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‘That doesn’t happen to be another question you’ve just asked me, does it?’
Busted.
While he didn’t much like getting caught on his own hook, he figured it would be smarter now not to give her the satisfaction of seeing him squirm.
Slowing the car to pull into the packed parking lot of the Riverside Church, he forced the words out on an indifferent monotone as he cruised into the only available slot at the end of the row. ‘When I was fifteen, I caught my daddy making out with one of the help in my mama’s parlour.’
‘Making out? What exactly does that entail?’
He slung his arm over the wheel and stared at her, careful to keep his expression bland. ‘He had his pants round his ankles, the girl was on her knees in front of him and his face looked like he was about to bust a blood vessel. Is that clear enough?’
He’d raised his voice, the old anger giving him away, but instead of looking shocked or disgusted her eyes went dark with sympathy. ‘Nasty,’ she said. ‘What did you do?’
‘I told my mother and she went nuts.’ He relaxed into the seat, the old anger dissolving in a pool of resignation. ‘Not because of his indiscretions—she already knew about them—but because I’d had the bad manners to mention them.’ He turned to Gina, the memory leaving a bitter taste. ‘I knew they weren’t madly in love with each other—I’d never seen them so much as kiss each other in public or in private. But until then I had no idea the marriage was such a dishonest sham. I promised myself if I ever got married it would be different. I would never cheat or lie to myself or my wife.’ Damn, what a self-righteous hypocrite he’d been. ‘Ironic, huh?’
* * *
Gina’s pulse throbbed painfully in her neck. She hadn’t expected his honesty and she didn’t know how to make amends for the disillusionment that shadowed his eyes. ‘I’m so sorry I made you break your promise.’
He shook his head and laughed, the deep rumble both genuinely amused and oddly comforting. ‘Gina, sugar, no, you didn’t.’ He cupped her cheek. ‘Meeting you eventually made me see I’d been kidding myself. My only regret now is that I didn’t figure that out before I got into a marriage that was an even bigger lie than my parents’.’
She pulled his hand away from her face, knowing she couldn’t have this conversation while he was touching her with such affection. But it was the first insight he’d given her into his marriage, and she couldn’t stop herself from asking: ‘How was it a lie?’
His gaze left hers and for a moment she felt sure he wouldn’t answer, but then he shrugged. ‘In a lot of ways.’
‘What ways?’
The rueful grin returned. ‘I believe you told me that night that marrying a woman I had no knowledge of in the bedroom might end badly. Turns out you were right.’
‘The sex was a problem?’ Gina gasped, astonished, and unable to deny the sweet rush of vindication.
‘Let’s just say, she wasn’t as enthusiastic about it as I was. Or you are.’
‘That’s not good,’ she replied, stupidly pleased that the Virgin Queen of her imagination had been a little frigid after all.
‘No, it sure isn’t. It wasn’t our biggest problem, but it felt big enough. Especially as I’d found out how good it could be...’ He paused to clear his throat. ‘With you.’
She should have stopped there, and let it go, this was all water way under the bridge now, but the sweet rush had turned to a torrent—and seeing the approval in his eyes only made it more intoxicating. ‘What other problems did you have?’
‘Eventually? Way too many to count.’ The flush of colour hit his cheeks and the rush of vindication turned to one of sympathy. ‘Before we were married she’d made me feel special,’ he continued. ‘She never challenged me, never contradicted me, never tried to tell me what to do like my daddy did. But then he died and I spent the night with you—and what we had didn’t seem so special any more.’ He gave his head a solemn shake. ‘She said she’d forgiven me, that she still loved me, but she didn’t trust me...’ He sent her a wry look. ‘And how could I blame her?’ He shrugged. ‘Whenever we argued, she always let me know I’d been the one to screw up our marriage before it had even started. Eventually, I began to wonder if I’d ever loved her—which only made me feel more guilty.’
Gina felt her throat close—choking on the knowledge he’d imparted so casually. ‘You didn’t love Missy?’ she whispered, the shock twisting her stomach into knots.
He shook his head and her lungs seized—the sharp pain an echo of the agony she’d spent so long denying.
He banged his thumb against the steering wheel, his voice a tense monotone as he continued. ‘Finally I stopped being such a gutless coward and asked for a divorce. Things got even uglier for a while. Marnie stopped talking to me and left Savannah for good.’ He blew out a breath. ‘But at least I finally figured out I sucked at being a husband.’
Gina stared at him, the brittle sunlight making her eyes water, and the knowledge that he’d suffered so much too making her heart hurt. ‘I don’t think that necessarily follows.’
‘I don’t see how you could draw any other conclusion,’ he murmured, his head bent.
‘Did you cheat on Missy while you were married?’
His head jerked up. He looked startled and annoyed at the accusation. ‘Hell, no.’
‘Then—while I know I’m hardly a disinterested party—I’d say you’re being overly generous to your ex-wife.’
‘How do you figure that?’
