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CHAPTER NINETEEN
“BUT WE’RE STILL not sure if these cases are connected,” Aaron hurried to add, holding Julie tightly into the side of his body. She’d gone completely immobile, like a frozen doll sitting next to him. “Julie, did you hear me?”
A shudder ran through her entire body, but then she seemed to come back to herself. “Of course, they’re connected,” she said, her voice flat and devoid of all emotion. “And it means he’s escalated. It means he’s capable of murder.”
She’d got it spot on, that’s exactly what Jake had said over the sat phone earlier. She was eerily calm. He’d expected hysterics, or at least some sort of explosion. Julie was always so full of energy. This unemotional woman scared him a little. This was the worst possible news, and it made him want to throw her over his shoulder, stick her into the car and drive her somewhere that he knew she’d be safe. It was killing him that he couldn’t do that for her. But she had a life to live and was determined not to be cowed by one vicious asshole. So, he’d protect her with everything he had, even if it had to be under her rules.
Her words from earlier still stung, but in the light of this new information, he’d packed all that hurt away to be analyzed later. She’d wanted to push him away, pretend that last night had never happened. And maybe that was for the best. Although the fact that his heart felt more like a stone in his chest than flesh and blood made him think twice about her declaration that they weren’t meant to be together.
“How is he getting his information?” Julie’s voice broke his contemplation. “Surely he can’t be following them all home, or just getting lucky, like he did with me.”
“No, you’re right. We think he might have recruited an accomplice on the inside,” Aaron answered. There was no other explanation. It might be a coincidence, once, perhaps twice, but this guy had found names, addresses and phone numbers for five separate women. That was more than a mere fluke.
Julie sat in silence, again seeming to evaluate his words as he sat with her.
“So, what happens now?” she finally asked dully.
“We redouble our efforts to find this guy,” he said.
“Yeah, like that seems to be working well now, doesn’t it?” At least her apathy had morphed to cynicism. He’d take that as a small win.
“That’s not completely fair,” he countered. “Nicolay has been going above and beyond to get all the information he can. And this new lead might be the vital clue we need to finally confirm the stalker’s identity.”
“Hmm.” She didn’t sound convinced, but moved away from his comforting embrace and then stood. “We should let Dad and the rest of the team know.” Her eyes drifted to the woodland outside the window. “But I don’t want him getting all uppity and calling off the muster, or anything stupid. This doesn’t change anything, not really.” She walked over to the window and stared, unseeing, at the vista beyond. “Perhaps we should wait and tell him tonight.”
Aaron was inclined to agree with her. But Steve Clements was his client, and he had a policy not to withhold anything from a client. Sometimes the smallest bit of information could lead to a memory, or a clue, help save a life, even. Information was power. “I think we should tell him when we take lunch out today?”
She turned and fixed him with her gaze. Eyes that reflected the blue of the sky looked back at him. He was still amazed at how they seemed to change color along with her mood. Arctic when she was mad, deep indigo when they darkened with desire, and bright blue when she was determined. Two steps brought her back to where he remained seated on the edge of the bed, her thigh touching the tip of his knee. His cock reacted in an instant, thinking about how her firm, lush thighs had gripped him with her need last night. Banishing the thought, he looked up to meet her gaze.
“I’m glad you’re here, Aaron.” She touched his cheek quickly with her hand, and his heart skipped a beat. “I’d be terrified out of my wits if you weren’t.” He was surprised at her candor. And she really seemed to mean it. A complete turnaround from when he’d first arrived on the scene. And from her harsh words earlier this morning. “I also want you to know, I don’t regret spending the night in your swag. That was one night of pure pleasure, and I’m glad we shared it. I’m sorry if I was more than a little blunt this morning. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He could feel the but coming, so he remained silent.
“But what I said is true. We can’t and shouldn’t be together. We’re just not right for each other. Perhaps we never were.”
He wasn’t sure how to answer. All the reasons he’d left her in the first place still stood. He was the by-product of a rape, unwanted and unloved by his mother. He was determined he’d never pass on those monster genes to his children. He never wanted his offspring to be born with the stigma of what he’d had to endure. There would be no children in his future, he’d decided that long ago. So why would anyone in their right mind want to have anything to do with him? At least not long term, anyway. It’d been madness to let himself believe even for one second that he could possibly have a normal life with a normal woman. Last night he’d been in a dream, today the clarity of reality burned clear and bright.
“It’s fine,” he replied. “I agree, I’m not the sort of man you need in your life.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Unsure if he’d succeeded, he stumbled on anyway. “You need a man who can give you stability, who fits in with your lifestyle and your family. Who can give you children of your own, someday. I don’t blame you for not wanting to have anything to do with me and my…past.”
“My reasons have nothing to do with what you told me about your…parentage. That’s not it at all, Aaron.” Julie looked stricken, and he almost believed that she meant it. But then she hurried on to say, “And what do you mean, can give me children of my own? Is there something else you’re not telling me? Are you unable to have kids, or something?”
They were getting onto unstable ground here; it was a deeply personal choice he’d made, and not one he’d shared with anyone else. But perhaps it was time to clear the air once and for all. Once Julie knew the truth, then there would be nothing left to tie them together.
“Not physically unable, no,” he replied. No longer able to sit still, he got up and pushed past her toward the door. It was getting stifling in here. “I just don’t want kids, that’s all. Ever.” There, he’d said it.
Julie didn’t answer, merely stared at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted horns out the top of his head. He could see it in her eyes that she was confused, but also relieved. A slight breeze drifted past his shoulder, and he was aware of flies buzzing lazily in the growing heat. How much time had passed since the call from Jake? Julie would need to get moving if she was to have smoko and lunch ready to go in time. His mind drifted back to his more urgent agenda, acting on this new intel. He had more calls to make, things he needed to check with Nash, contingency plans to be put in place.
“I think we should get—”
“Well, I’m not ever having kids, either,” Julie said over the top of him. “So that makes us even.”
“Why not? You’d make an amazing mother,” he blurted out, before he had time to think. Why would she not want to have children? The idea surprised him, made him inexplicably sad.
“I have my reasons, just like you.” Her eyes became shuttered, and she turned away for an instant. Then turned back to say, “I could say the same thing about you. You’d be a great father.”
They stared at one another, caught in a stalemate of shared disbelief and indignation. Suddenly, he had an inkling as to why she didn’t want to become a mother. Did it have something to do with the abortion? He’d heard of women who suffered unresolved grief and guilt over the loss of a child, even though it was their decision initially. Or perhaps she was physically unable to have more babies? Aaron was unsure how to voice these questions, or even if he had the right to ask.
Before he could say anything, Julie seemed to recover her composure. “I’ve said way too much. This is neither the time nor the place to be discussing all our deep and meaningful decisions. Let’s just agree to drop the subject, shall we?”
