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‘I knew you’d do this,’ she whispered. ‘I knew you’d feel responsible. You didn’t love me two days ago, and you don’t love me now. You don’t want to be a father and you don’t want me, not really.’ She held his forearms, tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t let her go. ‘I knew if I told you about the baby you’d want to do the right thing. Just like you did for your brother and your sisters. You took a belt for them, Connor. You let him beat you rather than see them get hurt, didn’t you? But I’m not going to be another belt. Because that’s what I’d be if I let you do the thing that was right for me and not for you.’
He dragged her closer, rested his forehead on hers.
‘Daisy, that’s so sweet.’ He lifted his head and sent her a tentative smile that made her insides feel all shaky. ‘But it’s also total rubbish. I want you. I need you. I love you. And I loved you two days ago but I was too stupid to see it. And I’m over the moon that by some miracle I got you pregnant.’ He cocked his head, the smile widening. ‘Although we’ll have to have a little talk about how that happened. Because for the life of me I’m sure I used condoms the whole time.’ He was grinning at her now. ‘And if I can get you pregnant through bonded latex we may have to be a lot more careful if we don’t want to end up with twenty kids. But first things first. How am I going to get it into that thick head of yours that I love you?’
She pushed away from him, her anger rising. Why was he making this so hard? ‘All right then, tell me why you reacted the way you did two days ago. When I told you I loved you, you looked absolutely horrified.’
Connor swore softly and felt the joy, the hope fade.
So it was all going to boil down to this. He’d have to tell her his darkest shame and hope against hope that she could still love him afterwards. ‘Are you sure you want to know this?’
Her lips firmed into a grim line of determination. She nodded.
He let her go, sat on her bed. He’d hurt her, when he hadn’t meant to; now he could destroy everything—but it was a risk he’d have to take.
‘If I tell you, you might change your mind about loving me,’ he said, hoping to give her a get-out clause.
She didn’t take it. ‘No, I won’t,’ she said with complete certainty.
He took a deep breath, but he couldn’t look at her and tell her, so he gazed down at his hands, fisted in his lap. ‘You’re right. I took the belt if I could. Mac and me both. But I wasn’t being brave, or noble particularly. It was just, they were so little, my sisters, and they loved me. And Mac, he looked up to me, thought I knew all the answers. They all depended on me to keep them safe, to keep us together.’ He shrugged, shame thickening his voice. ‘But one night, I sneaked out. Maeve Gallagher had promised me heaven the last time I’d seen her. I’d fresh scars from his last drinking session and he’d come home and fallen straight into his bed. I thought they’d be safe, that no harm would come to them. I swear it.’
She sat beside him, put her hand over his. But he still couldn’t look at her, couldn’t bear to see her contempt at what he’d done. ‘But when I got home, there was a commotion outside. The neighbours were crowded about the house. There were lights flashing.’ He could still picture it all so clearly even now, hear the murmur of curious voices, smell the scent of peat fires and winter frost and feel the chilling fear that had had him scrambling head first through the crowd. ‘The Garda had my Da, he had his head bent, his hands cuffed behind his back. And then I saw the ambulance and Mac.’ He gulped down air, tried to steady himself. ‘He was lying on a stretcher. He looked so small, his face battered, his arm all crooked. I thought he was dead.’ He forced himself to meet her eyes. ‘He wasn’t dead, but I never saw him again. Him or the girls. I told the social worker I didn’t want to. But the truth is I couldn’t bear to face them.’
‘Why couldn’t you?’ she asked, her love clear on her face despite all that he’d told her. It gave him the courage he needed to tell her the last of it.
‘Because I’d let them down. It was my job to protect them and I’d failed. I didn’t deserve to be their brother, not any more.’
Daisy cupped Connor’s face in her palms. Seeing the pain in his eyes, the regret, the guilt, she realised she loved this man more than life itself. She tried to speak, but emotion closed her throat.
He gripped her wrists, drew her hands down. ‘When you told me you loved me,’ he said, ‘I was so scared. Scared to love you back. Because after that night, I promised I’d never love a living soul again and risk letting them get hurt. Risk losing them.’
‘Connor, it wasn’t your fault,’ she whispered, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. ‘You were a boy trying to do something even a grown man couldn’t do. You didn’t let them down. And as long as you love me as much as I love you, you could never let me down either.’
He threaded his fingers through hers, held on. ‘I do love you. More than you know. But are you sure that’s enough?’ he asked.
She pressed her palm to his cheek. ‘Of course it is. You silly idiot.’
He blew out a breath, the relief plain on his face as he lent into her palm. ‘That’s a fine thing to call the man that loves you and is the father of your baby,’ he said, emotion deepening his voice.
She smiled, for what felt like the first time in a millennium, and threw her arms round his neck. She clung onto him so tightly she wasn’t sure he could breathe.
He chuckled. ‘So does this mean you believe I love you now?’ he said, his voice muffled against her hair.
She nodded, the joy coursing through her making it hard for her to breathe too.
His arms banded round her waist. ‘And there’ll be no more doubting it?’
She nodded again, even more vigorously, then whispered, ‘I’d like my engagement ring back, now. Please.’
His breath tickled her ear lobe as he laughed. ‘I’ll think on it,’ he said, but she could hear the teasing note in his voice. He lifted his head, framed her face in warm palms, his eyes shining with love. How could she ever have doubted him?
‘But first I nee
d you to do something for me,’ he murmured.
‘What’s that?’ she asked.
His thumb caressed the pulse in her throat as his hands settled on her shoulders. ‘Come home,’ he said as his gaze remained locked on hers. ‘Come home with me where you belong.’
