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This sucked big huge hairy donkey balls.
I stood and shuffled to the closet for a washcloth. I always made sure to buy the fluffiest, pinkest ones I could find.
Right now, I wished I’d bought at least one that felt like sandpaper.
I ran it under warm water and squirted some of my lavender soap on it.
Then I walked back out and wiped down a man who did not deserve to be wiped down.
Then I calmed down the puppy and made sure she went to sleep.
Then, I sat on the couch and stared at the biggest mistake I’d made in my life.
And I did that until six-fifty-five in the morning.
At precisely that time, I went to the kitchen and returned with two large pot lids.
I crouched down by Trey’s ear.
And bashed the lids together like they were cymbals.
His drunken/high snore stopped and he jerked himself awake.
His eyelids opened and he looked more than confused.
I hit the lids together again.
His eyes found mine and he reached out instantly to remove my new musical instruments from my hands.
But seeing as I hadn’t been out all night partying, drinking, popping pills, and rubbing my naked body against heavily perfumed women—I could move a lot faster than Trey could.
I continued bashing the lids together until he finally managed to stand up.
Hands over his ears, he screamed at me, “Would you fucking stop that?”
Hayley was barking her face off in my room, but she was safe in there.
I stopped my concert long enough to shout, “Leave!”
He frowned at me. “What the fuck is your problem?”
“Ha! That’s easy. It’s you!” I hit the lids together again. The poor puppy was having a fit and scratching on the door. Probably wondering if the place was falling down.
“Christ,” he said before making his way to my bedroom. He opened the door, and the puppy came running out.
She barked at him and then she rushed to me.
Trey huffed. “Let’s go home and away from the crazy lady,” he called to Hayley.
But the puppy cowered away from him. “What are you doing? Come here.”
He stepped closer and reached down for her.
Again, she moved in the opposite direction.
Trey grabbed his stomach—a look of shock crossing his face.
I stood stock still and watched him run through the living room and down the hall.
Then I heard him wretch.
If he didn’t make it to the toilet, I was going to kill him.
