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Today, Ukraine is a divided country, with a Russian-occupied eastern zone trembling with rage and insurgency.
We will get our way through negotiation or war, Russian president Nikita Kirilov said. He pursued both, and he succeeded: when the cease-fire was signed, half of Ukraine became part of New Russia, and Kirilov moved his forces deeper into Europe.
Ukraine is a near-impossible country to occupy. Its mountains swallow Russian forces, as do the forests and the countryside. Fallow fields are strewn with the invaders’ bones. The Ukrainians vowed to never surrender, to never give up the fight, and to never rest until every Russian soldier was out of their country.
This morning, the news alert on my phone said Russian forces were crossing the cease-fire lines to hunt down Ukrainian insurgents.
“Those units that crossed the cease-fire lines decimated three towns,” Brennan says. “It’s the same tactics they used in Chechnya and the Middle East. Civilians are being slaughtered. Do you remember what happened to Grozny?”
“I do.”
“This feels like a prelude to ethnic cleansing.”
If anyone would know, it would be Brennan.
I’m not allowed to be read into national security issues. But that’s pain in his voice. He reached out to me to talk. How can I turn him away? “What are you going to do?”
Frustration growls out of him, followed by a weary sigh. “Everyone’s arguing in a different direction, and no one seems to be listening when I say that the current trajectory is unacceptable. We cannot allow this to unfold.”
All those different directions were debated when Russia first occupied Ukraine. According to the experts, to stand up to Russia meant certain nuclear war. Russia would push the big red button, and that was lights-out for the world. There were no good options, and nothing to do but watch the invasion happen.
He’s quiet, and I can hear him breathing before he continues, “Where’s the point where we say, ‘No farther’? Is it a line on a map? The borders of an alliance of nations? NATO? Once, the world said, ‘Never again,’ but it hasn’t done a great job upholding that promise.”
Cambodia. Darfur. Rwanda. The Balkans.
He keeps going. “Don’t provoke Russia. That’s rule number one, right? But they provoke themselves to make up justifications for whatever they want to do. Where is the balance between smart deterrence and matching aggression when the cost is paid in human lives and suffering? How can we stand by while evil is unleashed?”
I know him well enough now to know this is the part that’s tearing him up inside. “This is where you want to take a stand.”
“I do. We’re supposed to be a rules-based world, but that only works when everyone plays by the same set of rules. Sovereign rights. Human rights. What good are they if no one will fight for them?”
“The American people elected you because they believed in you.”
“Do they believe in me all the way to war? I’m at a fork in the road, and there’s that saying about roads and good intentions.”
“You know the line you want to hold. What are you willing to live with?”
I hear the breath go out of him, long and slow, like he’s finishing up one of his yoga poses. “Thank you, Reese. That’s the perfect question to ask me.”
Reese. My name. He’s said it before, but not since these dreams have taken root within me. Reese. Merde, it is him. That’s his voice in my dreams.
“I hope I helped.”
“You did.” There’s noise in the background. A door opening, people walking into a room. Matt’s voice saying, “Your next meeting, Mr. President. The CIA working group.”
“I’ll let you go.”
“Text me later.” He hangs up.
* * *
After the lastsession of the day, I text Brennan a picture of my dinner—fast food tacos, which I barely eat—and receive nothing in response. An hour later, I tie on my sneakers and hit the track. After five miles and a bucket of sweat, I head back in.
No text from Brennan.
He’s the president. There’s a lot of shit going on in the world.
A shower brings me back down from where I’d propelled myself into orbit. The spray hits my muscles right where Brennan’s dream hands caressed me, and I spend too long in the steam replaying each fantasy. My cock swells, and for the first time, I jerk myself while actually thinking about Brennan Walker.
