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The gruff assumption reached inside her and ripped open the gaping wound she’d spent years denying even existed. She slammed down on the wrenching pain. And on the urge to tell him the terrible truth of how much she’d lost by loving him.
Don’t tell him. You can’t.
‘Yes,’ she lied.
He kissed her, his groan of relief echoing in her sternum, feeding her own need back to her. Then he angled her hips and thrust deep.
Her body arched, and the sensation of fullness was overwhelming as she struggled to adjust to the thick intrusion. He began to move, driving into her in a devastating rhythm that dug at that spot inside only he had ever touched.
‘Let go, Red. I want to see you come again. Just for me.’
The possessive tone, the desperation in his demand felt too real, too frightening. She’d given him everything once. She couldn’t afford to give it all to him again.
‘I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can.’ He found her clitoris with his thumb. Swollen and aching.
The perfect touch drove her back towards the peak with staggering speed. Her whole body clamped down, euphoria driving through the fear. His eyes met hers, the intensity in their blue depths reaching out and touching her heart.
She gripped broad shoulders, the muscles tensed beneath her fingertips as she tried to shield herself against the intense wave of emotion. But it rose up anyway, shaking her to the core as her body soared past that last barrier to plunge into the abyss.
He shouted out, the sound muffled against her neck, as he emptied his seed into her womb.
* * *
She came to moments later, his body heavy on hers. The bright, beautiful wave of afterglow receded, to be replaced by the shattering feeling of an emotion she hadn’t wanted to feel.
Lifting up on his elbows, he brushed the hair back from her brow. The shuttered look in his eyes made her shudder with reaction. The feeling of him still intimately linked to her was too much.
‘Are you okay?’ he said.
The wariness in his expression made her heart feel heavy. How could he protect himself so easily when she’d never been able to protect herself in return?
One rough palm caressed her cheek and she turned away from it, feeling the sting of tears behind her eyelids at this glimpse of tenderness.
This was just sex for him. That was all it had ever been.
‘Never better.’ She pressed her palms against his chest, suddenly feeling trapped. And fragile. ‘I need to clean up.’
He rolled off her without complaint. But as she tried to scramble off the bed firm fingers caught her wrist, holding her in place. ‘Xan, don’t.’
She glanced over her shoulder. ‘Don’t what?’
‘Don’t run off.’
He tugged her back towards him and slung an arm around her shoulder, and—weak and feeble woman that she was—she let him draw her under his arm until her head was nestled against his chest, her palm resting over his heart, which was still beating double time with hers.
His thumb caressed her cheek, and the rumble of his voice in her ear drew her in deeper. ‘Why has there never been anyone else?’
She considered denying it. If he’d sounded smug or arrogant she probably would have, but all he sounded was guarded.
‘I wish I hadn’t told you that.’ She sighed. ‘It was a weak moment. Can’t you forget it?’
‘Nope,’ he murmured into her hair.
It occurred to her that he probably didn’t want this burden any more than he’d wanted any of the others she’d thrust upon him.
‘If it’s any consolation,’ he said, his fingers threading through her hair as his deep voice rumbled against her ear, ‘there hasn’t been anyone important for me either.’
