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‘Seriously, Ella. For once, I’m not kidding around about—’
‘I know you’re not.’ She cut him off, then gripped his cheeks, pressed her forehead against his, and prepared to tell him something she had never wanted him to know. ‘How about if I told you that when I was eighteen I got pregnant and I had a termination? Would you still think I don’t have some pretty persuasive reasons to doubt my own ability as a parent?’
She forced her gaze to his, willing him not to judge her as harshly as she had always judged herself.
His eyes widened, but he looked more stunned than disgusted. ‘That’s your big revelation? Big deal. You were eighteen. Why would you want a kid at that age?’
She shook her head. ‘But you don’t understand. I did want it.’ She rested her palm on her belly, emboldened by the new life growing there to talk for the first time about the one she’d lost. ‘I wanted it very much. Which
is why this child means so much to me now.’
‘Okay, I get that.’ He threaded his fingers through hers, the acceptance in his eyes unconditional. ‘But you can’t punish yourself now for a choice you made at eighteen. Having a baby at that age would have screwed up your life.’
She wanted to take his comfort, his faith in her, but she couldn’t, not till he knew the whole truth. ‘But that’s not why I did it. I had the abortion because Randall ordered me to. He insisted. He said either I lose the baby, or I would lose him. And I chose him. Over my own child.’
A tear slipped over her lid, and he brushed his thumb across her cheek.
‘Ella, don’t cry.’ She heard the tenderness and knew she didn’t deserve it. ‘This Randall was the father?’
She nodded, tucked her head onto his shoulder. ‘Pretty pathetic, isn’t it?’
‘Not pathetic,’ he said, nudging her chin up with his forefinger. ‘You were young and scared. And given an impossible choice by that bastard. That’s his bad, not yours.’
Ruby had always said the same thing to her, when she’d tortured herself with what ifs after the procedure. But now, for the first time, she felt herself begin to accept it.
Coop rubbed the tight muscles at the base of her neck. ‘I’m guessing Randall didn’t stick around once he’d got you to do what he wanted.’
‘How did you know that?’
‘Because the guy sounds like a selfish, manipulative jerk.’ He sighed, then brushed her hair off her forehead, and his lips tilted in a wry smile. ‘It takes one to know one.’
‘You’re nothing like him.’
‘I don’t know—I freaked pretty bad when you told me about Junior. And I’ve been doing my best to avoid the subject ever since.’ He rested his hand on her belly, rubbed it gently back and forth. It was the first time he’d ever touched her there, and the flood of warmth caught her unawares.
‘Yes, but you apologised for flipping out the very next day,’ she pointed out. ‘Even though you were still reeling from the news. And you’ve never tried to pressure me the way he did. That makes you a much better man than Randall ever was.’
The half-smile became rueful. ‘I don’t know about that.’ She opened her mouth to protest, but he lifted a finger to her lips, silencing her. ‘But I’m glad you think so. How about I come to the scan on Monday?’
The smile in her heart at the suggestion was even bigger than the one she could see reflected in his eyes. ‘Okay, if you’re sure?’
She knew what a big leap this was for him, so she was doubly pleased when he took a deep breath, then nodded. ‘I guess so. I can’t guarantee I’ll know what I’m doing, but I’d like to be there anyway.’
‘That’s wonderful, Coop.’
His fingers threaded into her hair as he captured her lips in a tender kiss. But what started as gentle, coaxing, quickly heated to carnal as she opened her mouth and flicked her tongue against his.
She felt the satisfying swell of his erection, coming back to life against her bottom as she feasted on him—and let him feast on her.
He drew back first, to flick his thumb across the stiff peak of her nipple. But when she tried to reach for the front of his shorts and the stiff length inside, he grabbed her wrist to hold her off.
‘Not a good idea.’
‘Why not?’ she said, the rush of emotion only intensifying her eagerness.
He kissed her nose. And she felt the tiny sting. ‘Because you’re getting a little pink around the edges, and I don’t want you getting a sunburn. It’s liable to cramp our style.’
He lifted her off his lap, to walk to the boat’s console.
