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“Why do you care if I still have feelings for him?”
I bit down on the inside of my mouth before replying. “I don’t care.”
“Ugh! Fuck,you’re annoying. You do care, I can see it in your eyes.”
I shook my head, wiping all sentiment from my face before I whipped my head to the left to stare at him. The dim lights from the dash made his face look like abstract art. All dark blocky shadows with blue illumination on his mouth and lips. Fuck but I did love that mouth. And his eyes, and the way his snooty eyebrow crept up his forehead, and that small beauty mark on his lower back, and the way he whispered my name when he came down my throat, and the way he sat on his horse and drank his coffee with his stupid pinky out and a hundred thousand other things that would take me forever to list. Jesus and Mary. I loved the man…
“Just tell me,” Shepherd asked on a shaky exhalation.
“I care,” I confessed, then girded my poor loins for the slap down. “I know we said it was just sex, and that you were leaving soon, but somewhere along the line, I started liking you. Which is totally fucking with my tiny, addlepated brain because you’re a McCrary and that name affects me like an outbreak of genital warts.”
“You romantic idiot.” We snorted in amusement. “Nothing gets me hotter than being called a genital wart.”
“Yeah, me and Shakespeare make all the pretty words.”
“Yes, so poetic. Are you shielding your balls for a reason?”
“Just in case the second nut shot was coming.” I left my hands over my crotch. Perhaps I should have one hand over my balls and the other over my heart. Both were in danger.
“I never fight that dirty. Hell, I can’t even remember what we’re fighting about anymore. I do pull hair on occasion, though.” He popped his seatbelt, fisted my hair, and pulled my head over the console so that he could ravage my mouth. I moaned low and long, my tongue knotting with his as my dick began to plump up. The taste of him was intoxicating. If I’d not known I’d never gotten a drink at Marble Mary’s, I’d swear I was drunk.
“Hell, that was sweet,” I whispered when he pulled back. I tried to read his gaze but the interior was too dark, the shadows too long in this position. “What are we doing here, McCrary?” I asked, trusting him enough to expose my balls. I cupped his face loving the soft feel of his beard on my palm.
“Something asinine.” He turned his face into my touch. God but I wanted to get all over him right now. But the temperature in the cab was plummeting and we had other things to attend to before naked time. Like my run-in with the law. I needed to tell Landon what happened before it traveled to his ears via the grapevine. And then there were the other McCrarys who now knew where Shepherd was and who he was riding the range with. So to speak. “I’m not sure how you did it, but you actually got me to like you too.”
“I’m irresistible. Ask anyone.” I led his mouth to mine for another taste.
“You’re a flaming asshole is what you are.” He sighed, his breath tickling my lips. “I have to get my life together before I can get involved with anyone.”
“You have a life on the Blue Ice now. You’re part of our queer cowboy club.”
He smiled sadly, his eyes closing for a moment. I rubbed my thumb over his cheek. “Everyone at Blue Ice hates me.”
“Not everyone.” He snorted. “Seriously. Dundee likes you. And me. And uhm…well me and Dundee like you. As for the other dimwits, well…they’ll come around.”
“The only reason they didn’t drown me in the Jante is because of your backing and the fact that they found out I was gay.” I opened my mouth to argue but couldn’t. “Which I appreciate because without them taking me in, feeding my horse, and paying me, I’d probably be sleeping under the bridge outside Copper Falls with only my trusty steed to keep me warm.”
“They’ll come around. They will. I’ll make them.”
He shook his head. “Kyle, you can’t make them accept me. Either they will on their own terms or they won’t. To be honest, I really don’t blame them. My family has been terrible to the locals around here for generations. Any change of thinking will be slow to come and hard-earned, and I’m ready to do that.”
“If you hung around, they’d get to know you better. Like I did minus all the rimming and prostate tickling.” He shook his head, and the corners of his sensual mouth pulled up into a feeble smile. It was then I knew I’d lost this round. And deep down, I truly did get what and why he was doing what he was doing. Didn’t make it hurt any less, though.
“When are you leaving for Cheyenne?” I asked as a boulder of hurt settled right on my chest. Damn it. This was why I never got attached to anyone. All this love bullshit just left you vulnerable to pain.
“Next week probably after I get paid. I’ve been in touch with an attorney there who’s willing to take my case for a small down payment, and I suspect she sees dollar signs floating around my head. I told her we might be in for a real battle in court, but I’m willing to spend my last dime to show them that I’m not backing down.”
“Your brothers are idiots. Everyone knows that the dog you kick will bite the hardest when given a chance. I really wish you could hang around, but I get why you’re going.”
He stole a kiss, then sat back in his seat. My hand fell to the console. “I have to do this myself. I’ve relied on other people to take care of me for too long.”
I sighed because there seemed to be nothing else to do or say at the moment. I stared out into the dark Wyoming night.
“What will you do when you win your case and are sickeningly rich again? Go get Lionel and live that dream life on the Savannah?” I enquired because I really liked flagellation. I should just kick myself in my own balls.
“Lionel has a wife now with a child on the way.” My head whipped around. Shep turned the key in the ignition. “Yeah, seems he discovered God and was cured of his gay curse by some missionary.”
“Wow. That’s uhm…I’ll feed Dundee while you’re gone.”
“Argus and thank you. I’ll send for him as soon as I find a job.”
“You have a job here. Always,” I weakly pointed out, and he shifted into drive. “And the benefits are good, aren’t they?”
His hand settled on my thigh. “The benefits are the best.”
I still felt the warm imprint of his hand an hour later when I was driving home with nothing but some light snow and a melancholy fucking song from R.E.M. about how everybody hurts. Yeah, no frigging kidding. Inside and out, buddy. Inside and out.
