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He flinches. I press my lips to the angle of his jaw, the soft skin fluttering above his pulse.
“I didn’t…” He hesitates. “I didn’t ask you here for that.”
“Look, when a man makes a good roux…” I’m trying to get him to smile, and, finally, he does. He sighs into me, a part of him releasing while another part of him is still vibrating. “You know, this isn’t in your file, either.”
He shakes his head.
“How long?”
“Have I been gay?” He finds my hand behind his back and threads our fingers together. My thumb rolls over his knuckles. “My whole life. How long have I hid it? Decades. Forever, really. I’ve never been the most open man in the world. What about you?” His question is a molecule of sound. “I didn’t think you were…”
“I don’t think I am, either. Or maybe I don’t know the answer yet. I’ve never kissed a man before.”
He goes so still, so suddenly, it’s like all atomic motion has ceased. Fear cranks out of him. “Did I—” He can’t get the words out, physically can’t push them out. “I’m sorry— Did I—”
“Mon cher, no. Nothing like that. I’ve been dreaming of you.”
“What?”
I can still taste his kiss on my lips. “I’ve never been attracted to a man before, but ever since we met, it’s like…” I sigh. “You’re under my skin. You’re inside my mind. You’re down deep in my bones. You’re everywhere, and you’re everything. I can’t escape, but I also don’t want to escape. From you, or from this.” His eyes are huge, tumbled sapphires lit on fire. “You feel inevitable. Like I’ve been waiting for you.”
He’s blinking, looking down, looking away. Jaw clenching, holding. “That’s how you make me feel. I’ve kept this inside myself for years, and then I met you, and… You make me dream impossible dreams.”
You make me wild. You make me believe I can fall for a man like you. You make me believe that this crackle in reality between us is alive, like destiny and fate can be measured by physics.
“Not so impossible, hmm? Here we are, after all.” I try for lighthearted, but I think I fail.
Here we are, but for how much longer? We were already dancing on the edge of a blade, and now, with this… There are truths between us, but there are also truths outside of these walls.
Brennan can change the world. I believe that to the core of my being, but he can only do so if the world doesn’t destroy him first.
And the world would destroy him over this. Us. Me.
Dangerous.
Brennan sighs and buries his face in my neck. “Stay? For a little while.”
“Of course. There’s étouffée to eat.” I feel the shape of his smile against my skin. “Will you watch the rain with me?”
I want to hold him. Kiss him. Explore him, though this undiscovered place between us feels fragile.
Slowly. We’ll have to go slowly. He said decades. Why now? Why me?
Why him? I don’t know the answers, but maybe I don’t need to. Maybe we just need to be together and watch this rain.
He nods, and we climb to our feet. We hold hands as we eat étouffée straight from the pan, sharing a spoon and feeding each other. We steal kisses on lips and fingertips, nuzzle each other’s necks and temples.
At midnight, I hold him in my arms in front of the West Sitting Hall’s windows. The White House is dark at our backs, while the lights of the West Wing, the Eisenhower, and all of DC—and the rest of the world—seem to spread out forever.
His fingers lace through mine, squeezing hard, like he never wants to let go.
