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With the movement of the knife gone, there's nothing to distract me from the sting of the wound, and I breathe deeply in an attempt to get through it.
A ripping sound comes from Bram's direction, followed by a soft dabbing at my shoulder. He's being surprisingly gentle, like he actually doesn't want to hurt me.
"Here," he says, biting his wrist and offering it to me.
"What?" I ask, a little dazed and not understanding what he's after.
"If you drink my blood, it'll heal the wound."
"Will it do anything else?" I ask, thinking of all the books I'd secretly read where vampires sharing blood led to sex and bonding. While I'm not opposed to the former, I'm not so sure about the latter. Maybe one day, I'll change my mind and bond to a vampire. But not today.
Bram chuckles throatily. "You've been reading too much fiction. It won't do anything but heal you. Though trust me, drinking blood in other situations is definitely fun..."
He moves his wrist closer still, and I grasp it in my own. Nerves flitter around in my stomach. This is the first time I'll be drinking directly from someone, and I'm already worried I won't be able to stop. Then again, Bram's a vampire, it likely won't be the same.
I never imagined drinking blood from the vein would take more courage than putting myself into hundreds of dangerous situations, but here I am. I just need to trick myself into realising this is exactly the same as those dangers. It's something I have to do, no matter how much apprehension I'm feeling.
At first, I just lick along the trail of blood that's running from his bite marks, but after the taste hits my tongue, I just want more. I bring him closer, and close my lips around the mark, sucking deeply. He's right, I can feel how restorative his blood is, though definitely not in the same way human blood is. I wonder if a vampire can sustain themselves from other vampire blood, or if they need human.
Bram laughs louder this time. "You really don't ever stop thinking do you?"
I let go of his wrist, and lick my lips, catching all the residual blood that's gathered there. "I guess not. Could you read my thoughts?" My eyes widen. I really hope he can't, but what if this is another vampire trait I just don't know about yet? Mild panic takes hold of me, and I'm not all that sure how to make it stop. This isn't where I imagined my life going.
"Of course not, but even while drinking, your eyes were darting around and trying to work things out."
"I'm used to not being able to ever relax," I point out, trying not to pout.
"Understandable." He lapses into silence, and I say nothing to stop that. I don't know what to say to be honest. "So what were you thinking of this time?"
"If a vampire can sustain themselves from just vampire blood," I answer instantly. It's not like my thoughts give anything away in this case. Quite the opposite really.
"Interesting."
"That's not an answer," I snap.
"No. But the surviving on vampire blood isn't normally a thought new vampires have so soon. Try four or five years down the line."
"You mean after they've accidentally killed someone?" I snarl, regretting my moodiness the moment the words leave me mouth. "Sorry, that was uncalled for." I scuff the floor with one of my boots, not meeting his eyes.
"Maybe not. But you're right. Normally it's after they've killed someone."
"I guess I got my killing in before I was turned anyway." Even I can hear the bitterness in my voice. It's hard not to. I hate what the guild made us do. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention a crazy amount of blood on my hands. Figurative blood. I didn't waste a drop of what Bram offered.
"You need to stop blaming yourself for that."
My head snaps up at Bram's statement. He's the last person I expect to come out with something like that.
"It's not your fault what they made you. Just like it's not mine what my wife did." He looks a little lost in thought, and I don't disturb that. In some ways, it's not my place to. He's as entitled to his guilt as I am.
"I could have said no."
"If you killed your first vampire at ten, then I very much doubt saying no was possible."
Damn man. Why does he have to be so logical about that. He's right, I know he is, but that doesn't remove the guilt I feel over it all.
"I..."
"Ashryn," he says firmly. A lot firmer than anything I'm used to. I quite like it, but I'm not going to admit that to him, he'll just use it against me to get me to...I'm not sure what. Get me to do something. That's the way my life seems to go.
