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He could have lied, he wanted to lie. Whatever he’d had with Ruby was over.
I love you, Luke.
The simple words echoed in his head again. Crushing his ribcage a little bit more.
Totally over.
Talking about the affair with Jack was not going to change that. But somehow the denial wouldn’t come out of his mouth. So he sat dumbly in front of Jack as his face incinerated.
‘Yeah, we hooked up. But it wasn’t a big deal …’ The words clogged his throat. ‘And the theatre is being sold to pay off Uncle Matty’s debts, so we don’t own it anymore.’
Being sold off in approximately twenty hours’ time, if the timetable Jacie had given him a week ago was still true.
Get over it. She didn’t want your help. She said so. You don’t love her. End of.
‘You were into her, weren’t you?’ Jack said, the non sequitur throwing Luke off course.
‘Yeah.’ Why lie about it? ‘She was a nice lady. Smart, compassionate, creative, funny …’ He took a swallow of beer – why did that description sound so inadequate. ‘And yeah, she was hot.’ So hot. Hot enough to haunt his dreams every night since he’d left her.
‘That sounds like a heck of a lot more than nice.’
Luke glared at his brother. So now Jack was intuitive? Give me damn break. ‘It doesn’t really matter whether or not she was nice or more than nice because it’s over.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it is – because it was – just a casual hook-up.’
For me, at least. I never lied to her.
‘It doesn’t sound casual to me,’ Jack said. ‘The woman made you blush, that’s got to be a first.’
‘Whatever, it was never gonna work long term.’ He took another long swallow of his beer, his throat so dry he could probably sandpaper a wall with it.
‘Why not?’ Jack asked.
Luke intensified his glare. Why wouldn’t Jack drop this? Couldn’t he see he did not want to talk about it? ‘Because she’s a nice person and I’m not.’
‘Bullshit.’ Jack’s forceful reply gave Luke pause. His brother wasn’t smiling anymore.
‘She needs someone who can settle down,’ he replied. ‘Who wants to settle down. Who can commit to a long-term relationship. Who wants to commit to a long-term relationship. That’s not me, I’m not the settling down type.’
Ruby had got that much at least. She would never even have told him she loved him if he hadn’t made the dumb decision to go back for Babs and Bob night.
‘Are you actually serious right now?’ Jack replied.
‘Of course I’m serious,’ Luke said, shocked by the look on Jack’s face, because all traces of his usual super-relaxed, couldn’t-give-a-shit charm had disappeared.
‘Luke, you’re the most settled person I know,’ his brother said, sounding more serious than a traffic accident for the first time in his life. ‘You live for fucking commitment. Or you wouldn’t have been riding herd on me and Becca ever since we were born … And Mom ever since you were born.’
‘That’s not the same. You guys are family, I’m stuck with you.’
‘You mean like your old man was stuck with us. Like mine was? Like Becca’s father was?’ Jack’s voice had an edge to it Luke had never heard before. This wasn’t the Jack he knew, not at all. This Jack sounded angry. And also weirdly supportive.
‘What are you trying to say?’ he said, feeling like he was seeing the real Jack for the first time in his life. Where had this guy been hiding? And why?
‘They all bailed on us, in their own way,’ Jack said, his expression tense. ‘The men who should have cared about us and kept us safe and put us first. But you never did. Not even when you could have. Even when it was never your responsibility. You shouldered it anyway. Getting me to do my homework and not hang out with the wrong kids, getting Becca to brush her teeth each night and letting her cling on to you when she came back from her dad’s place, and keeping Mom afloat when she had one of her wild moods.’
‘You were just a kid, you needed someone to guide you and we all knew that wasn’t gonna be Mom,’ he said. ‘Becca’s dad was an alcoholic and a massive dick, she should never have had to spend summers with him in the first place. And Mom had issues, you know that,’ he said, in his defence, disconcerted to hear Jack of all people talk about him in this way. Jack has always hated it when Luke told him what to do, or how to do it. His kid brother had rebelled against every rule, every suggestion, every offer of help. Had he admired him all along? Because that was so messed up he didn’t even know what to do with it. It would change the whole dynamic of their sibling relationship and he wasn’t ready to deal with that right now.
