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He dropped the grass, rubbed his hands on his jeans. ‘First off it was no more than a back hand to the head, or a punch now and again you weren’t expecting. But then it was the flat of his belt, the heel of his boot, until you passed out. The drink changed him and he couldn’t control it.’
Tears spilled over Daisy’s lids, but she wiped them hastily away; from the monotone of his voice she could tell he didn’t want her sympathy.
‘My brother Mac and me, we’d wait at the window, watch for him. Mac would make the tea, and I’d bathe the girls, get them fed and tucked in before he got home. On a good night, he’d be so locked he could barely walk, so we’d feed him and pour him into bed and that would be the end of it. But on a bad night…’ He paused. His eyes met hers. ‘That’s not happy families, Daisy. That’s barely living.’
She cradled his cheek in her palm, desperate to give what little comfort she could. ‘I’m so sorry, Connor.’
He pulled away, instantly defensive. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry for.’
‘No child should have to endure that. Not ever.’
He caught a tear on his thumb, wiped it away. ‘Don’t, Daisy. It’s not a bad story, not really. I got out. I made a life for myself apart from all that. A life I’m happy with.’
But it’s only half a life, she wanted to say. Couldn’t he see that? ‘What happened to Mac and your sisters?’
‘My…’ He stopped, and for the first time since he’d started talking she saw the raw flash of remembered pain. But he collected himself quickly and it was gone. ‘The authorities found out what had been going on. We got separated…Fostered and adopted.’
‘Did you manage to keep in touch?’
‘No. I’ve not seen them since. But Mac’s a movie actor now. Goes by his full name of Cormac.’
‘Cormac Brody?’ Daisy blinked. She couldn’t believe it. ‘Your brother’s Cormac Brody?’ His brother was the Irish actor who’d taken Hollywood by storm in the last few years? Now she thought about it, she could see the resemblance. Both Connor and his brother had the same piercing blue eyes and dark good looks—and that devil-may-care charm. ‘But if you know that why haven’t you contacted him? Surely his agent would—’
‘Why would I?’ he interrupted her. ‘He’s not part of my life and I’m not part of his. I missed him for a while.’ He shrugged, his apparent indifference stunning her. ‘Just like I missed all of them, but they were better off without me and I was better off without them.’
‘But that’s not true,’ she said, unable to bear the brittle cynicism in his voice. ‘Everyone should have a family. You need them. They’re part of you.’
‘Daisy, don’t,’ he said, lifting her chin between his thumb and forefinger. ‘It is true. It’s the way I want it. Sure, when I was little I used to lie awake nights, praying to Our Lady that my mammy would come back. That my Da would stop drinking. That everything would go back to how it was and we could all be a happy family again. But I learned a valuable lesson. You can’t go back, you can only go forward. And you can’t rely on anyone. Nothing’s certain. Nothing lasts. Life gets in the way, good and bad. Like you got in my way. So we enjoy it while it lasts and take everything we can grab. And that’s enough.’
But it wasn’t enough, she thought. Not nearly enough. Not for anyone.
He put his arm around her shoulders as they walked back across the park. As the sun dipped towards dusk, giving the fairy castle a golden glow, Daisy considered all the things he’d told her and felt her fantasy collapse and reality come flooding in.
So now she knew. Connor lived in the moment, shunned responsibility and had persuaded himself that family wasn’t for him, not because he was selfish, or shallow, or self-absorbed, but because of that abused traumatised little boy who had been forced to grow up too soon, and shoulder a responsibility that should never have been his.
He wasn’t scared of commitment, she realised. He was just scared of taking a chance, scared of wanting something that could blow up in his face all over again.
What a couple of cowards they both were.
Because while he’d been scared to take a chance, she’d been so scared of making her mother’s mistakes she’d sidestepped, and avoided and denied the obvious all along.
That she was falling hopelessly in love with him.
She bit into her lip, determined not to let her emotional turmoil show as the enormity of what she’d just admitted to herself sank in.
Oh, God, what on earth was she going to do now?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AS CONNOR stood beside her in a perfectly tailored tuxedo like her own Prince Charming, Daisy let her eyes wander over the magnificent ballroom and began to wonder how much more surreal her life could become. Chandeliers cast a sh
immering light on the assembled throng. Women preened like peacocks in their latest designer plumage and men looked important and debonair in their dark dinner suits. The ball was an annual event hosted by the New York Governor for some deserving charity, but according to Connor it was really just an excuse for the state’s most prominent citizens to show off.
The necklace he’d given her felt cool against her cleavage, matching the emerald satin gown she’d hastily put together on her second-hand sewing machine a lifetime ago. Daisy took a deep breath, and rested her hand on Connor’s sleeve, trying to get her balance. Ever since they’d got back from the park her emotions had been in uproar, her senses reeling. But she had managed to make one important decision this evening. She planned to live the last of her grand adventure tonight to the max. She’d have time enough tomorrow to panic about her wayward heart.
‘Daisy, that dress is sensational.’
Daisy turned to see Jessie Latimer, a champagne flute in her hand and a friendly grin on her face. ‘Where ever did you get it?’ she said. ‘Enquiring minds want to know.’
