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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
JULIE LAY AWAKE, staring up at the sky above. Dawn was creeping her golden fingers over the horizon, turning the heavens light purple at the edges, fading to a bewitching teal blue higher up, reminding her of an aquamarine crystal she’d seen in a gem shop once. Crystal skies, that was what hung over her on this wonderful morning. A morning so full of promise and fulfillment.
Aaron twitched beside her, and she smiled. He’d always been a twitcher in his sleep. She let the warmth of his big body invade her soul, as memories of what they’d done last night invaded her mind.
She’d sat astride him, his chest rising and falling beneath her, and it’d felt so very familiar, but also intensely different at the same time. The way his gaze held hers, without wavering, was just about the sexiest thing ever. It didn’t feel real that she was touching him again after so long. But at the same time, it couldn’t get more real, her whole body was zinging with electricity. His big hands were all over her, stroking the back of her neck, down her spine, over the globes of her backside, along the length of her thighs, until she felt like she was going to melt from the inside out. She wanted him inside her, then. Luckily, Aaron had a condom in the pocket of his jeans. She loved a man who was prepared. Hovering above him, his erection pulsing at her entrance, she couldn’t hold out a second longer and she lowered herself onto him, exquisitely slow. Loving that fact that she held the power, she was the one in control. She could stop it right now if she wanted to. But oh, God, there was no stopping this steamroller of pent-up emotions and needs overwhelming her. It was a waterfall of sensations running through her, sweeping away those years of unhappy feelings. And for those few pure moments, it was perfect.
Now, it was morning, and she was back in the reality of her life. She shouldn’t have done it, but at the same time, had been powerless to stop it. How many times had she told herself over the past week that she was never going to let Aaron back into her life? Then what had she just gone and done?
She wasn’t sure she could answer that question. All she could say for sure was that things could change in an instant, and last night was a testament to that. But now, she was back to being Julie, living on a cattle station in far North Queensland, with a stalker making her life hell. And Aaron was her bodyguard, with a life in the city, far away from her.
At that thought, she squirmed, deciding it was time to get up and face the day. She was already running late to serve the crew breakfast; she could hear them starting to stir. It’d be toast and beans for breakfast this morning. Where had Aaron put her towel? She was going to have to do the walk of shame back to the caravan with only a towel wrapped around her so she could get dressed. What had she been thinking?
“Morning, beautiful,” Aaron murmured, but she was already half-way out of his swag.
“I have to get breakfast,” she said by way of reply.
He tried to snag her ankle as she stood up, wrapping the towel around her, but she shook him off, not needing to do this right now. “See you over there,” she said, and fled, barefoot across the dusty clearing.
An hour later, the crew had left for the day and Julie was doing the pile of dishes from breakfast, her mind already filled with everything on the menu she had to cook. She needed a shower, but was loath to ask Aaron, because the last thing she wanted was him to stand guard outside the hessian enclosure like he normally did, while she was in there, all naked and soapy. Her body would betray her, she knew it would.
“We need to talk.” The sound of Aaron’s voice, so close to her ear, startled her.
“Jeezes, will you stop creeping up on me.” She almost stamped her foot.
“Like I keep telling you, you need to be more aware of your surroundings,” he fired back.
“I am aware of my surroundings,” she said, barely holding on to her anger. But it was good he was being a dick about this, because it made what she had to say a little easier. She turned and wiped her hands on a dishcloth, avoiding his gaze. Throwing the cloth on the table, she moved out from under the mess tent toward the caravan. “I need to get a change of clothes,” she said over her shoulder, “And then I’m going to grab a shower. I’ve got lots to do today. If you want to talk, then walk with me.” Not waiting to see if he followed, she strode toward the oblong shape at the edge of the clearing. It was going to be another perfect Queensland day. Hot and dry.
He was by her side in an instant. “Look, Julie, this is as awkward for me as it is for you.” Grasping her elbow, he tugged her around, so she had to stop walking and face him. “I don’t regret what we did last night, but I’m getting the distinct feeling that you do.”
She almost laughed out loud. Regret? No, she didn’t regret it. Her complicated emotions went much deeper than that.
“I guess we both got what we wanted,” she said in an even, measured tone. “But it won’t be happening again.”
“Why not?” His tone was slightly belligerent, but his eyes told her he already knew the answer.
“Because you hurt me, Aaron. And I can’t forget that.”
His multicolored gaze fixed on her face. “I know, and I’m truly sorry. But I had good reasons. Well, they felt like good reasons at the time,” he qualified.
“I’m sure they did.” Yes, she’d been horrified by his story. Horrified that any mother could think those things about their child, let alone say them to his face. And now she finally knew that Aaron had been dealing with his own feelings of inadequacy and guilt, as unfounded as they were. She felt sorry for him, wanted to help him heal from those terrible scars. But it didn’t wipe away the fact she’d spent months, years even, crying over him, wondering what she’d done wrong, never able to truly trust another man with her heart again. The sex had been out of this world, as she knew it would be, but now she was left feeling oddly empty and bereft.
“And I know you’re sorry for what you did, but it doesn’t wipe away those twelve years of heartache I had to endure.” She shook her elbow free from his grasp. “I think it’s better if I just go back to being your client and you, my bodyguard. It’s simpler that way, and then when this is over, you can go back to the city, like it never even happened.”
Aaron’s jaw tensed, and his eyes narrowed at her words. He opened his mouth to argue, but she held up a hand to stop him.
“You’re good at your job, Aaron, and I trust you to protect me. But I don’t trust you with my heart.”
It was as simple as that. Or was it? If she kept telling herself that, then perhaps it would be. Besides, this was no time to be delving into the depths of her emotions that were better off left untouched. Aaron didn’t need to know about her decision not to have children, because it was of no consequence to him. She pirouetted on her heel and stalked toward the van.
Five minutes later, Julie stepped into the shower, the stream weak and lukewarm, but it felt wonderful on her bare shoulders. Water was a scare commodity, and she needed to lather up her hair and body and wash it off as quickly as was humanly possible. Instead, she stood beneath the trickle of water, letting the emotions overcome her. All the way from the caravan, her eyes had prickled with tears, but she’d held them at bay, forcing down the lump building in her throat. Now, in the relative privacy of the shower, she let her tears fall soundlessly. Aaron stood guard beside the water tank as he always did, mere meters away, but the gulf between them now felt insurmountable as she cried and cried.
Vaguely, she became aware that Aaron was speaking to someone, and she choked back the sobs so she could listen to what he was saying. It sounded like he was on the satellite phone, perhaps to his boss back at Shield. His voice was tense, and had a strange quality to it. Hurriedly, she washed the soap away and turned off the water, suddenly needing to know what was being said.
“What’s up?” she asked a few minutes later, emerging from the shower cubicle with her hair still wet, boots pulled hastily on to damp feet. Aaron’s face looked like it was carved from stone. “What’s the matter?” she asked again, concern turning to alarm as she saw the steely glint in his eyes.
“I’ve just been talking to Jake,” Aaron said. His body was rigid, radiating tension, and he’d lost all the loose casualness he’d adopted since they’d come to the stock camp. Protection-agent Aaron was back in full control. This didn’t bode well. “Let’s go and sit in the caravan. There are some things I need to tell you.”
