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“Why did you tell the prime minister you couldn’t dance?” His voice is a whisper above my ear. “I know that’s not true.”
I nuzzle his cheek. Smile. “Because I only wanted to dance with you.”
He kisses my temple, and I feel him pulling a phone out of his pants pocket. He fiddles with the screen, sets it on the railing, and then music rises from the speaker. Aching blues, trembling bass guitars, heartbreaking drums. Whiskey down deep in your veins and all-night lovemaking in the summer heat. He spins me without pulling away, our bodies sliding into each other, me inside the circle of his arms. Only fabric separates us. He rests his cheek against my hair, cradles me to him. We fit perfectly.
“Brennan.” He lays my palm over his heart. Exhales.
I have never been more certain of any truth than I am of this: I want this man, in every way, for the rest of my days. I want to be the man he smiles for. I want to be the man he sighs for. I want to suspend time and the rotation of the earth to hide away with him. Learn his body and how to make him gasp and moan, cry out my name.
Two more songs play, wailing blues lamenting lost loves, before Reese speaks. “We should put some distance between us—”
“What?”
“What if someone finds out about this? What we’re doing could destroy everything you’re trying to accomplish—”
“That’s not true.”
Except it is. He’s right. If this came out… I’d be a ruined man. All my credibility, gone. It’s not that I’m gay that’s the problem, but that I hid it. Liar, they’ll call me. It doesn’t matter that the truth is mine, that my life belongs to no one else, and that the choice I made eviscerated me for years. All the world will see is the scandal.
“President Walker Is Sleeping with a Man.” No, “President Walker Is Sleeping with His Detail Lead.”
Congress would dig into every facet of our relationship. Every conversation we’ve ever had, every text we’ve ever sent. Who knew, who concealed? Who helped me lie to the world?
Everything I’ve fought for would be cast down.
“Tonight was…” Reese sighs. “Watching you, watching what you can do for the world.” His lips move against my forehead, as if his words are heartbreaking kisses. “You’re taking a terrible risk with me. I’m the biggest threat you face. And I can’t hurt you, mon cher. I can’t.”
He can’t drag himself away, though, and we stay wrapped in each other’s arms.
I don’t know what to say, what to do. We’re trapped between shoulds and can’ts, desire and need, in the millimeters between our beating hearts.
“I have to go.” His voice is trembling.
Not like this. It can’t end like this.“Please…” Not now. Not when the stars are aligning.
“Mon cher, don’t make this hurt more than it already does.”
His kisses are bittersweet as he drops them on the corners of my eyes, as he lifts my chin and presses his lips to mine.
I don’t know how to stop my heart from breaking.
He backs away, dragging out the moment until only our fingertips are still connected. I want to yank him back, drag him into my arms, tell him no, I don’t care about the consequences—you’re the man I’ve waited my whole life for.
But we separate, and his hand drops, and I close my eyes so I don’t see him leave.
I stay on the dark balcony until the stars fade and dawn breaks on the horizon. I don’t sleep. I can’t. If I do, I’ll see him in my dreams, and when I wake, the truth will come roaring back. He’ll be gone, and I’ll be alone.
I’m not strong enough to endure that loss a second time.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to endure it now.
