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“I just said you should put all this effort you’re giving to me into a woman who’ll actually stay with you. I don’t have tomorrow to give you. It’s all got to be about today.”
“That may be,” El Diablo said, looking carefully at Reaper before continuing. “But you’re with him now. Let him spoil you as he sees fit.”
“This whole thing is so surreal… Can’t you see how wrong this all is? He should be out there doing all this with a woman he plans on keeping. Not me. No one can keep me. I’m dying!”
“One thing at a time, sweet,” El Diablo soothed. Jezebel moved to me and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I returned it automatically.
“Honey, we just want you happy. El Segador does too. And, if you’ll take time to really think about it, I think you’ll find he feels something special for you. This isn’t something he’s doing out of pity, if that’s what you’re afraid of. He’s doing it because he…” She trailed off and looked up at Reaper. “He’s doing it because you’re special to him. We’re all helping in every way we can. I got El Segador’s list ready with instructions for everything on that list to be loaded on the plane. Me and the girls picked out all the stuff for you. Fury made sure you had the oxygen and equipment for a trip at that elevation, and that El Segador knew how to use it. When you get back, we’ve got other things planned.” She smiled at me, brushing away the tears tracking down her cheeks. Then she brushed mine away. I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. “You’ve made more than a few friends here, Swan. You’re a very special woman indeed to get this bunch on your side so readily. They’re usually suspicious of everyone, but you even won Samson over. I can’t even begin to tell you how rare that is.”
“I wasn’t trying to win anyone over,” I muttered. I looked over at Reaper. His face was still blank, but I could tell I’d hurt him. With a small sob, I threw myself into his arms. Without a moment’s hesitation, he had his arms out and ready for me. When he held me to him, he squeezed me to him almost unbearably tightly. Not that I minded. My arms were so tight around his neck, I was probably strangling him. “I j-just want to not die!”
To my complete and utter horror, I broke down completely. I think it was the first time since my diagnosis I let the reality that I was going to die soon sink into my mind. I was scared of so many things. So many fucking things.
“I don’t want to die, but I’m afraid of lingering. I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. I just… I want children and to see them grow up and have children of their own! Is that too much to ask? I’m not a bad person, Reaper.” I sobbed, my words running together. My chest ached, and fear was so sharp I couldn’t contain it.
“You could never be a burden on anyone, baby,” Reaper said. His voice was husky. I thought I felt Jezebel and El Diablo surrounding me as well as Reaper, but I wasn’t sure. “We’re all here to help you. Me especially.” Reaper kissed the top of my head. “I’ll always be here for you no matter what.”
“Us too, precious girl,” El Diablo added.
“All the girls,” Jezebel said. “We’re all here. The whole club. Anything you need, we’ll see that you have it.”
I looked up at Reaper, cupping the side of his face with my hand. “I just don’t want you to waste time on me when you could be with someone who’ll be with you the rest of your life. I don’t want to take away from your happiness.”
“You’re not,” he said with a shake of his head. “Before you came along, I fucked a few women here and there, but I’d never met anyone I wanted to keep. You, I want. If that means it’s for a few weeks or months or years, then I’ll take it. It will gut me if you leave, but I’ll take anything I can get and welcome the pain if I get to keep you in my life as long as possible.”
I looked at him for long moments. I got the sense there was more he wanted to say, but I had no idea what. I sniffed, then tried to laugh a little. “I’m such a mess.”
“You’re perfect,” Jezebel said. “You’re absolutely perfect. Now. Let Reaper spoil you as he sees fit. Join the mile-high club. Let him show you the joys of sex while you go on a glorious, exotic vacation. If you hate it, at least you get to say you saw the highest mountain in the world, and you hated every fucking second of it.” She grinned. “But I’m betting Reaper can make you enjoy at least part of the journey.”
“Oh, I have no doubt about that,” I said through my tears. El Diablo handed me a few tissues, and I wiped my tears and my dripping nose. “Gross,” I muttered into the tissue.
“We’re all here for you, but most especially El Segador. Let him.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said as I buried my face in Reaper’s shirt once again. “I’m a hot mess right now.”
“How many times have you broken down like this?” Reaper asked his question gently, but I got where he was going.
“None. This is the first time.”
“Maybe you needed to.”
“Not sure I ever let myself think about it long enough to. I was just so focused on not thinking about it. I didn’t have anyone…”
“Well, you do now.” Reaper kissed the top of my head. “You have me. You have Jezebel and all the other ol’ ladies. We’ve got your back. But most especially me. I’m gonna be here with you through it all. I swear to you on my life, Swan.”
“OK.” There was nothing else for me to say. I looked up at Reaper. “When does the plane leave?”
He grinned at me. “That’s my girl. We’ve got another hour, but honestly, this is on our time. We can leave whenever the fuck we want.”
I gave everyone a watery smile, still wiping at my nose. “Well, we can’t let everyone’s hard planning go to waste. Let’s go conquer Everest.”
* * *
Swan
The flight to Nepal was interesting, to say the least. There wasn’t much to do on the flight other than have sex, and Reaper and I did tons of it. He also told me about his past. At least as much as he could. He said there were things he’d never tell me, no matter how long we were together, because he never wanted that part of his life to touch me. I got the impression he’d killed several times and might even do so again. No matter what he thought, it didn’t bother me. I was from the South, and we all knew that sometimes people just needed killing.
Once we got to Nepal, I was so mixed up with the time I just laughed and gave up. We landed at exactly eight-thirty P.M. local time, which was nine hours and forty-five minutes later than it was in Palm Beach. As if the time change itself wasn’t enough, I now had to contend with the fifteen-minute shortfall. Ugh!
