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‘For three weeks.’ Did it even qualify as dating? ‘We broke up nearly a week ago.’
‘And you want her back,’ his mother said. ‘And that’s why you think you have to save The Royale?’
‘Yes … No,’ he said, he tugged his fingers through his hair, feeling like a total dumbass. ‘I don’t know.’
Jesus, could he sound any more clueless about his own life? How could he not know if he loved her? His mom was going to have a field day with this.
He stole a look at her, expecting to see a gleam in her eye because she was finally going to get the ‘deep and meaningful’ conversation about his commitment issues she’d been wanting to have with him ever since he could remember – and which he’d been avoiding just as long – but instead of the gotcha expression, what he saw was something else.
She didn’t look happy or smug – she looked devastated.
And all he felt was more confused. How could every single thing he thought he knew about his relationship with Jack and now his mom be so screwed up all of a sudden?
‘Oh, Luke,’ she said, the pity in her tone scrambling his guts. ‘I’m so sorry I failed you so spectacularly.’
He blinked. And for once he had not one clue what to say to her, or how to avoid this conversation, or even if he wanted to anymore.
‘Mom, I never said you failed me—’
‘But I did, because you wanted stability,’ she said. ‘And I didn’t give it to you. And for once I’m not being melodramatic. I knew how anxious you always got, even before …’ She stopped. ‘Even before what happened with your father.’
He searched his mother’s face. And realized she was serious. This wasn’t her ‘serious moment’ face, the one she wore when she was playing Anna Karenina.
And suddenly, he wanted to know, seeing as they were definitely having this conversation now, something that had always bugged him.
‘Then why did you keep us, Mom? Why did drag us all over creation with you? Jack could have stayed with his dad, so could I. I liked Bill, we got along, he was a steady, dependable guy.’ Unlike Falcone.
‘I kept you with me, because I loved you to bits. Both of you. And Rebecca when she came along. You were my babies. And I was selfish. But it hurts now to know you were so scared of stuff I never even thought about.’
She sucked in a heavy breath.
‘Love is a wonderful gift, Luke,’ she said. ‘Mostly because it’s never ever what you expec
t it to be. Sometimes it’s fleeting, sometimes it lasts, sometimes it can’t. But each time you unwrap it, it’s entirely unique. Ruby wants to give you that gift, and it breaks my heart to know that something I did – and all the things I didn’t do – makes you think you have to save Ruby’s theatre to deserve it.’
He frowned. He wanted to be angry with her, wanted to dismiss her little speech as his mom at her cheesy, melodramatic best. But he couldn’t say anything, because all he felt was numb.
‘You were forced to be old before your time Luke, long before you discovered Rafe’s body.’
He didn’t feel numb anymore, he felt fragile. And still so confused.
‘You had to keep everything in order to cope with all the disorder I threw at you. But now you have to let go of that and let the chaos in a little bit. I promise it won’t hurt you again. Not this time. Not if she really loves you. Do you think she does?’
He nodded, feeling choked, but weirdly not caring. Ruby did love him, that wasn’t in any doubt. Because Ruby knew what she wanted and what she needed. And she wasn’t afraid to say it. Unlike him.
But it hurt, he discovered, to know his mother understood. May have always understood.
Had he really let all this stuff from his childhood have such a hold over him that he couldn’t see what was right before his eyes?
‘Are you saying you think I’m a control freak?’ he asked.
His mother smiled, moisture making her eyes sparkle. Either she was giving the performance of her career, or she was on the verge of tears. And for once he could see it was definitely the latter.
‘Maybe a little bit,’ she said on a huff of breath. ‘But thank god for it, or I’m not sure Jack and Rebecca would ever have kept all of their teeth, let alone learned how to function in the adult world.’
‘I’m not sure Jack does, actually.’
They both laughed, the dry ripple of amusement easing the tension in the room.
