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He strode after her. ‘Come back here.’
‘And I don’t want you to join me,’ she added as she shot into the bedroom.
He caught the door before that too slammed in his face. ‘I’m not here for sex,’ he shouted back, but his fury and indignation melted away when he saw the flicker of distress cross her face.
‘Aren’t you?’ she said, that stubborn chin poking out at him. ‘What else is there?’
But he could see her lip trembling, and felt like the worst kind of bastard. He’d hurt her, with that selfish, knee-jerk reaction. And even though he still didn’t really know how to make it right, he knew he had to. ‘Can’t we talk about this?’
She wiped away the tear that spilled over her lid with an impatient fist and he felt as if a hot knife had sliced into his heart. What had he done? Had he wrecked everything?
‘No, I don’t think so,’ she said, the little quaver in her voice crucifying him. ‘It’ll only make this more humiliating.’
‘Humiliating how?’ he said, confused when her chin dropped to her chest and she drew in a ragged breath.
The unshed tears in her eyes made the mossy green luminous in the moonlight as her gaze met his. ‘Do I really have to spell it out, Nate?’
‘Yeah, I guess you do.’ He cradled her cheek, unable to keep from touching her, offering the only comfort he knew how, but her head jerked back, breaking the contact, and he felt the fresh stab of regret.
* * *
She’d made an awful mistake but why would he want to punish her for it?
Tess gave her head a little shake, and looked away. ‘I told you I loved you and you looked horrified.’ She forced her eyes back to his. She couldn’t be a coward now. What would be the point? ‘I don’t know how much more humiliating that could be.’
‘I wasn’t horrified...’
‘Weren’t you?’ she said, not sure if she could bear it if he lied now to spare her feelings. ‘You certainly looked it.’
‘I didn’t...’ He wrenched his hand through his hair. ‘Hell!’ He spun round and stalked into the living area.
She found herself following him, drawn by the need to know. Why had he reacted like that? Maybe he didn’t love her, but wouldn’t it help to know why? Maybe it would ease the grinding pain of knowing she wasn’t good enough. She’d worked long and hard as a teenager to build up her self-
confidence again, to make herself into someone that didn’t have to rely on the approval of others to survive. She couldn’t go back to being that person again, not even for him.
He sank onto the couch and buried his head into his hands, his voice muffled. ‘It wasn’t horror. It was terror.’
She sat beside him. The words sounded as if they had been wrenched out of him.
She pressed her hand to his knee, felt it shudder beneath her fingers, a broken laugh issuing from her lips. ‘What were you terrified of, Nate? I wasn’t going to force you to love me.’
His head turned and those deep blue eyes fixed on her. ‘I wasn’t terrified of you. I was terrified of me.’
‘I don’t get it.’
‘You said that stuff to me. About wanting to be with me. And suddenly I knew I’d been lying to myself. All those dumb excuses, about moving in here for the baby’s sake, or for your sake, they weren’t true. I wanted to move in here for my sake... But I’m terrified of wanting you that much.’ He let out a weary sigh. ‘In case I screw it up.’
He sounded so sincere, and what he was saying should have made her heart soar, but it had soared once before and come crashing back to earth. It was a lot more cautious now. ‘Why would you screw it up?’
‘Because... You know.’ He bobbed his head as if trying to hint at something.
‘No, I don’t know.’
‘Because I’ve wanted stuff like this before. Wanted it so much that I couldn’t control it.’ His voice broke as if in abject misery. ‘And I messed it up then, too.’
She pressed her fingers to her lips, tears of relief welling over the lids. She’d completely overreacted. So what else was new?
‘Tess, why are you crying?’
