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She let his arms go, took a step back, needing to see his face clearly when she told him. ‘I know we originally agreed this would be friends with benefits, but I’m not happy with that arrangement any more.’
A small line appeared on his brow. ‘Go on.’
‘I think...’ She drew in a shaky breath. For goodness’ sake, just say it. ‘I want something more permanent than that. Because I—’
‘That’s great,’ he said, interrupting her before she’d had a chance to explain properly. But the quick grin that flashed across his face had a shot of pleasure searing through her system.
‘It is?’ she asked, a little astonished it had been so easy.
‘I was thinking the same thing.’
‘You were?’
‘Yeah, how about I move down this weekend?’
‘Move down? You mean move into the cottage, with me?’ she murmured, dully.
He nodded. ‘Yeah, of course.’
‘Well, yes, that would be terrific, if that’s what you want,’ she said, trying to dismiss her uneasiness at the typically pragmatic approach.
She would love to have him there every morning when she woke up, and every single evening when she went to sleep. And the truth was he’d pretty much moved in already, so it wasn’t that big a step. But why did his suggestion make her feel deflated?
‘Cool,’ he said, sweeping her up into his arms, his eyes alight with enthusiasm. ‘I don’t want you living there alone any more, not in your condition. And it makes sense for me to be there when you go into labour. Now let’s go to bed.’
It took her a moment to register the words, to let them sink in past the barrier of hope and optimism, but as soon as they did the fragile barrier began to shatter.
‘Wait a minute,’ she said as he strode towards the bedroom. She wriggled out of his arms, when he didn’t even slow down, flattened a palm against his chest when he tried to scoop her up again. ‘Hold on, Nate. I don’t think you understand what I was trying to say to you.’
‘Come on, Tess, will you quit it with the delaying tactics? Let’s go to bed now. We can talk about the details in the morning.’
‘No, we can’t, because you’re not listening to me.’
He crossed his arms over his chest, his impatience clear. ‘Fine, say what you have to say, but hurry up—I can see how exhausted you are.’
She took a slow breath in, let it out, and tried not to let his overprotectiveness get to her. This could still be the beautiful moment she’d anticipated, if he’d just stop being so damn pushy. ‘I wasn’t talking about you moving in with me. Not specifically.’
‘You are not backing out on this already,’ he said, his voice rising. ‘We had an agreement. You said you liked the idea and—’
‘I know, I know.’ She waved her hands, trying to silence him before he got going again about his responsibilities. ‘And I do like the idea. But you’re missing the point. This isn’t about the baby, or my being pregnant, or anything like that. I’m talking about us making a more permanent arrangement because of the way I feel about you. Because I want us to be together. Because my feelings towards you are much deeper than I ever thought they would be.’ She rushed the last words, desperate to get them said, at last.
But the second they were out of her mouth, she wanted to haul them back.
His brows lowered, and, instead of looking overjoyed or even excited by the news, his expression went completely blank. ‘You’re kidding,’ he said, with about as much enthusiasm as if she’d passed him an unexploded bomb.
She tried to smile, but her lips wouldn’t cooperate, because of the lead football weighing down her stomach.
Part of her wanted to salvage her pride and agree with him, and pretend that she had only been joking, but there was just enough of the reckless girl still inside her to cling onto the small spark of hope that remained. ‘No, I’m not kidding,’ she said patiently. ‘I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve fallen in love with you, Nate.’
‘You don’t love me—you can’t,’ he said, the dull tone of his voice, the rigid expression on his face more effective than any slap. ‘You said you didn’t want any emotional entanglements.’
‘Well,’ she said, forcing her lips to curve in what was probably a fairly pathetic attempt at a smile as that small spark sputtered, and died. ‘That’s not quite the response I was hoping for.’
She felt horribly exposed under that cautious, controlled gaze as he remained silent. This was the same way he’d reacted all those weeks ago in the layby. The burning pain in her chest from the feeling of abandonment, of powerlessness, was only partially mitigated by the crippling embarrassment at having read the situation so incorrectly.
Was he trying to think of a delicate way to get out of this? The fresh slice of pain at the thought made her knees shake and the lead ball of emotion choke off her air supply.
‘Look, I should go, you’re right—it’s not what we agreed,’ she said, hurrying past him towards the door. ‘It’s fine really, don’t worry about it.’
