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“Go ahead and ask, because I don’t know what you want.”
His chest expanded in a deep breath. “I know Gracie said something to you about the damage from my chemotherapy. I didn’t mention it before, but I don’t know if I can ever father a child. So adopting Gabe… that’s the fulfillment of my dream.”
Her throat was all lumpy. She didn’t dare speak. Poor Jarrett had lost so much, yet he never showed any resentment.
“But I realized, with this other guy, the one you’re in love with, you might be able to have a child of your own. To get pregnant and give birth to a baby. I thought that might be important to you, like Gabe is to me.”
“What are you asking?”
“I don’t want a divorce, Rylie.” Jarrett stood, pacing back and forth in the small space like a caged lion. “I don’t want to share custody of Gabe. To see him every other weekend. I’ve been trying to talk you out of it. I think we’d both be miserable. But then I realized you might rather marry this other man so you could get pregnant and have babies of your own. Is that what you want?”
When his intent sunk in, it knocked the breath out of her. He was hoping she would choose to marry and have babies with someone else so he wouldn’t have to share Gabe. He was asking if she would give him full custody. Her empty stomach churned. Gabe was the son Jarrett had worked for and dreamed of. He might be the only son he could ever have. If she truly loved Jarrett, how could she take that away from him?
“If I did that… if I married someone else… could I still come to visit Gabe?” She made no effort to stop the tears that poured down her face.
“Of course, you could. I’m not a monster.” He found her hands and tugged her up and into his arms, the place that had felt so safe only hours ago when they were sleeping. “You’re Gabe’s mother, and he needs to be with you, even if you have six kids, like Gracie. I just want you to be happy.”
“Okay.” She sniffed, savoring his scent, the way his chest flexed when he moved, the feel of his strong arms around her.
Something wet splashed on her forehead, and she looked up to find him wiping his face on his sleeve. Jarrett crying? It never happened.
“Rylie, are you sure about this?” he asked. “This man… who is he? Can you trust him?”
“He’s a good man… better than I deserve.” She bit her lip to stop it from shaking. “And I trust him, completely.”
“He hurt you before, right? He must’ve rejected you, or you’d still be together. How do you know he won’t do it again?”
“The truth is he’s never hurt me. I’ve only hurt myself.” She struggled to loosen her throat so the air could get through. “Don’t worry about me, Jarrett. Let’s just think about Gabe and get him healthy again.”
His arms dropped, and he turned, moving to stand beside Gabe, his tiny body dwarfed on the hospital bed, wires and tubes extending every direction. Jarrett’s hand brushed gently on his son’s cheek as the monitors beeped, summarizing a human life in a series of meaningless numbers. He looked back at Rylie, his face crumpling. “What if we lose him?”
She moved beside him, her arms around his waist. It was where she belonged, at least for the next four weeks.
“We aren’t going to lose him!” she said.
He nodded, taking a deep breath, and his confident mask slid back in place. For a brief moment, he’d let her see him, vulnerable and hurting. It had been an honor.
Now that she knew the depth of his pain, she wanted to do something, anything, to ease his worries. One thing came to mind, and all it would take was a simple email. She would send it when he stepped out of the room, before she lost her courage.
Chapter 23
Jarrett walked down the hall to the supplemental waiting room, currently unoccupied, to make his phone call. He discovered Matthew had learned about Gabe’s medical issues via a late-night call from Carlie, who was currently in California.
“I was planning to drop by this afternoon,” Matthew said.
“You have papers for us to sign?”
“No,” he said, in an offended tone. “I’m coming as a friend… and future family, I hope. But there is something I need to talk to you about. I got a confusing email, and I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”
“We can talk about that later,” Jarrett said. “I need to tell you something in private. I don’t want Rylie to hear.”
“Okay…” He dragged the word out, as if he was nervous about what Jarrett might say.
“When you draw up the divorce papers, I want Rylie to get full custody.”
“Are you people crazy? You can’t do that!”
“I can and I will. You’re my attorney, make it happen.”
