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Not the point.
"It doesn't matter. I want to hear," I reply, my curiosity well and truly piqued. This woman, whether a good, or bad, one, is the one who made him the way he is.
Maybe I just have to hope the damage is undoable. Deep down, a part of me knows Bram isn't quite as brash and abrasive as he pretends to be. I think his heart is capable of great love, he just hasn't had the chance to show it yet.
Wow. My brain must be damaged from my trip out into the sun. The thoughts crowding my mind are scarily out of character, and I'm not really sure what to do with them. I mean, love? That's never been on my radar. Sex, sure. But not love. No one can afford to love in the guild. It's the quick way to gaining a weakness. And everyone knows weaknesses are a way to end up dead.
Proper dead. Not my kind of dead.
"Ashryn..."
Oh. I like the way he says my name. The way he's dragging it out to almost make it sound like a plea. Like this is too much for him to take. Nope. I need to stop. This is going to end badly for me if I'm not careful. He can be a friend. An ally. Someone I can rely on. He can not be more. I can't let him.
I can't let any of them.
I know I was wrong about vampires. Considering I am one, and am being hunted despite the fact I know I've never hurt or killed anyone, I can hardly deny that it's the guild that's in the wrong, not the vampires themselves. Even so, I can't let go of who I am completely. I can't give in to them.
Remus' scarred face flashes through my mind.
No. I can't let them get to me.
"Please, Bram. I've never had anyone like that. I want to know what it's like."
I could try and kid myself and pretend this was me looking for his weaknesses. For ways in which I can subdue him later on. But I'd be lying to myself, and I'm not okay with that. I also won't admit that out loud, but one step at a time.
"Fine. What do you want to know?" He seems resigned, not quite what I was going for admittedly.
"Her name?"
"Lucinda," he responds instantly. A slightly better sign, I'll admit.
"And you met..."
"An arranged marriage. It was a good choice at the time." I feel him grimace in the darkness, and have to stop myself from reaching out.
"Arranged hardly seems like a good choice any of the time."
"You're such a youngling."
"Oi, I'm over age, I'll have you know."
"How many decades have you seen, Ashryn? Less than three?" he asks it softly. I don't think he's trying to insult me with it, he's just genuinely trying to make me understand.
I think the dark is making him more forthcoming.
"In vampire terms, you're young. Well, in vampire terms, I'm young too, but that's not the point. I still lived in a different time. Arranged marriages were the norm, and mine to Lucinda was better than most."
"Sounds like it," I mutter.
He chuckles darkly. "In hindsight, yes. But she wasn't always so..."
"Slutty?" I supplied, thinking back to what Eric had told me.
Bram lets out a half-growl, half-laugh. He is most definitely softening then. Whether towards me, or in general, I don't know.
Or maybe it's simpler than that. Maybe he has never been so hard, and it's all just a front to protect himself. Somehow, that won't surprise me if it's true. But here, in the dark, we can feel safe to expose our secrets a little more.
Plus, there's still a pretty good chance we could be dead by sunset. No harm in spilling all your secrets if you're heading towards never seeing the light of day...no, wait, the light of night? That has a good ring to it actually...if you're heading towards never seeing the light of night anyway.
