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"Can you float on your back? We can look up at the stars."
"I've never tried it."
"Come here," he says, offering me his hand. My feet lift off the sand when I reach for it, letting him pull me in deeper until I know I'm in over my head. "Lay back. I've got you."
I flip and lean back until I'm facing the sky. My feet poke out, but my butt keeps sinking. Grant has a hand on my lower back and another on my upper thighs. "Relax. Push up a little with your hips." I adjust. "Breathe and let go." He slowly takes his hands away, and somehow I stay afloat. "You've got it."
I can barely hear him with my ears filled with water. I close my eyes and turn everything off. My thoughts. My fears. My guilt and shame. And just drift. My lips stretch into a smile when I feel his fingertips reaching for my hand, gently pulling me closer until his fingers slide between mine. I open my eyes, but I don't look over, afraid that I'll disturb my balance and sink. The sky is sparkling. I've never seen so many stars in my life and I'm in awe of it.
I feel the water slosh against me. Grant's other hand slides along my stomach to my waist. I tip up, realizing he's standing, watching me. I rest my hands on his shoulders to stay afloat since we've drifted farther out. He grips my waist to keep me anchored to him. But there's a distance between us, like we're slow dancing in middle school.
His eyes search mine, and I try to move closer, wanting there to be no distance at all. But his arms stiffen, resisting. "I really want to kiss you right now, but I can't."
I know he sees the hurt cross my face. I've never been very good at hiding my emotions. I remove my hands and try to kick away, but he doesn't let go.
"I have this ... promise, to myself, that I won't do anything with a girl if either of us have been drinking. Even if it's only a drink. Not even a kiss."
"Oh," I breathe out. "That's why you looked disappointed earlier, when I mentioned the vodka."
"Yeah," he smiles. "I didn't want to make any assumptions about what might or might not happen between us today, so I couldn't exactly ask you not to drink, just in case. I mean, I knew what I wanted to happen, but I didn't know if you felt the same. We hadn't really spoken much before today."
"True. But yeah, I'm pretty sure I wanted the same thing you did. Damn lemonade."
He laughs, the water rippling around his chest.
"So it doesn't matter if I feel sober?"
He shakes his head. "There shouldn't be a gray line when it comes to consent. I never want to be a regret."
"Wow. You really are cursed with Integrity."
Grant chuckles lightly. "Cursed? I never really thought of it as a bad thing."
"We all are," I tell him, wrapping my hands around his forearms.
"What's yours?" I can feel the tension in his arms relax, allowing me to float a little closer.
"Honesty."
"I can see that." His smile reflects in the low light. "That's not a bad thing either."
"It's a curse for a reason," I argue weakly, not really wanting to go into the full explanation.
"Well, at least I'll always know you're telling the truth."
"Even when you don't want to know," I add as if to warn him, but it only makes him laugh.
"I'd still want to know."
This moment alone with Grant, floating in the water and revealing our truths under the stars is probably the best moment of my entire day. It would make my entire year ... if he'd kiss me. And it's at this inopportune second that my brain decides to kick in. It's dark. It's been dark for a while. "Omigod, what time is it?" Panic floods my core.
"What?"
"I'm going to be late." If I'm not already. I push away and kick toward the shoreline. "You don't know where Lance is, do you?"
"No," Grant says following after me. "Why? What time are you supposed to be back?"
"Ten-thirty."
