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The frustration flared. Which made no sense at all. He did not want to be forced into a marriage any more than she did.
‘The fact though remains that you were one.’
‘I’m so sorry I lied. I shouldn’t have lied to you. It was stupid and selfish and shameful and—’
‘Catherine, please stop,’ he said, cutting off the guilt-ridden monologue as he got up from behind his desk and crossed the office.
She sat, staring at her hands, which were clutched tightly enough in her lap to whiten her knuckles. Kneeling in front of her, he covered her hands with his.
‘I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?’ she said, her voice so forlorn he wanted to sweep her up in his arms again.
Not smart.
He resisted the impulse. Getting any more intimate with this wom
an would be a mistake. She’d already had an unpredictable effect on him. Because it wasn’t just ancient Narabian law that made him want to protect her from the consequences of their actions.
He nudged her chin up with his index finger. ‘Listen to me, Catherine. You were not the only one in that room last night. And you weren’t the one with experience of these matters. I was.’
‘Yes, but I’m the only one who lied,’ she said. ‘And now you’re in a massive constitutional bind because of me.’ She blinked furiously, and he felt the deep pang under his breastbone at the misery sheening her eyes.
How ironic was it that it had been seeing her in his mother’s salon—so sweet and open and artlessly arousing—that had made it impossible for him to deny his desire any longer?
He knew the stories about that chamber. That it had been a prison. That his father had locked his mother in there when she became pregnant with him. He had no idea whether those stories were true, because it had upset his mother too much to talk about his father when she was sober.
He suspected the truth was less lurid, and more complex though, because the only time his mother had talked about his father—when she’d been the worse for drink—she had always insisted Tariq had been the only man she had ever loved. And that she had never been able to forget him.
Something he had never understood. How could his mother continue to care for a man whose love, whether real or imagined, had eventually destroyed her?
Or rather, he had never understood it, until now.
He didn’t love Catherine. And he wasn’t about to fall in love with her. He had promised himself long ago he would never allow himself to be damaged by love the way his mother had. Love was a destructive force, because it required the loss of self. And whatever love his mother had still felt for his father, he’d had no delusions about how his father had felt about her, once he’d been brought to the palace.
But he could see how easily an intense physical attraction—such as the one he and Catherine shared—could mess with your head. And all your priorities. Or he wouldn’t be kneeling in front of her now, desperate to take the misery out of her eyes.
‘We should be able to ignore the constitutional bind on two conditions,’ he said.
Catherine’s head shot up. ‘We can? Oh, thank goodness.’
Her profound relief kicked at his pride. He clenched his teeth, determined to ignore the contrary reaction.
‘What are the conditions?’ she asked, the eagerness in her voice prodding at his composure.
‘That your virgin state last night doesn’t become common knowledge,’ he said, something he’d already taken steps to control, by asking Ravi to burn the bed sheets and having a confidential word with Kasia not to spread news of their liaison. ‘And that there are no unforeseen consequences.’ Which was by far the more problematic detail.
‘Unforeseen consequences? You mean if I get pregnant?’ she asked, the turmoil in her face becoming more acute.
‘Yes. I didn’t use any protection,’ he said. ‘Are you by any chance on the pill?’
* * *
Zane didn’t look angry, he just looked troubled. But still Cat felt the tension in her stomach tighten, and the misery caused by this conversation threatened to engulf her.
How could she have been so reckless? So impulsive? She hadn’t even considered contraception until this moment. Heat blazed across her cheeks and she was forced to shake her head.
He swore softly under his breath.
‘I... I should have said something,’ she stammered. How could she have got so swept up in the moment that she hadn’t considered the risk of pregnancy? Perhaps because she’d been far too busy worrying about her position at the palace, and the feelings that Zane had aroused ever since she’d met him, to worry about anything else.
