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“We could,” she agreed. “But it’s not ideal. The forty-five-minute commute each day would be a pain, especially if we’ve got an early start. There might be an alternative.” She fixed him with her watercolor gaze, but bit her bottom lip as if suddenly unsure. “Nash bought a property down the road, about halfway between Dimbulah and here. He and Skylar live in the main house, but there are lots of other old buildings scattered around the property. Skylar mentioned to me the other day that there’s an old barn that needs a lot of work, but it could be converted to a sort of one bedroom studio. It’s secluded, around five hundred meters from the main house, hidden by a row of old pine trees the previous owner planted long ago.”
“Sounds like you’ve been thinking about this, too,” he said, tilting his head on one side.
“Maybe a little,” she agreed with a cheeky flick of her caramel fringe. “So, what do you think? We’d pay Nash rent, of course. And it’d take a few months to get the place habitable, so we couldn’t move in straight away.”
“I think that might work.” Aaron ran a hand up the nape of her neck, eliciting a shiver of delight. His fingers tangled in a fine necklace, and he stopped to tug it out from beneath the collar of her shirt. He stared at the small, diamond charm, his heartbeat erratic. “You kept it all this time?” he whispered as he rubbed the jewel between his fingertips.
“Of course, I did,” she replied, her lips curving in a sensuous half-smile. “There were quite a few times it ended up in the garbage. But I always retrieved it, because I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of the last thing that reminded me of you.”
This was one more proof that Julie meant what she’d said, that she’d never really stopped loving him. “Thank you,” he said, releasing the necklace and claiming her mouth once more. When he finally came up for air, his bulging erection reminded him of what he really wanted to do; get Julie to bed. And his mind went back to their living arrangements. “A couple of months is a long time, though. I’m not sure I can wait that long to have you all to myself; to move in with you.”
“Really?” she asked, sitting back, her mouth screwed into a knot of concern. “Because I’m still finding this all a little hard to get my head around. I know we love each other, that part isn’t in question,” she added hurriedly. “But we’re both a little…fucked up, to put it nicely.” She smiled to lessen the sting of her words. “Can we really make this work?”
He studied her for uncounted seconds as a bird high up in the river gum warbled its midday song. He took her face in his hands. “I was scared before. Scared you might think I was a monster. Scared I might pass my terrible childhood on to my kids; that I’d be a terrible partner and a terrible father. But I’m not afraid of that side of myself anymore. And now I see you’re stronger than I ever gave you credit for. I’m prepared to take the risk, if you are.” He moved his hands down to her shoulders, suddenly tense as he watched different emotions cross her face.
“Love is complicated, but it’s all about being vulnerable, and taking risks,” she said at last. “I already told you that I’m no longer afraid of having kids, anymore. Not tomorrow, mind you.” She held up a hand in a stopping motion. “But one day, definitely. And the whole reason I can even entertain that idea now, is because I’m with you.”
Julie had told him that she’d started online appointments with someone—a professional in the field who helped women who’d lost a baby either through abortion or miscarriage—dealing with the shame and guilt she’d suffered after her termination. Aaron was so proud of her. During their long phone calls while he was in Brisbane, they’d talked over some of their many problems and flaws. Julie had finally revealed that a part of her not wanting to have children stemmed from her fear that her baby might suffer from the same disease which had caused her to abort her first pregnancy. But after talking to the counsellor, she found out the risk of having a second baby with Trisomy 18 was less than one percent. And she was at no greater risk than any other new mother of having something else wrong with her baby. Julie admitted that it’d probably take a lot more positive reinforcement before she was ready to try for a baby, but she was on the path to feeling one day happy to have a family of her own.
They’d both come such a long way. Maybe, in a twisted sort of way, the twelve years they’d spent apart had been necessary; had helped them grow and mature, so they were now capable of handling these strong emotions, and personal traumas which were sometimes terrifying. So they truly understood what it meant to love unconditionally.
“I would be honored to have a family with you, Ms Bradshaw,” he said, deadly serious now. “We would make some beautiful babies together.”
“Yes, we would.” That mischievous smile was back, the one that’d been burned into his soul, the one he missed so much when she wasn’t around. The one where Julie was about to erupt with a funny joke, possibly at his expense. Or she might break into a spontaneous dance or do a magic trick. But he loved that positive, sunny, carefree side of her.
“By the way.” He stilled for a second, catching her gaze and holding it. “I haven’t forgotten that you never told me your nickname. You know, the one Dale used to call you when you were little.”
Julie squealed in delight, then pouted suggestively at him. “I shall never tell,” she declared. “My lips are sealed.”
“Well, I have many ways of unsealing those lips, and I mean to try them all. I have all the time in the world to learn your secrets now.” He ran his hands down her back and cupped her luscious ass in his palms, pulling her even closer. “I am inevitable,” he said, wondering if she’d grasp this latest Avengers quote.
“Do your best, Thanos, but I am stronger than you know,” she laughed, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tight, giggling into his ear.
She was strong, and clever and sassy and stunning. They had a shared past, and now they’d have a shared future, as well. He couldn’t wait to start their life together.
