it all.
Maybe this is where I haven’t been able to really get to. Maybe I haven’t been willing to follow my thoughts this far, because the question I need to ask and he has to answer is, does he think I’m worth it?
Would he still love me if he lost everything?
What about the world? He’s responsible for so much good, and I’m still a risk to his legacy.
I can decide to ignore the risks and the reasons we can’t be together. They won’t change, but…
I would choose him and give up everything else in a heartbeat.
What would he choose?
